Slate Daily Feed How To! | Stop Fawning
Dec 16, 2025
Dr. Ingrid Clayton, a clinical psychologist and trauma therapist, dives into the fascinating concept of fawning—an often-overlooked response to trauma. She shares her personal experiences and explains how fawning differs from typical fight or flight behaviors. Ingrid discusses the everyday manifestations of fawning, including boundary issues and chronic people-pleasing. The conversation explores its roots in socialization and the lasting impact on self-identity, while offering insights into healing practices that promote self-rediscovery.
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Hot-Tub Moment That Defined Fawning
- Ingrid Clayton recounts a hot-tub incident with her stepfather at age 13 where she appeased him to stay safe.
- She later realized this fawning response explained lifelong survival behaviors and unresolved trauma.
Trauma Is Nervous-System Overwhelm
- Trauma is defined by nervous-system overwhelm, not by the objective event itself.
- Complex trauma is ongoing relational or developmental harm that reshapes reflexes like fawning.
Reframe People-Pleasing As Survival
- Reframing people-pleasing as a trauma response honors its survival roots rather than blaming willpower.
- This systemic lens prevents re-traumatizing fawners with shame and simplistic fixes.
