### Summary
#### Introduction
- Presenter: Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes
- Topic: Toxic guilt and shame - signs, causes, and solutions
- Goals: Understanding guilt and shame, their causes, effects, and ways to overcome them
#### Definitions and Differences
- **Guilt**: Anger at oneself for a behavior; feeling you did something wrong.
- **Shame**: Feeling that you are inherently bad; about the person, not just behavior.
- Importance of separating behavior from self-worth.
#### Healthy vs. Toxic Guilt
- **Healthy Guilt**:
- Motivates positive change and learning.
- Anger at oneself for a behavior or omission.
- Helps align actions with values.
- **Toxic Guilt**:
- Drains energy and erodes self-esteem.
- Leads to ongoing self-anger without productive action.
- Often paired with shame.
#### Effects of Toxic Guilt
- Continuous stress response activation.
- Desperate attempts to prove worth.
- Leads to behaviors like fawning or overcompensating.
#### Causes of Toxic Guilt
- Holding onto “shoulds” imposed by others or oneself.
- Feeling responsible for things outside one’s control.
- Survivor’s guilt and guilt over others' feelings.
- Guilt for not being perfect or successful.
- Societal and familial messages about worth and success.
#### Solutions and Strategies
1. **Identify the Source**:
- Determine if the guilt stems from internal values or external pressures.
- Evaluate the “shoulds” and decide if they align with personal values.
2. **Healthy Boundaries**:
- Recognize and assert personal beliefs and values.
- Don’t let others dictate what should make you feel guilty.
3. **Cognitive Restructuring**:
- Write down situations causing guilt.
- Distinguish between controllable and uncontrollable aspects.
- Use energy positively to address controllable factors.
4. **Acceptance and Letting Go**:
- Accept that some things are beyond control.
- Reflect on personal growth and changes over time.
- Practice self-compassion for past mistakes.
5. **Self-Care**:
- Prioritize personal well-being to prevent burnout.
- View self-care as a model for others.
6. **Assertiveness**:
- Stand firm in personal beliefs even when others disagree.
- Practice expressing your values respectfully.
#### Practical Steps
- Write down situations causing guilt.
- Identify controllable and uncontrollable aspects.
- Take action on what you can control.
- Reflect on whether you’ve done all you can.
- Accept powerlessness over some outcomes.
- Practice forgiveness and self-compassion.
- Set and maintain healthy boundaries.
- Model self-care and healthy boundaries for others.
### Time Codes for Major Points
00:00 Introduction and overview of toxic guilt and shame
02:15 Differences between guilt and shame
05:00 Healthy guilt vs. toxic guilt
08:45 Effects of toxic guilt on stress and behavior
12:30 Causes of toxic guilt
18:00 Solutions and strategies for overcoming toxic guilt
25:45 Importance of healthy boundaries
30:00 Cognitive restructuring and acceptance
35:00 Practical steps to manage guilt and promote self-care
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Counselor Toolbox Podcast with DocSnipes