Navigating Mismatched Kinks with Partners: Finding Common Playgrounds with Miss Shayla (Interview)
Jul 12, 2023
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How to navigate mismatched kinks with partners? Communicate openly about desires, compromise, and find common ground. Interview with Miss Shayla, a pro Dom and kink educator. Understanding the theory of kink and how it develops. Importance of open communication and collaborative exploration in the bedroom. Tips for supporting the podcast and connecting with the community.
55:51
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Quick takeaways
Open and honest communication is crucial in understanding and navigating mismatched kinks with partners.
Respecting individual comfort levels, understanding the emotions associated with kinks, and exploring alternative approaches can help address resistance and find compromise.
Seeking the help of a professional, such as a sex worker, can provide a consensual space to explore specific desires and fulfill individual needs if a resolution cannot be found within the relationship.
Deep dives
Navigating Mismatched Kinks Within Romantic Relationships
Mismatched kinks and desires are common in relationships. It's important to explore the feelings and motivations behind these kinks. Open and honest communication is crucial to understanding each other's perspectives and finding middle ground. Start by discussing the feelings associated with the desired kinks rather than focusing solely on the specific activities. Consider alternative ways to fulfill these desires, such as role play or exploring similar sensations. It's important to be patient, understanding, and non-judgmental with each other. If a common ground cannot be found, consider seeking the help of a professional or exploring non-monogamous options to meet each person's needs.
Overcoming Resistance and Addressing Shame or Guilt
When one partner resists engaging in a particular kink, it's important to explore the reasons behind the resistance. This may involve addressing any shame, guilt, or negative beliefs associated with the kink. Open and non-coercive communication is crucial in understanding each other's boundaries and respecting individual comfort levels. It can be helpful to identify the core feelings and motivations associated with the kink in order to find alternative activities or approaches that can provide similar experiences. By discussing and understanding these emotions, both partners can work towards a better understanding and compromise.
Considering Professional Help
If a mismatched kink cannot be resolved within the relationship, it may be worth considering the help of a professional, such as a sex worker. Engaging with a professional can provide a safe and consensual space to explore specific desires and fulfill individual needs. This option allows for boundaries to be established and respected, while providing a fulfilling experience for both partners. It's important to approach this option with open communication and a non-judgmental attitude, allowing both partners to feel supported and valued within the relationship.
Avoiding Kink Shaming and Embracing Individuality
It's crucial to avoid kink shaming and to embrace individuality within a relationship. Each person's desires and interests should be respected, even if they don't align with one's own. Creating a safe and non-judgmental space allows for open communication and exploration. Understanding that not all kinks will be mutually enjoyable is key, and finding acceptance and support for each other's desires is important for maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
Seeking Non-Monogamous Options
In cases where a mismatched kink cannot be resolved and monogamy is a non-negotiable aspect of the relationship, exploring non-monogamous options might be a solution. This could involve discussing the possibility of seeing other partners or engaging with professionals to fulfill specific desires. Open and honest communication is crucial in navigating non-monogamy, as it requires trust, boundaries, and ongoing dialogue. This option allows both partners to pursue their individual needs while maintaining the foundation of their relationship.
We are curious: How can we explore mismatched kinks with our partners? How do we find common ground and understand where the resistance is without creating pressure or being coercive? And what can be done if there's no common ground?
In this episode, Effy enlists the expertise of a seasoned pro Dom, kink educator and a longtime foxy friend of the show Miss Shayla. Together, they embark on a candid conversation, delving into the intricacies of navigating mismatched kinks with partners. Effy and Miss Shayla offer valuable insights and strategies for approaching partners about kinky desires with respect, sensitivity, and consent. They unpack the complexities of finding common ground and explore alternatives when a shared playground for partners seems elusive.
To learn more about Miss Shayla Mistress Shayla Lange is an NYC based Pro-Domme, co-creator of the kinky educational series “7Days of Domination”, and owner of New York’s largest female-owned Dungeon
