164. Courageously Confronting Autogynephilic Compulsions, with Steve Palmer

In this profound episode, I sit down with Steve Palmer to explore an experience few dare to discuss openly: the struggle to conquer ego-dystonic autogynephilia. Steve experiences his compulsions to cross-dress and engage in paraphilic behavior as contradictory to his sense of self and the moral values by which he chooses to live.

Steve's story is one of remarkable resilience, tracing a journey from adolescent confusion through drug-induced psychosis to a hard-won spiritual transformation. A heterosexual man with a strong masculine core, he shares candidly about how early sexual imprinting and personal challenges created a complex internal landscape. Despite bullying, intrusive thoughts, and deep internal conflict, he chose a path of radical honesty and personal accountability.

Through faith, discipline, and commitment to his marriage and family, Steve has found a way to manage these impulses without letting them define him. His journey challenges simplistic narratives about gender and sexuality, offering a nuanced perspective on overcoming deeply ingrained psychological patterns. He speaks openly about the role of spirituality in healing, the importance of gratitude, and the ongoing work of maintaining his sense of self.

For men struggling with similar experiences, Steve offers a message of hope and resilience. His story demonstrates that recovery is possible – not through suppression, but through honest confrontation, spiritual guidance, and personal growth. While compulsions may persist, they need not control one's life or identity.

This episode provides a profound exploration of masculinity, sexual identity, and human transformation. Steve's candid discussion offers compassion and understanding for those wrestling with similar struggles, showing how one can navigate complex internal experiences with integrity and purpose.

Steve Palmer knows something of the pain and affliction common to men that struggle with autogynephilia. He has experienced near unrelenting inner conflict and pressure to conform to daily AGP desires since age 12. Years of inner struggle slowly led him to consider that embracing these desires fulltime was the only way to silence the storm within.  Steve pursued answers through psychedelic experimentation and Buddhist practice in his early twenties. Drug induced and recurrent psychotic episodes followed. In his darkest hours he was willing to consider that maybe he was wrong about God. For the last 18 years he has trusted Jesus to show him how to live anew. Steve offers from experience how men struggling with AGP need not allow it to destroy their masculinity, their marriages, or their lives.

Steve's Youtube Channel, Grace By Which I Stand

[00:01:48] Hope and healing in struggles.

[00:05:00] Hormone use and identity clash.

[00:08:58] Internal struggles and self-identity.

[00:12:09] Sexual addiction and recovery.

[00:13:04] Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and conscientiousness.

[00:17:36] Experiencing Buddhism through meditation.

[00:20:55] Drug-induced psychosis recovery.

[00:24:00] Truth vs. personal desire.

[00:25:57] Spiritual vs. biological components of schizophrenia.

[00:30:31] Spiritual agreements and deliverance.

[00:32:10] Spiritual realm experiences and authority.

[00:39:12] Nature of evil in ideology.

[00:40:06] Grace requires honesty.

[00:42:40] Gender identity and personal testimony.

[00:46:35] Repression and identity struggle.

[00:51:47] Erotic target location error.

[00:56:55] Parallel play in relationships.

[00:58:33] Overcoming personal struggles and growth.

[01:01:25] Marriage as a gift from God.

[01:06:40] Ego-dystonic vs. ego-syntonic.

[01:09:40] Learning from transition experiences.

[01:12:24] Support for men seeking honesty.

[01:15:20] Forgiveness and personal growth.

[01:19:12] Relationship transparency and struggles.

[01:22:36] Masculine drive and self-soothing.

[01:26:50] Overcoming personal challenges.

[01:29:11] Consequences of personal choices.

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SHOW NOTES & transcript with help from SwellAI.

MUSIC: Thanks to Joey Pecoraro for our song, “Half Awake,” used with gratitude & permission.

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Show notes & transcript provided with the help of SwellAI.

Special thanks to Joey Pecoraro for our theme song, “Half Awake,” used with gratitude and permission.

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