Isaac Fitzgerald, New York Times bestselling author of Dirtbag, Massachusetts, discusses poverty, privilege, substance abuse, and self-awareness in his revealing confessional memoir. He also reflects on attending a private boarding school, overcoming substance abuse, and rediscovering New York City during COVID.
The speaker's involvement in the porn industry was influenced by supportive friends from the San Francisco artistic community.
Working at a bar provided the speaker with a safe space to explore their identity and connect with the porn industry.
Writing their memoir allowed the speaker to find relief, self-realization, and improved relationships with their parents.
Deep dives
Overcoming Body Image Issues: From feeling too big to performing on camera
Growing up, the speaker struggled with body image issues and felt too big. However, through connections in the San Francisco literary and artistic community, which included sex workers and performers, the speaker started to feel more at ease about their body. These friends encouraged the speaker to consider working in the porn industry, providing information about the job and the potential earnings. Through their support and reassurance, the speaker was able to overcome their anxiety and perform sexually on camera.
Seeking Intimacy and Safety: Working at Zeitgeist and the Armory
For the speaker, working at Zeitgeist, a bar in San Francisco, represented a return to a feeling of intimacy and safety. The bar provided a familiar and comfortable environment where the speaker could just exist and explore their own identity. The speaker, who also worked at a bar near the Armory, a building where pornography was shot, met sex workers and performers from the porn industry. Through these connections, the speaker gained insight into the industry and its community, which ultimately led to their own involvement in porn.
Finding Value in Writing and Memoir Writing
The speaker's experience with writing and memoir writing provided them with a means to explore their own stories and experiences, leading to a better understanding of themselves. Through the process of writing their memoir, the speaker found value in their own life and gained a lighter, more positive perspective. The act of sitting down and reflecting on difficult memories allowed the speaker to find relief and self-realization. As a result, the memoir not only improved the speaker's relationships with their parents but also fostered a better relationship with themselves.
Discovering the Power of Literature
The podcast episode explores the speaker's upbringing in a household where books were highly valued and how literature played a significant role in shaping their identity. The speaker emphasizes the influence of their parents, who instilled a deep respect for books and reading from a young age. They share personal anecdotes, such as their father recording himself reading "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy, showing his efforts to connect with them through literature. The speaker also reflects on the power of literature to make one feel less alone in the world and how their parents believed in the educational and self-exploratory value of books.
Navigating Boarding School and Challenging Assumptions
The podcast episode delves into the speaker's experience attending a boarding school and how it challenged their preconceived notions of wealth and class. The speaker initially had a chip on their shoulder and judged their affluent classmates. However, they soon realized that wealth did not determine kindness or character. This realization opened their mind to the diverse experiences and perspectives of people from different backgrounds. It also led them to question their previous belief that poverty equated to superiority. The speaker discusses the transformative impact of this awareness and how it expanded their understanding of education and human connection.
Isaac Fitzgerald has been a firefighter, worked on a boat, and was once given a sword by a king. He is also the New York Times bestselling author of Dirtbag, Massachusetts, a coming of age memoir recounting his early years in Boston, an ongoing search for forgiveness, and a more expansive definition of family and self.
