#358 – Aella: Sex Work, OnlyFans, Porn, Escorting, Dating, and Human Sexuality
Feb 10, 2023
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Dive into a candid exploration of sex work and human sexuality with Aella, a sex researcher and writer. Discover the dynamics of modern dating, including the nuances between casual and serious relationships. Hear about the transition from camming to OnlyFans, showcasing the creative expressions in sex work. Engage in discussions of autonomy, intimacy, and the emotional complexities of client interactions. The conversation takes a deeper look at the impact of childhood experiences on adult relationships, revealing how personal history shapes perceptions and preferences in love and sex.
The speaker shares their journey of breaking free from a conservative and controlling upbringing.
The importance of thinking independently and engaging in conversations with those who hold different opinions.
The speaker's experiences of leaving home early and exploring sex work and factory employment.
The speaker's path into escorting and the importance of marketing oneself effectively.
The correlation between the level of taboo and the popularity of certain fetishes.
Exploring non-monogamy, open communication, and addressing difficult emotions in relationships.
Deep dives
Upbringing and Escape
The speaker discusses their conservative and controlling upbringing, including homeschooling and strict religious beliefs. They describe the difficulties and trauma they experienced during their childhood, as well as their journey of breaking free from those constraints.
Exploring Identity and Independent Thinking
The speaker reflects on the importance of thinking independently and questioning beliefs. They discuss the challenges of deviating from peer group beliefs and the value of engaging in conversations with those who hold different opinions.
Transition to Sex Work and Factory Employment
The speaker shares their experiences of leaving home early and going through a period of exploration. They briefly touch on their involvement in sex work and factory employment as they navigated their path forward.
Getting into Escorting
The summary provides insights into how the speaker got into escorting by seeking advice from a friend and putting up ads after experiencing burnout from camming.
Marketing and Creativity in Escorting
The summary highlights how escorting involves marketing oneself through creative means, similar to camming, but with less competition. The speaker emphasizes the importance of having attractive photos and utilizing effective marketing strategies.
Client Selection and Pricing
The summary discusses the speaker's experience with finding the right clients by raising prices, as this tends to attract individuals who are less likely to be abusive or disrespectful. The speaker acknowledges the controversy surrounding this view, but emphasizes the importance of finding safer and more respectful clients.
The research explores the taboos and popularity of various fetishes
The podcast episode delves into a research study that investigates the taboos and popularity of different fetishes. The study includes data on the perceived societal taboo and the level of interest in certain fetishes. The results indicate that there is a correlation between the level of taboo and the popularity of certain fetishes, with fetishes that are less taboo being more popular. The study further explores the various manifestations of fetishes and how they can differ from person to person.
Polyamory and the importance of open communication
The podcast also discusses the concept of polyamory and explores the need for open and honest communication in non-monogamous relationships. The speaker highlights the importance of transparency and expressing one's feelings, including jealousy, in a polyamorous relationship. They emphasize the importance of being able to handle and address negative emotions without suppressing or controlling them. The speaker also discusses the dynamics of power and influence in relationships and the importance of finding a partner who can handle and communicate through difficult emotions.
The complexity of love and human connection
The podcast delves into the complexities of love and human connections, challenging conventional notions of love and monogamy. The speaker explores different interpretations of love and discusses the importance of curiosity in relationships. They share personal experiences of vulnerability, intimacy, and the exploration of deep connections within non-traditional relationship structures. The speaker also acknowledges the presence of fear, insecurities, and societal expectations in romantic relationships, highlighting the importance of open-mindedness and honest self-reflection in navigating these complexities.
Understanding Taboo Interests and Kinky Characters
The podcast episode explores the process of creating a comprehensive survey to understand taboo or fetishistic interests. The speaker explains how they designed questions to measure the level of taboo and used that data to provide a comprehensive survey experience. Participants received a score that indicated how taboo their interests were and were matched with fictional or historical characters to add an element of fun. The speaker also mentions how the sample size increased significantly, providing insights into the demographic of participants who took the survey.
Exploring the Rape Spectrum and Frame Control
In this podcast episode, the speaker discusses a survey they conducted on the different perceptions of rape scenarios. They explain the concept of the rape spectrum, where scenarios are ranked based on how rapey they are perceived to be. The results showed varying degrees of perception among different scenarios. The speaker also delves into the concept of frame control, describing how it is used to manipulate others subtly. They share personal experiences and the role of LSD in helping them overcome the frame constructed by their traumatic childhood.
The importance of past in a relationship
The conversation explores the idea that having imperfections and conflicts in a relationship is important, as it adds depth and challenges that can lead to growth and understanding.
Rationalist culture and discourse
The podcast episode touches on the rationalist community and their approach to discourse, which values clear communication, logical reasoning, and distinguishing between observations and inferences. They emphasize the importance of maintaining a respectful and understanding attitude even when discussing opposing views.
OUTLINE:
Here’s the timestamps for the episode. On some podcast players you should be able to click the timestamp to jump to that time.
(00:00) – Introduction
(06:14) – Uncertainty
(13:51) – Sex, power, and death
(26:21) – Free will
(27:46) – Consciousness
(37:41) – Childhood
(50:39) – Dancing
(1:03:56) – Casual sex
(1:06:10) – Camming
(1:21:05) – OnlyFans
(1:31:19) – Dating
(1:47:11) – Escorting
(2:05:12) – Emotion vs reason
(2:13:17) – Love
(2:20:50) – Polyamory
(2:29:44) – Monogamy
(2:36:14) – Sex fetishes
(2:53:42) – Dominance and submissiveness
(3:03:23) – Psychedelics
(3:22:35) – Romance
(3:30:05) – Body count
(3:39:51) – Porn
(3:43:10) – Mortality
(3:45:46) – AI
(3:56:26) – Rationalist discourse
(4:00:18) – Meaning of life
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