Welcome to Grit & Growth’s masterclass on spontaneous communication — those unplanned moments when you’re called on in a meeting, asked to give feedback, or introduced to a potential investor. Matt Abrahams, Stanford Graduate School of Business lecturer in strategic communications, has tips and tricks to overcome anxiety, gain confidence, and make sure you’re ready to speak when you least expect it.
Matt Abrahams speaks a lot in public, whether he’s teaching MBAs at Stanford or hosting his podcast “Think Fast, Talk Smart.” And yet, he still gets nervous. He calls it getting the “ABCs.” “There's the affect or emotional component, the behavioral or what happens to your body, and then the cognitive part, what happens in your mind,” Abrahams explains. Luckily, he believes there are tons of techniques to manage your nerves, like holding something cold in your hands to calm you down, saying positive affirmations to give you confidence, and even using tongue twisters to both distract your mind and warm up your voice.
Abrahams’ latest book, Think Faster, Talk Smarter, is filled with practical advice for how to prepare for your next spontaneous conversation. He says the biggest mistake people make in their communication is starting from the wrong place. “We start by saying, here's what I want to say, versus, what does the audience or person I'm speaking to need to hear. And that's a fundamental mind shift. If I don't understand from your perspective what's important for you, what knowledge you have now versus where I would like you to be, I can't tailor my message.”
7 Masterclass Takeaways
AMP it up. If speaking makes you nervous, develop an Anxiety Management Plan to help you overcome the nerves.
Focus, focus, focus. Abrahams reminds us that sometimes people just want to know the time, not how to build the clock.
Prioritize connection, not perfection. “There is no right way to communicate. There are better ways and worse ways, but there is no one right way. And when we put that pressure on ourselves to do it right, we actually reduce the likelihood that we'll do it well at all.”
Think about your audience, not yourself. “We really need to be other-focused. And the nice thing about being other-focused is not only is the message more likely to land, the other person is likely to feel more valued because you're tailoring the message to them,” says Abrahams.
Make it relevant. And connect the dots for people. “If you can make something relevant to people, it's been shown that they process it so much more thoroughly and invest a lot of effort. We assume that if I set up everything, that you'll connect all the dots, and that's not always true.”
Be clear when giving feedback. Many leaders find giving feedback one of the hardest parts of their jobs. “When you give feedback, be very clear on what it is you're looking for. Many of us are just so frustrated, upset, at whatever's happening or not happening that we're not very clear,” Abrahams recommends.
Prepare to be spontaneous. Using common structures like “problem, solution, benefit” to tell your story can be practiced for your next spontaneous interaction.
Listen to Matt Abrahams’ communication insights, advice, and strategies for how to think faster and talk smarter.
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