There's a powerful psychological state that can paralyze us, interfere with effective relationships, block our empathy, and cause us to inflict harm. It's called shame.
Today, David Bedrick shares what shame is, how it’s created, and its connection to trauma. Some say shame keeps us humble, but David shares why we don’t need shame because it's not the same as embarrassment or regret. We unpack why shame is not a feeling but a psychological state that can leave you numb - and how you can instead create a space of safety and security within yourself. David shares how we can snap out of a shame spiral in the moment and also gives insights as to why some people may feel a need to shame others. David makes us think about our need to “solve,” or pathologize as he puts it, shame, anger, depression, and the like rather than process root causes to make meaning. He offers an intriguing thought experiment to try to break yourself of this tendency! Lastly, we touch on how to unashame conflict and dialogue through conflict in a more productive way.
To access the episode transcript, please search for the episode title at www.TheEmpathyEdge.com
Key Takeaways:
- Shame is different from embarrassment or humiliation. Shame is a psychological state that may have feelings associated with it.
- Negative feelings are not bad - they can even be helpful for understanding our behavior and lead us to making an action toward repair.
- Say the criticisms in your head aloud from the perspective of the negatives - it gives you a chance to respond and advocate for yourself.
"If shame enters my system, the only thing I care about is removing the bad experience I have in myself. I don't care about you. I care about being low. In the fully shame psyche, you don't exist as a person that matters to me at all." — David Bedrick, JD, Dipl. PW
Episode References:
- The Unshaming Way: amazon.com/Unshaming-Way-Compassionate-Dismantling-Shame-Heal/dp/B0CWL19X7G
- The Empathy Edge: Edwin Rutsch: How “Empathy Circles” Can Change the World
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About David Bedrick, JD, Dipl. PW Founder, The Santa Fe Institute for Shame-based Studies and Author of The Unshaming Way
David is a teacher, counselor, and attorney. He was adjunct faculty at the University of Phoenix and the Process Work Institute in the U.S. and Poland. He is the founder of the Santa Fe Institute for Shame-based Studies, where he offers facilitation training to deepen the skills and awareness of therapists, coaches, and healers and workshops for individuals to further their own personal development. He is a writer for Psychology Today and the author of four books: Talking Back to Dr. Phil: Alternatives to Mainstream Psychology; Revisioning Activism: Bringing Depth, Dialogue, and Diversity to Individual and Social Change; and You Can’t Judge a Body by Its Cover: 17 Women’s Stories of Hunger, Body Shame and Redemption. His recent book, The Unshaming Way, has been endorsed by Gabor Mate.
Connect with David:
Santa Fe Institute for Shame-based Studies: davidbedrick.com
Facebook: facebook.com/david.bedrick.9
Instagram: instagram.com/david.bedrick
Connect with Maria:
Get Maria's books on empathy: Red-Slice.com/books
Learn more about Maria's work: Red-Slice.com
Hire Maria to speak: Red-Slice.com/Speaker-Maria-Ross
Take the LinkedIn Learning Course! Leading with Empathy
LinkedIn: Maria Ross
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