Keith Yackey, Founder and CEO of The Married Game, shares his transformative journey of enhancing marital relationships and personal growth. He emphasizes the importance of authenticity, supporting one's partner, and being a good parent. The chapter highlights the significance of openness, self-reflection, confidence, and keeping the spark alive in marriage. They also discuss challenging beliefs and the power of personal development.
Being fully present and engaged in interactions is key to improving relationships.
Small micro wins can make a significant difference in building connection and improving relationships.
Internal growth and genuine care for others should be the motivation for personal change.
Prioritizing relationships by making intentional time for loved ones leads to positive change and growth.
Being a good parent and partner increases desirability and satisfaction in relationships.
Creating a container of fun and maintaining a strong connection keeps the spark alive.
Deep dives
The Shift in Focus: Becoming Present
Keith realizes that in order to improve his relationship with Jesse, he needs to shift his focus and become more present. He starts by actively engaging with his daughter and making her a priority. He also adopts a mantra of never saying that he's tired and committing to be fully present in his interactions. Keith recognizes that being all in and giving his best self to his family is the key to improving the relationship.
Small Steps Towards Change
Keith takes small steps towards positive change. He starts by cooking for his daughter and spending quality time with her, being present and engaged. He also makes an effort to think about Jesse's needs and desires, such as flying Jovi and her mom for visitations. Keith learns the importance of being radically present, even in the simplest actions, and realizes that these small micro wins can make a significant difference in building connection and improving relationships.
The Motivation to Change Internally
Keith's motivation to change shifts from external validation to internal growth and genuine care for others. He stops seeking validation and approval from Jesse and focuses on becoming the best version of himself. Keith embraces the mindset of wanting to serve and be present for others because it aligns with his values, not to get something in return. He understands that true growth comes from being fully engaged and showing up with authenticity.
The Importance of Prioritizing Relationships
Keith recognizes the importance of prioritizing relationships by making intentional time for his wife and daughter. He sets aside Mondays for self-care, allowing him to show up fully for his family on the weekends. Keith involves his daughter in planning activities and demonstrates genuine enthusiasm and presence. He realizes that true connection comes from being fully engaged, and that investing in his relationships is the foundation for positive change and growth.
Dial 1: Being a Good Parent
Being a good parent is crucial as it is one of the main factors that women judge men on. It involves being attentive to the needs of your children, actively participating in their lives, and setting a high standard for parenting. By being a responsible and involved father, women are more likely to view you as a desirable partner.
Dial 2: Being a Good Partner
Being a good partner means being supportive, engaged, and connected in the relationship. It involves actively investing time and effort into the relationship, being playful, and maintaining open and effective communication. By being a good partner, you demonstrate to your wife that you value and prioritize the relationship, leading to increased attraction and satisfaction.
Dial 3: Being a Good Producer
Being a good producer refers to your ability to provide and contribute to the family's financial well-being. It involves being responsible, ambitious, and successful in your career or business endeavors. By having financial stability and success, you demonstrate reliability and security, which can be highly attractive to your wife.
Dial 4: Being a Good Player
Being a good player means being playful, fun-loving, and light-hearted in the relationship. It involves creating a joyful and enjoyable atmosphere, engaging in shared activities and hobbies, and nurturing a sense of adventure and spontaneity. By being a good player, you bring excitement and positive energy into the relationship, enhancing the overall connection and attraction.
The Power of Fun and Connection in a Relationship
The podcast episode emphasizes the importance of having fun and maintaining a strong connection in a relationship. The speaker highlights the need to prioritize fun and create a container of fun in the relationship, even if one is not naturally funny. They emphasize that every great memory is associated with fun and that fun is the key to keeping the spark alive. It is suggested that couples should go on regular fun dates and engage in activities that bring back the excitement and joy of dating. It is also highlighted that personal growth and self-improvement should be pursued for oneself, without seeking validation from one's partner. The speaker advises men to be in their power and to avoid seeking validation or approval from their partners, but rather to be confident in themselves and invite their partners into their world. The importance of maintaining a balance between personal development, career growth, and fun in order to keep the relationship exciting and fulfilling is also stressed.
The Player Dial: Bringing Fun and Playfulness into the Relationship
The podcast discusses the concept of the 'Player Dial' in a relationship, which refers to the importance of fun, playfulness, and creating a container of fun in the relationship. It is emphasized that being fun and playful does not require being a comedian or constantly making jokes, but rather creating an atmosphere of fun and enjoyment in the relationship. The speaker suggests that couples should prioritize fun and engage in activities that they both enjoy. It is mentioned that going on dates and doing things together that bring back the excitement and joy of the early dating phase can help reignite the spark in the relationship. The importance of being fully present and invested in the experience, rather than seeking validation or approval, is highlighted.
The Power Dial: Being in Your Power in the Relationship
The podcast highlights the significance of being in one's power in a relationship. Being in one's power means doing personal development for oneself and not seeking validation from one's partner. It involves having confidence, being authentic, and not editing or auditing one's true self to please others. The speaker suggests that a man in his power should be confident, trustworthy, and reliable. It is emphasized that power is not about dominating or controlling the relationship, but rather about being self-assured and inviting the partner into one's world. The importance of communicating one's beliefs and standing firm in them, even if they differ from the partner's, is discussed.
The Importance of Trust and Testing in the Relationship
The podcast episode explores the importance of trust and testing in a relationship. It is explained that trust can be built when a person consistently does what they say they will do without fault. The speaker discusses the notion of people testing what they want to trust, highlighting that women often test men to assess their trustworthiness. It is suggested that men who remain steadfast and true to their word, even in the face of rejection or adversity, are more likely to inspire trust in their partner. The speaker advises men to confidently assert their beliefs and not shy away from standing up for themselves, even if it may upset their partner. The importance of being in one's power and not seeking validation or approval is emphasized in building trust and creating a fulfilling relationship.
Keith Yackey is the Founder and CEO of The Married Game and The Ascend Brotherhood, known for his innovative approaches to enhancing marital relationships and personal growth. His work emphasizes the importance of attraction and connection in marriage, drawing from his diverse experiences and insights.
He candidly shares his journey from being on the brink of his second divorce to becoming what he calls a "provocateur" – a man who provokes admiration, desire, and commitment from his partner.
Keith and Larry begin by acknowledging their own past mistakes, demonstrating a commitment to self-improvement. They focus on authentic solutions for personal growth, emphasizing the importance of responsibility in one's actions.
Keith then highlights the significance of authenticity in relationships. He describes his relationship with his spouse as "flirty" and "fun," underscoring the value of a genuine connection. He also emphasizes the role of supporting one's partner and nurturing their dreams, illustrating the importance of mutual support and serving as a leader who uplifts others.
