Basic Life Changing Insights Part 2 (Breather Episode with Brad)

(Breather) Once you grab what Dr. Peter Attia calls the “low hanging fruit” of healthy eating, movement, physical fitness and sleeping habits, it’s time to progress further with health, happiness, and longevity by developing emotional control/emotional self-stability (Thank you Kris Gage on Medium.com!), by implementing effective relationship communication strategies (tips from John Gottman, Harville Hendricks, Esther Perel, and Mia Moore, aka the “Big Four” relationship experts).

First things first: stress management. Everyone deals with stress, but learning how to manage your stress and the way you react will change your life.  Your first priority should be emotional control. Self-stability is the number one relationship attribute and the number one psychological health attribute. Be aware of how your emotions can either help or hinder you in your life. Now, it may be easy for you to say: ‘Well, I’m a Type-A personality, this is just how I am.’ Well did you know the term ‘Type-A’ originated as a heart attack risk category?! Do you really want to be in ANY of those categories? Didn’t think so....so slow down, it’s going be okay.  

Another factor in stress management lies in the fact that downtime is missing: social time is seriously MIA, having been crowded out by digital stimulation. Longevity superstars, the Okinawa in Japan, have social groups as the centerpiece of culture (“Ikigai”) but in our world, people really struggle with disconnecting. My advice? To turn that $#!% OFF. Escape tech addiction and hyperstimulation by taking a low-stress approach to a total lifestyle transformation, yet with discipline and focus to your natural full potential. 

As Mia Moore says, don’t waste time sweating the small stuff! Make sure to carve out time for the important things, like taking care of yourself. How much time do you devote to self-care? Have you been too busy taking care of your kids? I contend ANYONE has time since we’re all checking our phones 150 times a day and gazing at screens for hours a day. Now, if you’re stuck in a pattern of prolonged stillness, then you’re used to having low to no energy, nor any motivation to go outside and do things. And because of this, it’s crucial that we keep moving. The good news? The more you move, the more energy you have! 

One thing that takes time and energy are relationships. Whether familial, friendly, or professional, platonic or romantic, interacting with other people and handling the dynamics that can emerge between two different and distinct personalities is never easy. But your personal relationship should never be a source of stress in your life. As John Gottman says, when it comes to partnerships, you’re either a team, or you’re not a team – at all times, and within every interaction. It’s that simple – don’t be nit-picky or passive aggressive with your partner, and watch your words. Be mindful about the dialogue you create with your partner, and how much negativity is present in your words versus positivity, because keeping your positive comments to negative comments at a 20:1 ratio, as the Gottman Institute’s research has clearly proven, is key to a healthy, happy, lasting partnership. 

Speaking of healthy and happy, Harville Hendrix has three rules to live by for successful communication in relationships. Number one is safety, number two is maintaining a zero-negativity policy, and number three is making constant affirmations to your partner. As Esther Perel says, “treat your partner like you would a great client.” Truthfully, we all deal with fear and anxiety, but it only harms your relationship when you let whatever is going on with you affect your partner in a negative way. When I had Dave Rossi on the show, we discussed fear and anxiety, and the importance of re-directing your mind and those negative, fearful thoughts over to your values and vision. Anxiety and fear are frequent visitors in daily life for most people, so instead of getting tripped up by every appearance they make, why don’t you just focus on your values, instead of trying to find the quickest way to make the pain go away? Unfortunately, in our stressful modern world, people can lose track of this. We all heard of the college admissions scandal earlier this year. All those parents who “just wanted the best for their children” are probably finding the more than likely prospect of jail time to be far more stressful than the college admissions process! Sure, hindsight is illuminating, but the point is not to have regrets, but to harness the right perspective, so you don’t react to life by coming from a place of fear and anxiety, but rather from a positive and confident mindset. 

TIMESTAMPS: 

Brad gives a quick summary of Basic Life Changing Insights breather show part one. {02:38] 

Part of stress management is getting your romantic relationship under control. [05:51] 

Relationship priority is emotional control and emotional self-stability. [06:51] 

We have to always balance this quest for peak performance with downtime and optimal stress-rest-balance. [09:47] 

Humans crave social connection.  Interact in a live manner, rather than a digital manner. [11:14] 

When you continually do things that don’t bring you joy and energy, a sense of wellbeing and peace of mind, you’re going to drift away from those. [14:30] 

Carbohydrates have addictive properties. Sugar is addictive.  [16:28] 

Gluttony and sloth are not causes of obesity; they are symptoms of obesity; [19:06] 

Try out some time restricted feeding and intermittent fasting. [21:51] 

Your relationship is either a team or not a team at all times.. [23:54] 

Try for a 5 positive to 1 negative ratio when communicating your needs. [26:10] 

Fear and anxiety come up for all of us. [30:24]

Safety, zero negativity, and constant affirmations are the foundations of a healthy relationship. [37:26]

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