Have you ever found yourself butting heads with a peer at work, knowing you need to escalate the disagreement up the ladder, but unsure how to do it without leaving a trail of drama or broken trust? This week, I’m joined again by my close friend and leadership expert Helen Appleby for a candid conversation on “clean” and “dirty” escalations. We unpack what it means to disagree well, the cost of toxic escalation, and how true leaders keep the organization’s health front and center, no matter how high the stakes.
Helen Appleby is an executive coach with over a decade of experience helping leaders and teams thrive. Formerly a global VP, she is the author of the widely acclaimed book The Unwritten Rules of Women’s Leadership and is currently working on her next book, Leaders Health Check: How to Build Healthy High-Performing Teams. Her approach blends clarity, candor, and real-world practicality, making her a go-to guide for building trust and navigating workplace conflict.
“Disagreements are normal, they’re natural. The trick is to disagree without breaking rapport.”
~ Helen Appleby
Today on The Rising Leader:
· Clean escalation is about jointly deciding to raise an issue after real listening and honest curiosity about each other’s perspectives.
· Dirty escalation—going behind someone’s back to complain to a boss or board—erodes trust, fuels toxicity, and wastes organizational energy.
· Taking a step back and asking, “Whose team am I on?” reminds leaders to prioritize the success of the whole organization, not just their function.
· Great leaders avoid triangulation and refuse to play parent when their direct reports run to them with complaints about each other.
· Establishing shared language around trust, feedback, and conflict (like “grit in the pipes”) is critical to building psychological safety and team health.
· Disagreement is inevitable, but learning to handle it maturely, without breaking relationships, sets high-performing teams apart.
· Leaders must explicitly teach and model the expectation of clean escalation and collective accountability.
· Self-awareness and feedback—for individuals and the whole team—are central to ongoing leadership and team development.
Guest Contact Information:
Connect with Helen Appleby on LinkedIn or visit HelenApplebyCoaching.com.
Resources Mentioned:
· Book: The Unwritten Rules of Women’s Leadership by Helen Appleby
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