Influencing Death and Living Fully: Hospice Nurse Penny On the Mystery, Mercy and Humor of Dying

Today’s guest is someone whose presence ripples far beyond the traditional walls of medicine.

Nurse Penny Smith, also known to millions online as @hospicenursepenny, is a nationally certified hospice and palliative care nurse, a social media educator, and the author of the powerful new book, Influencing Death: Reframing Dying for Better Living.

With over 20 years of intimate experience at the bedside of the dying, and more than two million followers drawn to her dark humor, dance, and deeply human wisdom, Penny is helping us reclaim something we have collectively pushed away: our relationship with death.

In a world obsessed with youth and longevity, her message is a radical invitation to soften our fear, to educate ourselves, and to begin to see death not as the opposite of life, but as its mirror.

This conversation is especially meaningful to me. Earlier this year, I lost my father. And while I live immersed in the health and wellness world, and explore every corner of longevity and life extension, I know that none of it is complete without the courage to look at our own endings.

Penny and I speak about what a “good death” means, how to support our loved ones and ourselves through the mystery of dying, and what she has witnessed that suggests there is more beyond the veil.

If you have ever whispered the question what happens when we die, or if you simply want to live more fully, this episode is for you.

Episode Highlights:

00:00 – Introduction to Nurse Penny Smith, her background in hospice care, and her new book Influencing Death: Reframing Dying for Better Living

02:00 – Why our culture avoids talking about death, and how medical advancements have contributed to this denial

04:30 – How Penny opens up conversations about death with patients and their families

06:00 – The value of grief counseling and how hospice services support loved ones for up to a year after death

09:00 – Penny’s journey through addiction and incarceration, and how it shaped her capacity to care without judgment

12:15 – Supporting “difficult” patients and families by recognizing their humanity without needing to fix or judge them

15:00 – Penny's unexpected rise on social media and the impact of her dark humor and dance videos

16:45 – Deathbed visions, Penny’s personal experiences with her father’s passing, and what changed her perspective on the afterlife

22:00 – Swedish death cleaning, writing your own obituary, and planning your memorial on your terms

26:15 – On recording conversations and preserving memories as acts of legacy

28:00 – Concerns around AI-generated avatars of deceased loved ones and the ethics of consent

32:15 – Penny’s strong support for medically assisted death and patient autonomy

34:30 – Ketamine therapy for end-of-life anxiety and grief, and Penny’s hope for more tools like nitrous oxide in hospice settings

37:30 – What death has taught Penny about how to live more fully

40:00 – How to choose a hospice provider, what questions to ask, and why nonprofit Medicare-certified agencies may offer better care

44:15 – The most important thing Penny wants families to know: talk openly about death with your loved ones before it’s too late

Resources mentioned:

Nurse Penny’s Website – https://www.hospicenursepenny.com

Influencing Death: Reframing Dying for Better Living (Book) – https://www.hospicenursepenny.com/book

Medicare Hospice Comparison Tool (Care Compare) – https://www.medicare.gov/care-compare

Nurse Penny on YouTube – https://www.youtube.com/@HospiceNursePenny

Nurse Penny on TikTok – https://www.tiktok.com/@hospicenursepenny

Nurse Penny on Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/hospicenursepenny

Nurse Penny on Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/HospiceNursePenny