The Stepmom Diaries Podcast

32. Talking All Things Stepmom With Dr. Patricia Papernow

13 snips
Sep 19, 2021
Dr. Patricia Papernow, a leading expert on blended families and author of acclaimed books on stepfamily dynamics, shares her wealth of knowledge. She discusses how stepfamilies differ from traditional families and outlines five core challenges they face. Patricia dives into children's unique experiences, emphasizing the emotional impacts of loyalty binds and grief. She advocates for building connections through one-on-one time and outlines practical strategies for stepmoms to foster relationships and navigate family dynamics effectively.
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INSIGHT

Stepfamily Structure Is Fundamentally Different

  • Stepfamilies are fundamentally different from first-time families because stepparents enter as outsiders without shared history.
  • That outsider-insider structure creates chronic feelings of rejection for stepparents and torn loyalty for parents.
ADVICE

Prioritize One-On-One Time

  • Carve out lots of one-on-one time for couple and parent-child connections rather than only family activities.
  • Stepparents should pick off stepkids individually for fun low-stakes activities to build trust.
ADVICE

Choose Connection Over Correction

  • Practice connection, not correction: focus on warm, firm requests instead of authoritarian commands.
  • Use gentle phrasing like "I'd love it if..." rather than "You will... or else."
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