The Mental Workload of Family Life | Allison Daminger (Mom of 1, Author & Sociologist)

Allison Daminger is an Assistant Professor of Sociology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, where she specializes in gender, family dynamics, and social inequality. She’s also the author of What’s on Her Mind: The Mental Workload of Family Life, which explores the often invisible cognitive labor that drives the daily operations of households.

In this episode, we talk about the concept of cognitive labor, how it’s defined, why it’s disproportionately placed on women in heterosexual partnerships, and the emotional and mental toll it takes. Allison shares insights from her years of research, including interviews with over 170 individuals in diverse family structures, shedding light on how cognitive labor impacts both professional and personal lives. We discussed:

• What is Mental Load and Cognitive Labor: Defining and explaining these concepts and her research.
• Understanding cognitive labor: How the mental work of anticipating needs, making decisions, and following through often falls disproportionately on women.
• Real-world examples: The everyday household tasks where cognitive labor shows up and how couples can divide this invisible work more equally.
• The Superhuman and The Bumbler: How gendered expectations shape household dynamics, with women often taking on the “Superhuman” role and men the “Bumbler” role.
• Breaking the mental load myth: Why cognitive labor isn’t about personality traits but about societal pressures and norms that influence how responsibilities are shared at home.
• Strategies for rebalancing: Practical ways couples can collaborate on household responsibilities, including setting up routines, improving communication, and managing expectations.

Where to find Allison Daminger

• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/allisondaminger/ 
• Website: https://www.allisondaminger.com/
• Substack: https://allisondaminger.substack.com/
  
  

Where to find Adam Fishman

• FishmanAF Newsletter: www.FishmanAFNewsletter.com 
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/adamjfishman/ 
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/startupdadpod/ 

In this episode, we cover:

(00:00) Introducing Allison Daminger, assistant professor of sociology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison

(02:44) Defining cognitive labor in the home and workplace
(04:27) Real-life examples of cognitive labor
(07:56) The invisible mental load: What it means for parents
(13:42) Research on cognitive labor and family dynamics
(19:53) Household dynamics and gender roles in domestic labor
(26:01) Rationalizing the imbalance in cognitive labor at home
(46:56) Exploring gender roles in household leadership
(48:11) Motherhood and cognitive labor: The unseen work
(48:43) Ideologies vs realities of balanced households
(49:15) Career dynamics and household roles: The juggling act
(49:54) Challenges in achieving cognitive labor equality
(55:04) Balanced households: Structures for satisfaction
(01:15:36) Personal insights and reflections on cognitive labor

(01:27:47) Lightning Round: Final Thoughts and Quick Tips

Resources From This Episode:

What's On Her Mind (Book by Allison Daminger): https://www.amazon.com/Whats-Her-Mind-Mental-Workload/dp/069124538X 

The Daminger Dispatch (Newsletter): https://allisondaminger.substack.com/
The Second Shift (Book by Arlie Hochschild): https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/51848.The_Second_Shift
Fair Play (Book by Eve Rodsky): https://www.amazon.com/Fair-Play-Game-Changing-Solution-When/dp/0525541942 

Love To Dream Swaddle: https://lovetodream.com/ 

The Little Mermaid: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097757/ 

University of Wisconsin, Madison: https://www.wisc.edu/

NYT Wirecutter: https://www.nytimes.com/wirecutter/gifts/

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