The Great Man Within 5 Signs You're Watching Too Much Porn (DQ Solo)
#153:
As I sat down to type this, it dawned on me that I haven’t met a guy who’s not watching enough porn. (If you are out there, sir, identify yourself!)
But alas, this is not a porn shaming conversation.
Quite the opposite.
I come to you with the intent of helping you develop a healthy, conscious and intentional relationship with porn.
So let’s start with answering one of the most common questions I get from men:
How Do I Know If I’m Watching Too Much Porn?
I’m a believer that porn, when incorporated in a conscious, ethical and intentional way, can bring incredible dynamism to your relationship with your own sexuality…as well as your interpersonal love life.
The problem is, most guys consume porn the way subway rats scavenge for crumbs: indiscriminately.
Over years and decades of indiscriminate porn use, you will inevitably build some bad, secretive and even shameful habits.
Those typically show up in a variety of ways.
Here are 5 of the most common:
- You fantasize about porn while having sex.
- Scenes pop into your head while you’re in the act.
- You can’t get aroused or finish without it.
- You’re disengaged from your partner because you’re caught up in the fantasy.
- You feel shame afterwards (or yucky, regretful or empty)
- You’re needing increasingly more extreme porn to get you off.
- Think back 1 or 2 years ago…what got you off back then? How much more extreme does what you’re watching now need to be in order to get the same effect?
- Real human bodies don’t “do it” for you anymore.
- Your partner’s real body is unappealing to you…you need “porn bodies.”
- You feel shame about your own body as compared to what you see in porn.
- You can’t stop.
- Maybe you’ve wanted to stop to focus on intimacy with your partner…but can’t seem to hold on for long.
- Perhaps you make a commitment to stop and find yourself back in the trough again before you wanted to.
- These are indicators that porn is more deeply embedded into your patterned behavior than you’d want it to be.
Today’s episode of The Great Man Within Podcast is an honest, practical and compassionate discussion on how to bring intentionality and consciousness (and choice!) back into your relationship with porn.
Also in this episode:
- Two ethical porn site recommendations (one where women choose their sexual acts and sex partners)
- One book recommendation
- 3 questions to ask your friends about porn (great for men’s group discussions)
-DQ
PS, when you’re done with this episode, don’t forget to check out these next:
- Lisa Ann, Backstage with the Top 10 Porn Star (what the porn industry doesn’t want you to know)
- How to Last Longer in Bed: 5 Practices
Resources Mentioned in the Episode
Book: Ethical Porn for Dicks by Dr David Ley
Ethical porn sites:
www.Lustery.com – homemade porn
www.Bellesa.com – women choose the porn scenarios and partners
3 questions to ask your male friends:
- What adjectives would you use to describe your porn habits?
- Do you think you could stop using porn without suffering…and if so, for how long?
- What would a healthy relationship with porn feel like for you?