Big Think The biggest lies about good sex and how to have it, debunked | Emily Nagoski: Full Interview
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Oct 12, 2025 
Emily Nagoski, an award-winning author and expert in sexual health, challenges common misconceptions about sexuality and desire. She discusses the divide between spontaneous and responsive desire, advocating for a deeper understanding of what truly enhances sexual experiences. Nagoski emphasizes the importance of pleasure and self-acceptance, revealing how outdated teachings can hinder intimacy and self-worth. Her insights aim to redefine sexual wellness, encouraging open communication to foster more fulfilling relationships.
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Unlearn Sex Education Myths
- Emily Nagoski says most early sex education is incorrect and full of shame and stereotypes.
- Unlearning myths lets people accept their sexuality and opens space for others to do the same.
Students Realized They Were Normal
- Emily Nagoski graded finals and read students' answers saying, 'I'm normal' which moved her to tears.
- Their relief inspired her to write Come As You Are to scale that freedom of knowing you're not broken.
Responsive Versus Spontaneous Desire
- Emily Nagoski distinguishes spontaneous desire (lightning-bolt) from responsive desire that grows from contact and pleasure.
- Responsive desire is normal and often explains perceived 'desire problems.'
