Alvaro de Vicente on Parental Expectations: Being Both Perfect and Anxious for Nothing

"Be perfect" (Matt. 5:48) and "anxious for nothing" (Phil 4:6).

This tall order from the New Testament may put modern parents into a cold sweat. Parental perfectionism and anxiety are surely on the rise, but in his annual Headmaster's Lecture at The Heights School, Alvaro de Vicente talks us down. He shows us the compatibility and wisdom of these two Biblical encouragements by refocusing on the process of growth—moral, academic, athletic, and spiritual—over simply the apparent results.

Chapters:

2:41 Introduction: being "good enough"

8:15 A new way to see perfection

10:07 Context changes our expectations

17:34 Setting reasonable expectations

24:46 Acknowledging our son's freedom

29:28 Parental anxiety: danger ÷ opportunity

36:54 Surrounded by goodness, a twitch upon the thread

40:53 Perseverance through hard times

47:42 Addressing real problems

53:15 Ultimately, in God's hands

Links:

Men in the Making, Alvaro de Vicente's Substack

Loss of the Creature by Walker Percy

Gilead by Marilynne Robinson

Minority Report (2002)

The Innocence of Father Brown by G. K. Chesterton

Peace Like a River by Leif Enger

Also on the Forum:

Failure Is a Great Tutor—Don't Fire Him by Alvaro de Vicente

Having Better Mentoring Conversations by Alvaro de Vicente

Featured Opportunities:

Fall Open House at The Heights School (October 18, 2025)

Fathers' Conference at The Heights School (November 1, 2025)

Convivium for Teaching Men at The Heights School (November 13-15, 2025)