How to Deliver Hard-to-Hear Feedback with Heather Younger

Does someone in your workplace, community, or another realm of your life frustrate or disappoint you? Do you want to know how to give them some feedback without damaging the relationship? I recently found myself in a situation like this, and my podcast guest this week, Heather Younger, organizational culture strategist and leading expert on active listening at work, reminded me of exactly what I needed to hear— When we invest attention in showing people we care about them and that we have their backs, they’re far more apt to listen when it comes time for us to tell them something that may otherwise be hard to hear. I put her advice to the text a couple days later, and I was delighted how well my feedback landed. If you want some support in delivering potentially hard-to-hear feedback, I hope you’ll listen to this week’s episode of Conflict Decoded—How to Deliver Hard-to-Hear Feedback. Show Notes How to Deliver Hard-to-Hear Feedback with Heather Younger Is there someone in your workplace, community, or family who’s been frustrating or disappointing you? Do you wish you could let them know their impact without damaging your relationship? I recently found myself in a situation like this, and my podcast guest this week, Heather Younger reminded me of exactly what I needed to hear— When we invest attention in showing people that we care about them, they’re far more apt to listen when it comes time for us to tell them something that may be hard to hear. Our Guest: Heather Younger In this week’s episode of Conflict Decoded—How to Deliver Hard-to-Hear Feedback—I interviewed Heather Younger, founder & CEO of Employee Fanatix, leading employee engagement and consulting firm, highly sought-after keynote speaker, an organizational culture strategist, and expert on active listening at work. Drawing from her personal experiences as the only child of an interfaith and interracial marriage and backed by research relevant to what’s happening now, Heather is committed to inspiring leaders and team members to flex their empathy muscles and master the art of active listening to ensure everyone including prospects, customers, and employees feels valued, heard, and supported. She is a two-time TEDx speaker, bestselling author, podcast host, and a trusted contributor to leading news outlets. To learn more about Heather’s work, visit heatheryounger.com. Katherine’s Key Takeaways: 1.  The Pre-Work Really Matters: When we demonstrate care, respect, and support for someone over time, it becomes far easier to let them know when they’re having a hurtful impact. When they know you care, they’re likely to want to hear what you have to say. Demonstrating this care doesn’t have to take a lot of time. It’s the little things that count: Checking in about their health Thanking them for their positive contribution Making eye contact Saying hello The more we invest in the little moments, the easier the challenging moments become. 2.  The Conversation Deserves Time: Rather than giving feedback in front of other people during a meeting (which can quickly lead to defensiveness!), take the conversation offline. Take time to center yourself and process what you want to say. Then, ask the person for time to talk. Choose a time when you can both give your full attention. Likewise, anticipate that the other person may need time to process your conversation before acting on your feedback. And if someone gives you hard-to-hear feedback, let them know that you need some time to process and plan a time to come back. 2.  The Frame Matters. Before delivering feedback, take time to reflect on what the other person cares about and how they process information. Do your best to frame your feedback in a way that takes this information into account. For example, if they’re a numbers person, see if you can speak in numbers. If they value efficiency, see if you can speak to the energy their actions take. The more we can speak in a way that fits the person’s values and filters, the easier it will be for them to hear us. 4.  There’s Always More to the Picture Than We Know. Too often, people jump to conclusions. They believe they have the complete picture and demonize the other person. But we never have the whole picture. To change someone’s mind, we first need to understand where their mind is at. Rather than going in guns blazing or trying to convince the other person to change, get curious. Ask yourself: Are you willing to be molded, changed, convinced, interested? If not, see how you can get willing. Too often, we get stuck in conflict when we don’t take the time—or gather the courage—to share the things that need saying. Please don’t let yourself stay stuck. If you want some support in delivering potentially hard-to-hear feedback, I hope you’ll listen. Show Links: Heather Younger The Art of Active Listening