39. A Curiosity Practice That Transforms Partners

We believe a critical element that separates an ordinary from an extraordinary relationship is the skill of curiosity. In a world that feels harder to be present, curiosity isn’t as accessible — which is why we try to come back to the childlike delight of questioning and discovering things. It takes intentionality, presence, and continuous practice to build the skill of curiosity, but the investment can help both heal and transform ourselves and our partners. 

In this episode, we explain the difference between true curiosity and socially-appropriate questions, and why receiving curiosity before giving curiosity is so closely tied to Richard (Dick) C. Schwartz’s Parts work. We navigate the reasoning behind an imbalanced curiosity dynamic, and we share a recent dinner “rupture” story, in which curiosity helped us step into the other’s experience and repair.

We also discuss how to help someone navigate deeper curiosity, and provide an example of how we find deeply authentic and connected curiosity in our relationship (within a time limit). When we continue to strengthen the skill of curiosity with each other, we are reminded that “We can do more than I can.”

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Topics Covered:

• The difference between curiosity and questions 
• The difference between true curiosity and socially-appropriate questions 
• Why receiving curiosity needs to happen before giving curiosity 
• How we bring curiosity to Parts work and when stepping into another’s experience
• Suggestions for responding to those who aren’t present in their curiosity 
• An example of how to work on authentic curiosity with another

Resources Mentioned: 

• Richard (Dick) C. Schwartz, founder of Internal Family Systems  
• Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin

Get in Touch: 

• The Art Of We Website
• The Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute: Integrative Mental Wellness & Psychedelic Therapy Training

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