Taylor Payne brings you our Monday show with George Caulkin and Jacob Whitehead celebrating football's sexiest two words... we'll whisper them into your ear.

Paris Saint-Germain getting relegated from Ligue 1 is about as likely as Jacob winning Masterchef, but Peter Rutzler, THE RELEGATOR, joins us for our Champions League preview so maybe he can help us put them into the Europe League.

All that, plus the latest madcap victory in a great start to the season for NUFCW, several misguided animal metaphors, and an inquiry into potential phone-w*nkery.

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