How To Think With Dan Henry How to Stop Complaining and Start Winning
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Do you find yourself frequently complaining about your situation?
You might not notice it in yourself, but we can all see it in those around us, right? It’s natural to complain to some extent, and in some cases, our society and social circles even facilitate it.
Now, think about this…
What does complaining do for you?
It might help you blow off a little steam, but it’s doubtful. Most of the time, complaining highlights the negativity and leaves you feeling worse than you did before.
On top of that, when you complain, instead of working to solve the issue, you have wasted mental and physical energy that you could have used to overcome the problem or create a solution.
Let me share how you can find out if you are someone who frequently complains and share what you can do instead!
In this episode, I am going to cover:
- How to find out if you are a habitual complainer
- What happens when you invest your time and energy into complaining
- How to change your mindset to stop complaining and focus on finding solutions
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— TRANSCRIPT —
Hey everyone, in today's episode, I am going to talk about how to stop complaining and start winning.
All right, So if you listened to a previous episode, I talked about how to understand whether or not you should take a customer complaint seriously, and by taking the wrong ones seriously, you could actually negatively affect your business. And you know, I got to thinking, I was like, you know, some people might listen to this episode and think, Oh crap, you know, I might be one of those habitual complainers. And so, what I'd like to do in this episode is go over how to fix that. Because to be honest with you, when I was younger, I was a habitual complainer. Okay?
I was constantly complaining about everything. I was, you know, blaming everyone else. I didn't take responsibility for anything, and I just, I wasn't getting anywhere in life, wasn't getting successful, and I fixed it. So I'd like to share that with you.
So first of all, you have to understand that you know, human beings, it's natural to complain. It is all right. It doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't make you this, you know, terrible human being. It's just a natural thing that happens. There are tons of natural things that happen, and society sometimes can tend to facilitate that. And so first you have to understand that you're not a bad person. You know, there's nothing wrong with you. But you can definitely improve this aspect of your life so that you can have more success, right? Because when you complain, you have to understand that it doesn't help you. Even if your complaint is legitimate, it still doesn't help, right? If you're sitting there saying, oh, life is unfair, and life sucks and all this. Well, that's great. Maybe life is unfair. Maybe it does suck. But complaining about it doesn't help you solve problems.
The thing is, success is about solving problems, right? The more problems you solve, the more successful you become. And if you stop solving problems, then you are never going to be successful. If you continue solving problems one after another, you will eventually become successful.
It reminds me of that movie, the Martian with Matt Damon. And I remember, you know, if you haven't seen the movie, basically he gets stranded on Mars during a NASA mission, and they have to go and pick them back up because they left him there. And you know, so this whole movie is just, he almost dies. He has like grow his own food on Mars. Like he literally grew potatoes on Mars in Martian soil. And I don't remember the exact specifics, but he survived. And by the time they got him, he was like a twig.
But he survived. And at the end of the movie, He, you know, they show him years later, and he's teaching a class for new NASA recruits, and he says, you know, when you get up there at some point, everything is going to go south. And you can just accept that, hey, this is it. This is how I end. And you can die up there, or you can start doing the math, and you just start solving problems. You solve one problem, and then you solve the next problem, and then you solve the next problem. And if you solve enough problems, you get to come home. That was how the movie ended. And I remember hearing that and just thinking, wow, like that is so freaking true. Because in entrepreneurship, it's the same thing. If you keep solving problems and you keep solving problems, eventually, you get to become a millionaire.
Honestly, I mean maybe not a millionaire, maybe high six figures, whatever you get to become successful. But if you stop solving problems and you just accept that life sucks and everybody hates me, and it's not fair, then you will never become successful. And that's the thing. Life isn't fair. All right? Life is not fair. If two people are in a race, right, and they're racing around the track, and they're about to start the race on the same line. And then, for some reason, somebody walks up and says, hey, you, you have to go 20 yards back, and you have to start from there. And that's it. It's done deal. You have to do it, right? If you just quit and you say, well, that's not fair. Therefore I'm not going to race. You're not going to win the race. It's impossible for you to win the race. It's impossible.
But if you walk back there to that line and you say yourself, well, you know, this isn't really ideal, but I'm just gonna run faster. I'm going to run harder, and I'm still going to beat that guy. And you run your little booty off, and you may have a chance to win. Maybe you don't win, but maybe you do. Okay? Maybe you do. And you see, the thing is you have a chance. You do have a chance. And if you just quit, you have zero chance. At least you have some chance. Okay? And you know what? Maybe you don't win, but it doesn't matter because you will still learn. You will still get better. And eventually, you will win. You will see success if you just keep going and keep solving problems. So here's what I'd like you to do next time you find yourself complaining.
