Licensed Professional Counselor and former supervisor, Heidi Smith, joins the host to discuss disingenuous communication, manipulation, and boundaries. They explore attention-seeking behavior, the trump card phenomenon, using trauma as an excuse, and the importance of being well in relationships. The podcast also delves into the dynamics of 'trump cards' in communication and the challenges faced by individuals with deep trauma.
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insights INSIGHT
Rethinking Manipulation Labels
Calling disruptive communication "manipulation" is too villainizing and often unhelpful.
People often communicate disingenuously without evil intent, reflecting patterns they know.
insights INSIGHT
Reframing Attention Seeking
Attention-seeking behavior is better understood as connection-seeking behavior.
Reframing helps respond with empathy rather than criticism.
question_answer ANECDOTE
ADHD and Communication Patterns
Casey shares how ADHD made her interrupt often to hold on to fleeting thoughts.
She was misunderstood until she learned her brain's communication needs are different.
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Games people play: we’ve all been guilty at one time or another, whether intentionally or not. I’m referring to the disingenuous forms of communication we use in daily life. There are various reasons why we alter our communication in certain situations, and it’s usually because we want something from another person. I’m joined by Heidi Smith, LPC, and one of my best friends, who just happens to be my former supervisor when I was learning to be a therapist. Let’s dive deep into games, manipulation, boundaries, and relationships. Join us for the conversation around this fascinating topic!
Show Highlights:
Is it disingenuous communication, manipulation, or something in-between?
Why attention-seeking behavior might really be connection-seeking behavior
The “games” people play: The trump card, (the “Ace of Spades”), is the issue, trauma, circumstance, or affliction that someone believes gives them carte blanche to never have to change and to always be accommodated by others.
Examples: ADHD, PTSD, a serious illness
Some people learn the script to say that excuses them from accountability, like “I’m working on it.”
Even with their objectionable behaviors, people deserve and want to be loved and accepted.
Why, in our relationships, we have to be well and not allow others’ behaviors that damage us
How different people have different tolerance levels for discomfort in relationships
The most powerful, insidious trump card: “If you do/don’t do _______, I will kill myself.”
Struggle Care