Episode Summary

In this episode, Dr. Kourosh Dini challenges the limits of “chemistry-only” explanations and explores the deeper rhythms of agency and engagement. Drawing on Dr. Thomas Brown’s vivid metaphor—ADHD as “erectile dysfunction of the mind”—we ask: What if the real key isn’t willpower, but the mindful cultivation of agency and self-trust?

Listeners will learn:

Why “willpower” is a problematic concept for wandering minds.
How agency differs from willpower and why it matters for daily life.
The power of “the daily visit” as a compassionate practice to nudge forward on tasks, even when motivation feels absent.
How emotional waves and environmental supports can be harnessed to create meaningful engagement.
Why practice is more about care than force, and how to honor both present and future selves in the process.

The episode closes with a personal reflection on the role of music and meaning, featuring Beethoven’s Pathetique as a metaphor for settling into rhythms of focus.

References & Resources Mentioned

Dr. Thomas Brown’s metaphor:
(Referenced in the episode introduction.)
Instagram post quote: “The ADHD brain isn’t lazy or undisciplined. It’s wired to need stronger stimulation to maintain focus.”
Episode 4: Introduction to the “daily visit” practice.
Episode 9: Deep dive into the concept of “injured agency.”
Episode 14: Previous metaphor of the magnified mind and emotional waves.
Karl Haas & Adventures in Good Music: (link) Inspiration for the musical closing and reflection on the power of loving one’s craft.
Beethoven’s Pathetique: Featured musical piece at the end of the episode.

Tags

ADHD
Agency
Willpower
Daily Visit Practice
Emotional Regulation
Productivity
Self-Compassion
Focus Strategies
Neurodiversity
Musical Metaphors

Listener Invitation

Have you tried the “daily visit” approach? What helps you nudge forward when motivation is low? Share your experiences or questions by replying to this episode or connecting on social media.

Music for this episode: Beethoven’s Pathetique, performed by Dr. Kourosh Dini.

For more resources, exercises, and community support, visit the Waves of Focus course page or explore the Letters of a Wandering Mind series.

Transcript

Open

I refuse to believe that any science would tell me I have no free will. The slippery slope of victimhood can plague the science of ADHD Because once again, I've seen the statement.

"I do not have the interest. Therefore, I could not do it."

A Metaphor of ADHD as Erectile Dysfunction

Dr. Thomas Brown, an important voice in the ADHD community recently described it as an "erectile dysfunction of the mind." Let me play the clip for you here.

Certainly the sexual nature of the metaphor is exciting. There's something immediately and viscerally engaging about it. There's a useful sentiment in there, but there's also the possibility of a slippery slope that could be used against ourselves to advocate the sort of victimhood and helplessness, this trouble of actively doing something for ourselves.

So I want to take this apart and see where we can use its ideas without trapping ourselves.

An Over-Focus on "Chemistry"

An important caution in the statement that's made is perhaps the conclusion that the problem is one of chemistry. The implication is that it's that the only valid perspective for wandering mind's difficulties, and when it comes to our sense of agency, our ability to decide and engage something, I would much rather prefer to at least entertain the notion that other potential perspectives exist.

There's a spoiler warning here. I believe they do.

We can look at the entire universe through the lens of chemistry.

So much of our existence can be seen through carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, as these are bonded, taken apart, and rearranged. But even here, within this one perspective, it starts to invite other perspectives. We see the windows to other places. Smaller and larger.

On the smaller side, of carbon, hydrogen, and oxygen -these are atoms. Within atoms, we're talking electrons and their orbitals, neutrons, protons. Smaller, yet we can go to quarks: up, down charm, strange. We can go to the forces that are involved of weak, strong electromagnetic can throw in gravitational.

We're here at the level of physics now. In this way, chemistry and physics are something of an artificial distinction. Chemistry being more of an epiphenomenon of physics.

But we could also go larger from chemistry to biology. For instance, we have molecules and ions that construct the bilipid layers of our cells, each one with gates and channels that leverage cycles of osmosis on one side and active shoving of ions through another set of channels, powered by adenosine tri phosphate in the right key of an enzyme.

