Is your partner "the one?" Wrong question | George Blair-West
May 3, 2024
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Psychiatrist George Blair-West discusses the evolution of love in marriages and the importance of asking key questions before tying the knot. He highlights the impact of dating duration on divorce rates, parental divorce on children, and the role of commitment in successful partnerships.
Successful marriages require asking crucial questions before tying the knot, emphasizing compatibility and decision-making.
Longer courtships reduce divorce rates, highlighting the importance of informed decisions over solely romantic feelings.
Deep dives
Reevaluating Romantic Love in Marriages
Psychiatrist George Blair West discusses how romantic love may not be the foundation of successful marriages, as seen in modern, arranged marriages. By analyzing data on legal marriages, he emphasizes the importance of preventing long-term relationship breakdowns instead of solely focusing on curing them. West challenges the conventional notion of 'finding the one' and highlights the significance of evaluating compatibility and making informed decisions for lasting relationships.
Impact of Timing on Relationship Success
West delves into the timing of relationship milestones, revealing that the duration of courtship significantly affects the likelihood of divorce in marriages. Studies show that longer dating periods lead to reduced divorce rates, indicating the importance of allowing time for infatuation to subside before committing. By focusing on informed decision-making rather than solely relying on romantic feelings, individuals can potentially create more resilient and lasting partnerships.
Lessons from Modern Arranged Marriages
West explores the concept of modern arranged marriages, where individuals have some say in partner selection and divorce is more culturally supported. Contrary to common beliefs, research suggests that modern arranged marriages can foster higher levels of love and satisfaction over time compared to love marriages. The emphasis on commitment and mutual growth rather than intense romantic feelings highlights valuable lessons that traditional marriages can offer in building successful long-term relationships.
Marrying for love is a relatively recent phenomenon for humanity, and we still don't fully understand what it means for building successful relationships, says author and psychiatrist George Blair-West. Drawing from his extensive experience working with couples, he shares four questions every couple should ask themselves before tying the knot — and highlights surprising findings on how the way marriage starts impacts if it ends.