LessWrong (30+ Karma) “The Weirdness of Dating/Mating: Deep Nonconsent Preference” by johnswentworth
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Jan 2, 2026 Delve into the intriguing world of nonconsent fantasies with surprising statistics revealing a significant number of individuals harboring such thoughts. Explore how these preferences often transcend mere fantasies and shape broader dating behaviors. The discussion uncovers the paradox of consent—often perceived as a turn-off—in romantic pursuits. Discover how subtle courtship dynamics and indirect signaling play a role in the dating landscape. Ultimately, the conversation ties these elements together, shedding light on the peculiarities of modern mating practices.
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Non-Consent Preference Is Widespread
- John S. Wentworth observes non-consent appeal is common, especially among women, beyond mere kink fantasies.
- He argues this preference often manifests outside explicit sexual contexts, shaping mating behavior.
One Compact Explanation For Many Behaviors
- Wentworth proposes being asked for consent or having to initiate turns many women off, beyond sexual fantasies.
- He suggests a deep non-consent preference better compresses multiple dating phenomena than separate explanations.
Hot-Tub Misread Signals
- John recounts a hot-tub interaction where a woman intended to signal interest but used denials and passive body language.
- He notes she later reported trying to communicate yes yet failed to send clear early signals.