Games We Play, Part 3: The Comparison Game // Samer Massad
Jul 21, 2024
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Samer Massad, a guest speaker and expert on personal growth, discusses the pervasive issues of comparison and envy. He highlights how these feelings can undermine relationships and self-worth from childhood to adulthood. Samer emphasizes the importance of cultivating gratitude and finding joy in what we have, rather than chasing an endless comparison game. Through personal stories, he illustrates how overcoming envy can mend friendships and foster deeper connections. Listeners are encouraged to adopt a 'one handful mentality' to embrace contentment.
Engaging in the comparison game breeds envy and inadequacy, ultimately harming relationships as individuals prioritize winning over connection.
Fostering personal growth and gratitude is essential to counteract the toxic effects of comparison, promoting healthier relationships and greater contentment.
Deep dives
The Nature of Competition in Games
Games are often played with the primary objective of winning, which can lead to an overly competitive mindset. The speaker shares a personal experience of trying to mislead an intern during a team game, emphasizing that winning took precedence over healthy interaction. This highlights a broader theme of competition and the games people play in life, particularly in relationships, where the implications of winning and losing can be significant. In relationships, if one person wins, it often comes at the expense of the relationship itself, leading to regrets and the need for damage control.
Consequences of Playing Games in Relationships
Engaging in competitive games within relationships introduces a detrimental dynamic where someone must lose, ultimately harming everyone involved. The speaker notes that arguments, even when won, can leave lasting emotional scars on relationships, revealing the futility of such a game mindset. Ending relationships sometimes stems from the refusal to engage in this kind of game playing, demonstrating an important awareness of its negative effects. Healthy relationships cannot thrive when individuals prioritize victory over connection and understanding.
The Toxicity of the Comparison Game
The comparison game is identified as a prevalent and toxic behavior that starts at a young age and intensifies throughout adulthood. It involves constantly measuring oneself against others, often influenced by societal standards or appearances, and can lead to feelings of inadequacy and envy. With the rise of social media, the stakes of this game have escalated, making comparison an almost instinctive behavior. Engaging in both upward and downward comparisons ultimately results in unhealthy outcomes, such as superiority complexes or crippling envy.
Moving Beyond the Comparison Game
To counteract the negative impacts of the comparison game, the speaker emphasizes the importance of focusing on personal growth and gratitude. Strategies like running one's race, fixing focus on Jesus, and actively practicing gratitude can help individuals appreciate their unique journey and reduce toxic feelings of envy. Acknowledging the pitfalls of chasing after a 'second handful'—an unattainable ideal motivated by comparison—can lead to healthier relationships and greater contentment. Ultimately, the aim is to cultivate an approach that values personal and relational health over competitive success.
A game that requires a loser is a game nobody wins. When we play the comparison game and allow envy to motivate our actions, it can cost us more than we expect.