First of all, I would start asking friends, colleagues even. Say, Hey, I got a question for ya. You know, I'm trying, I'm really trying to improve my life and, and just, you know, really step it up. Could you tell me, do you think I complain a lot? And if you have friends that are honest, they'll tell you. And I remember doing this. I remember asking some of my friends do I complain a lot. And the response I got from all of them was pretty much the same. It started with cackling and laughing their butts off. And I was like, okay, I'm going to take that as yes. And they said, yeah, yeah you do.
And I tried to brush it off by saying, oh, well, you know, I'm just blowing off steam. It makes me feel better. But in the end, that was energy I was expelling. That could have been put into solving problems. All right? And so the first thing you need to do is be aware, okay? You need to say, all right, I need to identify when I complain. So I'm going to observe myself for a day, and I want, you want to try to catch yourself when you complain, all right? One thing you can do as well, if you have a partner or friends, whoever that you live with or hang out with a lot, you can ask them. You can say, Hey, would you do me a favor? Would you tell me when I start complaining? Will you call me out on it? And when you do this, you can start to realize how much you actually complain.
And the next thing is you have to take responsibility for what you're doing, right? There are two forms of responsibilities, right? Let's say you're complaining about something, and there's a legitimate complaint. You also have to realize that even though your complaint might be legitimate, the act of complaining excessively, especially, is that really going to solve the problem? All right? You know, I've hired and fired a lot of people in my career and you know, who I always look for. I look for the person that, when they are in an unfair situation, still step up.
For instance, let's say there's a team effort, and let's say somebody's not pulling their weight. I remember this happened one time, there was a project that we had going on, and there were three people in the project, and one person was just not pulling their weight, not pulling their weight at all, and the two other people were pulling their weight.
And one person was complaining about it and just really complaining, came to me complaining, complaining as if I didn't notice it myself, but they were complaining. The other person decided to pick up the slack and basically do two people's jobs and didn't complain. You could tell he wasn't happy, but he didn't complain, and he got the job done. And when I noticed that, I rewarded him by giving him a raise and some other things I won't discuss, but I rewarded him. And the thing about it is when you have the ability to take responsibility for your own thoughts, your own actions, that's one thing. But when you have the ability to take responsibility for someone else's screw-ups, even though you shouldn't have to, even though it's not fair, but you do it anyway now, that is a mindset that will get you extremely far in life.
Extremely far. All right. I mean, imagine you are on a team of a sports team, and you wanted to get, I don't know, you wanted to get to the Superbowl, and somebody wasn't pulling their weight, and so you could complain, or you could run faster, right? You could work harder, and let's say you did that, and you just squeezed out the win. Now you get to go to the Superbowl. But if you just complained, you're definitely not going to the Superbowl, right? So you can actually create successes in your life by picking up the slack of other people, even though it's unfair, even though you shouldn't have to, you just do it anyway because you're either a doer or you're a complainer, right? So you have to take the second thing at first, be aware. Second, take responsibility for both yourself and for others.
All right? Now I'm not saying that if you buy a car and you drive it off the lot, and the car breaks down, you shouldn't complain and get your money back. I'm not saying that. We gotta use a little common sense here. But what I'm saying is that when things are not ideal, right? Like if you spent five grand on a course and one of the lessons is two hours, and you're sitting there complaining that the lesson is too long, and therefore you don't watch the lesson. Well, now you're not going to learn this stuff. So you could just stop being such a freaking lazy complainer and just watching anyway, okay? Solve the problem, period. And you'll learn this stuff, and you move forward. Okay. When I went to college, I mean I dropped out, but when I went to college, you know, I had a really good GPA. I had a 4.0, and I hated most of the classes, but I did it anyway.
And so when you have the ability to take responsibility for your actions, take responsibility for somebody else's actions, pick up the slack and do things you really don't want to do anyway, you open up a whole new world of possibilities for yourself. Because you have to remember that most people, 99.9% of the people on the planet, are not willing to do that. And so, if you simply are willing, you now open yourself up. You open the door to a whole world of success that 99% of the population has closed themselves off from. All right? And so take responsibility and just remember, these are just thoughts. They're just thoughts. Take a positive action, right? Put away the negative and take a positive action.
So the third thing is, and this is ties in, focus on the end result. Try to think about what you really want, and ask yourself, what action will get me what I want. Will complain and get me what I want, or will doing this thing get me what I want. If doing this thing gets me what I want, even if it's unfair, even if it's not ideal, even if it's hard, even if I shouldn't have to do it, I'm going to do it anyway. Will it get me what I want? And not that all 100% of the time. It's going to be that and not complaining. So you have to ask yourself, do you really want it? If you really want it, you'll stop complaining, and you'll start doing.
And then the other thing is you have to reverse your thoughts, right? So if you're thinking this lesson is two hours long, I don't have time to watch this. I don't want to sit here for two hours and learn this. Reverse that and say, you know what? I've had a hard week. I'm gonna relax. I'm going to sit down, I'm going to open my laptop, and I'm going to enjoy this lesson. Okay, I'm going to grab a nice cup of chamomile tea. I'm going to put on some very low soft music just so that you know, it's nice in here, a nice environment and I'm going to listen to this, and I'm going to have a great time because I'm learning something that is going to make me money or help me lose weight or make me happy or whatever it is, right? And start focusing on the positive and not the negative.
