Death by 1,000 Cuts: Still Standing After All 9 Lives (and Then Some)

How many times have you been told you were too sensitive? Or accused of overreacting? Maybe you’ve heard things like, “It’s not a big deal,” “You need to calm down,” or “It was just a joke—why are you making this such a thing?” And each time, you questioned yourself. Was it really that bad? Were you imagining things? Because on their own, the comments, the criticisms, the passive-aggressive digs might seem small—hardly worth mentioning. But they kept happening. Over and over. Until you stopped trusting your own perception. That’s the nature of death by 1,000 cuts. It’s not the severity of one moment—it’s the slow, relentless erosion of your sense of self, done quietly enough that you begin to doubt whether you’re even bleeding at all.

In this ninth edition of the Death by 1,000 Cuts series, Tony Overbay, LMFT, dives even deeper into the subtle ways being in a relationship with the narcissist, or emotionally immature, erodes your sense of self, one dismissive comment, one double standard, one guilt trip at a time. Tony explains how this isn’t just about pain. It’s about power.

You’ll hear real stories from real people who’ve endured the emotional whiplash, the rewritten history, and the gaslighting—and who are waking up to their self-worth. He explores what happens when those who were meant to love us chip away at our confidence, and what it means to finally stop apologizing for noticing.

And Tony shares how to recognize eventually, and then celebrate the resilience of those who are still standing, not just after 1,000 cuts, but after every life they had to rebuild.

If you’ve ever felt like you were the only one keeping score of the damage—or the only one still fighting to heal—this episode is for you.

00:00 A True Story Begins

00:20 The Number Nine Debate

01:28 Mark's Research and Sarah's Reaction

03:17 The Argument Escalates

05:24 Mark's Apology and Internal Struggle

06:11 Mark's Conversation with Jim

07:05 Introduction to Death by a Thousand Cuts

08:58 Understanding Emotional Abuse

11:08 Listener's Email on Validation

14:45 Financial Control in Divorce

19:21 Emotional Betrayal in Vulnerability

22:44 The Car Disagreement

32:17 Emotional Immaturity and Self-Sufficiency

34:00 The Weaponization of Humor

37:27 The Impact of Passive-Aggressive Comments

47:38 Control and Manipulation in Relationships

50:31 Emotional Triangulation and Rewriting Narratives

54:57 Healing and Moving Forward

57:59 Mindfulness Prompt: The Cut and the Healing