Why do I feel lonely in my relationship? Dial Emma: What Am I Missing?

This week on Dial Emma, I'm delving into a relationship question people often feel ashamed to even ask out loud - because surely loneliness is something we feel when we're single, not when we're sharing a bed with someone who loves us? And yet, some of the loneliest people I've ever met are in long-term relationships.

Our listener writes: "I've been married for nine years, and my husband is a genuinely good man. We don't fight very often and we parent well together, but somewhere along the way, I started feeling invisible. We spend every evening in the same room, usually both looking at our phones or watching television, and weeks go by without us really talking. It's not that we're unhappy, it's that I feel deeply alone. How can I feel lonely when I'm lying next to the person I love?"

In this episode, I explore why loneliness isn't the absence of people, but the absence of feeling known. Relationships don't protect us from loneliness - connection does, and connection needs tending.

I also introduce my Four C's model, built on the transactional analysis framework of parent–adult–child ego states, to map where connection can live, and where it can quietly go missing, in a relationship.

Dial Emma is hosted by Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Lauren Brook.

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