It's like I get up every morning at 7:30. My personal trainer comes in, wakes me up every morning at 7:30, and I don't like leg day. I hate leg day, right? Just because I dunno, I just don't like it. Most people don't like leg day, but every Friday, I do it because when I wake up, instead of thinking, oh, I hate leg day, I'll say, oh, this is the last day. And then I get two days off cause I work out Monday through Friday. I take Saturday, Sunday off. So I'm thinking, oh one more, just one more, and I'm done, and I get two days of rest. Okay. Or Oh man, I get to see if I can bump up my squat today, right? Yeah. In the back of my head, maybe, oh, I hate leg day, but I just reverse it, and I think about a positive. So whatever your negative thought is just 180 degrees, reverse it, right? And focus on whatever the opposite of that negative thought is because the opposite of the negative thought is a positive outcome.
So to recap, be aware of your negativity and your complaining. Enlist your friends to help you become aware. Then commit to taking responsibility for your complaining, for your own actions, for your own shortcomings. Take responsibility for other people's shortcomings and pick up the slack, do it anyway. And as well, focus on number three, focus on what you really want. Focus on the end result, on the end goal. And ask yourself what action will get you there? Is it complaining, or is it doing something? And then finally flip your negative thoughts.
If you can do these four things, you will start becoming less of a complainer and more of a doer. And when you're a doer, that's when you get things done. And I understand, you know, it's hard and man, people can be so freaking unfair. They really can. You know, I remember when I used to play league pool. Man, if you're a pool player, you'll know that there's a lot of unfairness that happens in, you know, when you go to these like bar tournaments and stuff like that, it just happens, right?
And I remember there was one time we were playing, I don't remember exactly what had happened, but they give you handicaps. And because of some weird technicality or because I had taken our, sorry, the guy that I was facing had taken more than 60 days off from playing, he had his handicap drop, and this guy was a really, really good player. And so one of our teammates was complaining about it, and he was supposed to face him.
He was complaining. He's like, this is bs. This guy is really good. He's played semipro tournaments. This is a technicality. While, this guy who's not even that good, you know, didn't have a fair handicap yet, and it was not fair. It absolutely was not fair. But here's the thing, no matter what, nothing was gonna change that night. It wasn't going to get corrected. There was no way that that handicap was going to get changed. We were where we were. And so I thought to myself, all right, this is an unfair situation, but how can we solve it? How can we still squeeze out a win? And so I walk over to the guy. I said, hey, if it's okay with you, cause you could tell that the guy that he was supposed to face was annoyed by our teammates, negativity, and complaining, and just tell he wasn't into it. And he's rolling his eyes.
I said, hey listen, my buddy here is, you know, complaining. I'm the same rank as him. How about I play you instead because I'm not going to complain. Let's just play. Let's just have fun, if that's okay. And the guy said, okay, fine. So what I decided to do was I thought, all right, how can I beat this guy? And so what I decided to do was just try to play a very safe game and constantly hook this guy and frustrate him and get him to a point where he was super frustrated. Because I'd watched him play before, and I noticed that he got frustrated a lot when he did have trouble. And so instead of me trying to actually win the game, I would play safe on him, which is legal in pool, bar pool, you know, what they call APA.
And I would just intentionally frustrate this guy, a much different strategy than what I would normally play. And he got so frustrated that he started, you know, one stroking and just not really paying attention to what he was doing and just being very frustrated. And I actually ended up pulling out the win. And so, you know, when I look back on that experience, I think finding a solution, like the energy that you put into complaining, could be energy that you could simply put into finding a solution and just solving the problem, right? Because the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is only available if you go to the end of the rainbow. But if you sit at the other end and you complain, and you moan, and you cry about whatever, and you never even attempt to find the gold, you will never find the gold, it's 100% chance you will fail, right?
If all you do is complain, you have a 100% chance of failure and a 0% chance of success. But if you just get over it and try anyway, there is at least a chance that you will succeed. You know you have the choice between taking action and doing something hard or picking up the slack, or complaining. You want to choose action because action will get you everywhere, and complaining will get you nowhere.
Again, understand complaining gets you nowhere. Action gets you everywhere. And if you have the ability, I'll say it one more time. If you have the ability to do things, even though they are unfair, you will unlock a door to a world that 99% of people are unwilling to open, and all the gold will be there waiting for you with literally no competition, no one in your way. You can just open the sack and start filling it with gold, sling it over your shoulder and laugh all the way to the bank. All right, so I hope this episode has helped you, and I hope you can do what I did and fix that habit of just constant negativity and complaining and turn it into action. All right, I love you guys. I'll see you in the next episode.