Autistic Culture | Where autism meets identity! Autistic Intimacy (With Kate McNulty) (Episode 114)
An episode that uncovers the intimate side of autism.
Here’s what’s in store for today’s episode:
* Our hosts explore autistic intimacy in this episode, beginning with the unique challenges of dating as an autistic person.
* There are countless preconceived notions about autistic people and intimacy—that’s why we’ve invited autistic sex and relationship therapist Kate McNulty to join us for this episode!
* Autistic adults have only recently begun speaking out and being taken somewhat seriously. Before this, parents were the ones speaking for their autistic children, which has left autistic sexuality largely unexplored and misunderstood.
* It seems that autism parents focus on teaching life skills—but understanding sexuality and relationships is one too.
* Much of the lack of research into autistic sexuality is, unfortunately, rooted in eugenics.
* On the other hand, 5% of the autistic community is asexual, meaning they experience intimacy in a different way.
* We also dive into the idea of couples therapy and how it can support autistic relationship dynamics.
* In addition, we discuss the unfortunate reality of masking in relationships—how many autistic individuals feel pressured to suppress their true selves to meet societal or partner expectations, and the emotional toll this can take over time.
* Autistic people tend to be much more accepting of unconventional relationship structures—an interesting contrast, given that they also highly value sameness and consistency.
* We also explore how SPIN sharing—bonding over special interests—can be a crucial component of autistic intimacy.
* In addition to this, we also discuss the diversity of autistic intimacy and the strong presence of LGBTQ individuals within the community.
* Sensory overwhelm can be a real challenge in the bedroom for autistic individuals, so we discuss effective strategies for managing it.
* Plus, we talk about how to create a sensory-friendly bedroom environment to help facilitate a more comfortable and intimate experience.
* There’s nothing sexier in an autistic relationship dynamic than a partner who is accommodating and flexible.
* Finally, we explore autistic joy and the profound impact it has on our intimate relationships. We discuss how embracing the things that bring us joy—whether it's special interests, shared experiences, or moments of connection—can deepen emotional bonds and create a more authentic, fulfilling dynamic in relationships.
“The majority of the people that I’ve worked with are adults. I’ve worked with some teenagers who are now in their 20’s. And every once in awhile, I get a parent who signs their teenager or 20 something or 40 something up for therapy. And they want their autistic child to have ‘life skills’. But when you come into relationships and sex, all of a sudden, it’s like ‘my God, no, we can’t do that!”, because they’re still under the impression that their kid who has trouble making food or getting a job or something is never going to have a healthy relationship.” - Matt
“It is a major turn-on to see someone very intensely sorting and categorizing their rock collection.” - Matt
“We want to do all we can to make the bedroom a sensory-friendly environment. That oftentimes means getting clutter out of the way, making sure the sheets are clean, getting rid of any fragrances from laundry or soap or body products, anything that’s gonna interfere. It’s important to be candid with one another about that and not take it personally.” - Kate
“There are some things about autistic nervous systems that are unlikely to change. We don’t become desensitized. We can try to be flexible and match our partner’s desires, but we can only take it so far. And that’s a can’t, not a won’t.” - Kate
“I will confirm that there’s nothing sexier than a flexible partner.” - Matt
“Part of autistic intimacy is knowing that there’s room for all kinds of imaginative play, sharing weird fantasies or quirky ideas, and being in that space together, that psychological space you share of imagination and anything being possible.” - Matt
Did you enjoy this episode? We explored the intersection of autism with various aspects of life, diving into the unique experiences of autistic intimacy and relationships. Tune in as we discuss the challenges of sensory overwhelm, the diversity of autistic experiences, and how couples therapy can support autistic relationship dynamics. Let us know your thoughts in the comments, and use #AutisticCultureCatch to share your experiences!
Show Notes:
Angela’s SPin Study
bit.ly/spinstudyLook for a KINK MUNCH - Find a MunchFind a Munch
https://findamunch.comCarol Queen - Exhibitionism for the Shyhttps://www.amazon.com/dp/0940208350
I Love You, Don't Touch Me: Sex and Sensory Processing ...YouTube · Pink Therapy690+ views · 4 years agoKate McNulty LCSW
Gottman Certified Relationship Therapist
AASECT Certified Sex Therapist
Autistic Therapist
Scheduling link:
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