Larger yet organs, blood, skin, thyroid, kidneys. One of my favorites is the brain, but why stop there?

There's a larger phenomena yet, which to me seems pretty important. Our existence. Meaning, story, day- to- day, the mind.

To make a metaphor, we have the components of our violin: strings, tuning, the wood, how it's constructed.

These are all important.

But I want to make and hear music. In fact, I wanna make enjoyable, meaningful music. And when we cannot hear it or make it, there might be a problem, certainly with the violin. It could be, it could be a crack in the wood, maybe there's a broken string. Maybe it's out of tune, but maybe just maybe there's some form of practice that could help us write or play a lovely piece.

Interestingly enough, within the text of the Instagram post itself was an important statement:

"the ADHD brain isn't lazy or undisciplined. It's wired to need stronger stimulation to maintain focus."

The stronger the emotion, the more aligning it is. This can be true for anyone, wandering mind or otherwise, but it can be particularly helpful for a wandering mind in the sense that it can create the sort of emotional wave that we can ride.

Or in the metaphor of the magnified mind that I gave in episode 14, it can help us create this consistency in our short-term memory, this sort of peripheral strength to the lens of awareness, this bed on which our consciousness can better rest, that helps to stabilize our vision, reduce distractibility, and then engage us.

Doing the dishes, an often considered aversive task for the wandering mind, can be every bit as complex as creating a piece of music, an epiphenomena of many things.

Not only in a complexity of motion, but sometimes even in the emotions we confront as we stand at the edge of the sink.

"I can't believe I can't do this. I know how to do this. I don't want to do this."

Just as there are many possibilities to how we might not be able to play a piece that we'd like, there are many paths by which we might arrive at this wandering mind from the curious to the brilliant, to the hurt, to the anxious, to the concerned, to the artistic and well beyond.

Chemistry as Abandoning Free Will

Now there's a second trouble that I have with this word "chemical," which is the same that I have with "dopamine" or "norepinephrine," in that it can quickly become this metaphor of having no free will, that the only way to make things happen is to access it using this method that is outside of our experience.

And I refuse to believe that we have no free will.

Now, to be fair, he did not use the phrase "free will," but he did use a very parallel word "willpower," which itself is a terribly problematic word.

As the best as I can understand it, willpower means being able to do something that we would otherwise not want to do, implying that there is some form of force involved.

Now, there's some troubles with this point of view.

First missing is that there are multiple emotional fields at play.

For example, in order for this scenario itself to exist in which we're, let's say, complaining that we don't want to do the dishes, there's some part of us that says, "I do wanna do the dishes." Otherwise we wouldn't even be having this conversation. Now, certainly there's another part, perhaps huge and outweighing the first part that says, "I don't want to."

But again, it's only a part.

Even the very analogy of erectile dysfunction can be tremendously complicated. Certainly there are illnesses, certainly there's age, these can have an effect, but there are also times where a man can have trouble performing with his wife, but get quite excited when it comes to their colleague at work.

To write off that there might be something psychological going on disconnects us from

other important possibilities, many of which could be worth looking into.

A Perspective of Injured Agency

Another perspective then, a psychological one, that's at least worth considering is that of injured agency.

I get into this in detail in episode nine, but just to give a thumbnail sketch here, agency is that part of us that can decide and engage non-reactively. I'll say it again. Agency is that part of us that can decide and engage non-reactively.

That may sound boring, may not sound like much. Quite literally, it's not as sexy of a description, but to decide and engage is a vital purpose of consciousness. In some circles, it is the only purpose of consciousness, and by extension it is our very personhood itself.

When we do not trust ourselves in how we can decide and engage. In the moment. Over time with small matters or large matters, we do not trust ourselves.

Our very personhood feels injured, if not under threat.

When we lose things, forget things, can't get to things instantly, we lose that sense of our own cohesion that we exist. We yell, "no." To others, we yell "no" to the others that we have internalized as a part of our cry to the universe that we exist. The exhausting struggles sap the resources that we have, the emotional worlds that we have within ourselves to be able to engage, to be able to decide.

