In the spring of 2011, I was cleaning a stove and quite suddenly the knob I was holding became the rag became my hand became the space became the stove as all lines between things between moments and between myself and the world dissolved. It was like the scales had fallen off my eyes! I had heard of no self but had never heard there were no things!
There was an intense psychological and physical relaxation, and I was amazed that my body didn't crumble to the floor! It was obvious that there was no one doing life, and that life wasn't happening to a me. It was the end of a lifetime propelled by hope and fear and need of a never arising next. It was as if time died. It was as if I had died, yet it was obvious that I had never existed, yet here I was!
This knowing feeling of seamlessness has not left for almost eight years. It is always obvious... it kisses me awake in the morning and holds me as I drift off to sleep.... life is overwhelmingly beautiful and wondrous always, like edgeless liquid love.... no matter what it looks or feels like.
The longing to sing of this, knowing that it cannot be kissed with words paints my reflection with sky in sky.... I am not a teacher or guru, simply a lover of love.
Nancy's posts and poems (blog)
YouTube Channel
Books:
To Kiss What Cannot Be Kissed...: Love songs from the canyon
Liquid Eyes
This Is It, Coyote
Your Infinite Intimate Embrace: you have never left
Discussion of this interview in the BatGap Community Facebook Group.
Summary and transcript of this interview
Interview recorded April 13, 2019.
YouTube Video Chapters:
00:00:00 - Introduction to Buddha at the Gas Pump
00:05:06 - A Journey of Seeking and Glimpses
00:10:01 - The Search for the Elusive Goal
00:14:32 - The Terrifying Experience of Losing Beliefs
00:18:56 - The Burning of Personal Armageddon
00:23:35 - The Nature of Belief and Unknowing
00:28:42 - The Astonishing Nature of the Known World
00:33:30 - The Shift in Perception
00:38:00 - The Illusion of Separation and Thingness
00:42:20 - The Dream of Separation
00:46:47 - The Illusion of Separation in the Physical World
00:51:43 - The Unity of the House
00:57:01 - Life Doing Itself
01:00:45 - The Wholeness of the Universe
01:03:12 - The Shared Dream of Separation
01:06:19 - The Sword of Ignorance
01:09:41 - The Illusion of Self
01:13:24 - The Fear of False Evidence Appearing Real
01:18:10 - The Perception of an Actor
01:20:54 - Starting a Podcast & Creating a Website
01:24:13 - Awareness without perception
01:28:26 - Awareness in Deep Sleep
01:33:15 - Discussion on Paintings and Posters
01:36:23 - The Frustration of Seeking and Inner Transformation
01:40:29 - The Role of Spiritual Practices
01:44:55 - The Intensity of Desire and Love in Spiritual Practice
01:49:29 - The Co-dependency of the Seeker and the Teacher
01:53:23 - Embracing our Humanness
01:56:29 - Embracing the Flow of Thought and Emotion
01:59:53 - A Gentle Conversation
02:02:11 - Conclusion and Farewell