To regain that ability to heal that injury, that sense of agency means being able to decide and engage non-reactively. That word "non-reactive" is vital.

That means there's no force to making things happen because otherwise we're reacting.

When we bounce between this and that, praying that we'll find some way to engage something somewhere that feels meaningful to us , we're trying to stave off that free fall sense of existential dread.

Nicely said in the text of the post that it is not about trying harder.

It's about creating environment supports and strategies that align with how the ADHD brain is wired to succeed. End quote.

But still, it's only part of the story.

Willpower Vs Agency

The second trouble in the word "willpower" is the sense that it either exists or doesn't. It's on or off. It's binary- instead of the idea of agency, which is something we can develop and practice over time, a skill that we can have more or less of. That we can face and understand our emotions as they are, as sometimes having meaning and then deciding what to do with that.

Sometimes we don't want to do the dishes because of what it represents or because right now it might just not be a good idea. Sometimes our sexual faculties aren't working because there's something about the relationship itself that's not working.

Acknowledging the trouble might lead to some considerations about what's not working. Are needs not being met? Are there conversations that could be had? Are there styles of communication that could be better practiced to help get needs met for both parties?

Agency over Willpower

We can face the emotional fields as they are, be with them, and feel how they might be influencing our sense of agency.

We can create and decide from that state and however we decide at that point. We do so from a place that feels most meaningful to us, rather than reactively.

Concerns of "Practice"

So how do we practice that sense? Because even the word "practice" itself can be troublesome. Practicing an instrument, exercising, getting good at some craft, we might hit that frustration quickly if not instantly and say, "oh, I need to try harder. No pain, no gain."

Either of these statements are a terrible distortion of what practice actually is.

At its heart, practice is no different than care: a process of clearing and supporting paths for the development of those things that feel meaningful to you. In this case, agency itself.

Practicing a Visit

There are several ways to practice this, and one that I tend to return to over and over is this idea of the daily visit. It's not easy, but it does develop a sense of power.

If you'd like, give a listen to episode four for an overview about it. But let me give you a thumbnail now.

It's that we show up to something and be there fully with it, and then make a decision. We show up to the dishes, honoring the self that does want to do the dishes, as small as that part might be.

But then. We respect the present self that can make a decision. We do not have to do it. That present self can weigh the emotions as they are the big voices, the small, respecting that sense of agency. Maybe we nudge it forward, maybe we don't.

And then when we want to step away, whether we've done a lot, a little or none at all, we can practice care for that future self by creating an invite for a return to another visit. Once again, honoring that part of us that does want to do it while respecting the agency of the future self who will come to that next visit and make their own decision.

Every visit builds momentum, conscious and unconscious.

Maybe you nudge something. Maybe the next time it starts to turn into a flow, maybe you realize why it's not a good idea.

Every time we do make that visit, particularly regular visits daily, perhaps, we guide the waves of focus within ourselves using our own rhythms.

We practice agency.

A Takeaway

So as a takeaway, as one practice, something you might want to try: the next time you don't want to do the dishes or the laundry or something else you don't want to do, are you able to show up to the thing? Can you go there and be with that thing? You don't have to do any of it.

You can nudge it forward if you like. You can do the whole thing if you decide to within and through it, or you can do absolutely none of it.

And if you're not done with it, could you make some sort of invitation to yourself to come back and do the same once again?

Adventures in Good Music and the Pathetique

Years ago, my father would listen to a radio show called Adventures in Good Music hosted by Karl Haas. This beautiful show in which Karl Haas would play classical music and describe what was going on, whether it was about the composers, the musicians, the music itself. He had this lovely voice. My father once said, "Sometimes I don't know what he says, but I sure like how he says it."

I really like that.

Whatever Haas would say, you could absolutely hear his love of good music.

Every show would begin with Beethoven's Pathetique a marvelous piece. So whenever I heard that piece, I knew I could settle into his words and the worlds that he would describe.

Beethoven's Pathetique is a beautiful work. This rendition that I do here is faster than the one that you might hear on the radio show if you search it online somewhere, but I think the beauty still holds up and uh, I hope you enjoy it.

Mentioned in this episode:

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