The Nonlinear Library LW - DM Parenting by Shoshannah Tekofsky
Jul 17, 2024
07:36
Welcome to The Nonlinear Library, where we use Text-to-Speech software to convert the best writing from the Rationalist and EA communities into audio. This is: DM Parenting, published by Shoshannah Tekofsky on July 17, 2024 on LessWrong.
Cause no one will question your ethics if you refer to yourself as a Dungeon Mom.
I snort experimentation to feel alive. It's a certain type of orientation to life, completely at odds with all parenting advice about predictability and routine.
Enter DM parenting. Where you approach every parenting task as a Dungeons and Dragons session where you are shepherding a team of pure outliers on the enthusiasm-skill spectrum through the Sisyphisian ordeal of rolling their toothbrush up hi … no, wait, stop that!
Anyway.
You need them to fight the BBEG cause otherwise you are not having fun, but who says they wouldn't rather murder hobo their way through the local dairy supply chain?As a DM, you have to juggle an objective, your own enjoyment, and the enjoyment of your players.
This is basically parenting.
Of course, as a DM, you generally play with people who have opted in while playing according to a rule set someone lovingly crafted for you.
Luckily kids love to play, and if you pick the right rule set, they will probably be game. Except no one wrote any rule sets on how to DM kids into their pyjamas.
Till now.
My kids are young - 3 and 5. These rules work far better for the older of the two. I assume they will keep working better till they become old enough to build their own rules, but here is where we got in the last 2 weeks or so:
Bedtime Rules
Peekaboo
You close your eyes and keep them closed while your kid still needs to get ready for bed. But of course, you try to check if everything is going ok by blindingly reaching out your hands. I'd recommend exaggerating your ineptitude at determining if the little one has actually put on their pajama. It can also be fun to let them advise you on how to navigate the environment. The perspective taking training on this one seems to lead to additional giggles.
Tickle Station
Every time your kid does a bedtime task, they can dock into the tickle station and get tickled by you! Personally I made a tickle station by just reaching out my arms and pretending I was a booth. Some warning here that some kids do not like to be tickled so explicitly check if they find this fun, and also, crucially, let them come to you to receive tickles. In our case, my kiddos love being tickled.
It has gotten to the point that the tickle station has become a bit of an emotional regulation option with me and the kids now, cause it helps them out of a funk quite easily.
Walk a Mile…
… in momma's (or papa's) shoes. Just let them wear your shoes while going through the entire bedtime routine. This was kind of amusing to watch. Might be important to keep them away from stairwells and the like.
Duel Shots
Grab two clothes pins and an elastic band. Hook the elastic band around the (closed) front of the clothes pin and pull back. You can now shoot rubber bands without them snapping your fingers. For the rule set, you both get one clothes pin. For each step of the bed time routine you shoot your kid with the elastic band and they can shoot you back.
Obviously, this can hurt quite a bit, so as an opt out either of you can shout "mirror" and then the other person will have to shoot the mirror image of you instead.
You may now discover if your child has ever shot an elastic band before. Mine had not. The mechanics of aim and force were a complete mystery to her. If you find yourself in this situation then an updated rule set is that the shooter can keep going till they hit. The result in our household was a lot of delight and the absolute slowest bedtime routine yet.
Ghost
You wear a blanket over your head and try to catch the kid while they are putting on their pyjama. If they get too excited they may fail to put on their pyjama all together. If they get sad about being caught, you can tr...
Cause no one will question your ethics if you refer to yourself as a Dungeon Mom.
I snort experimentation to feel alive. It's a certain type of orientation to life, completely at odds with all parenting advice about predictability and routine.
Enter DM parenting. Where you approach every parenting task as a Dungeons and Dragons session where you are shepherding a team of pure outliers on the enthusiasm-skill spectrum through the Sisyphisian ordeal of rolling their toothbrush up hi … no, wait, stop that!
Anyway.
You need them to fight the BBEG cause otherwise you are not having fun, but who says they wouldn't rather murder hobo their way through the local dairy supply chain?As a DM, you have to juggle an objective, your own enjoyment, and the enjoyment of your players.
This is basically parenting.
Of course, as a DM, you generally play with people who have opted in while playing according to a rule set someone lovingly crafted for you.
Luckily kids love to play, and if you pick the right rule set, they will probably be game. Except no one wrote any rule sets on how to DM kids into their pyjamas.
Till now.
My kids are young - 3 and 5. These rules work far better for the older of the two. I assume they will keep working better till they become old enough to build their own rules, but here is where we got in the last 2 weeks or so:
Bedtime Rules
Peekaboo
You close your eyes and keep them closed while your kid still needs to get ready for bed. But of course, you try to check if everything is going ok by blindingly reaching out your hands. I'd recommend exaggerating your ineptitude at determining if the little one has actually put on their pajama. It can also be fun to let them advise you on how to navigate the environment. The perspective taking training on this one seems to lead to additional giggles.
Tickle Station
Every time your kid does a bedtime task, they can dock into the tickle station and get tickled by you! Personally I made a tickle station by just reaching out my arms and pretending I was a booth. Some warning here that some kids do not like to be tickled so explicitly check if they find this fun, and also, crucially, let them come to you to receive tickles. In our case, my kiddos love being tickled.
It has gotten to the point that the tickle station has become a bit of an emotional regulation option with me and the kids now, cause it helps them out of a funk quite easily.
Walk a Mile…
… in momma's (or papa's) shoes. Just let them wear your shoes while going through the entire bedtime routine. This was kind of amusing to watch. Might be important to keep them away from stairwells and the like.
Duel Shots
Grab two clothes pins and an elastic band. Hook the elastic band around the (closed) front of the clothes pin and pull back. You can now shoot rubber bands without them snapping your fingers. For the rule set, you both get one clothes pin. For each step of the bed time routine you shoot your kid with the elastic band and they can shoot you back.
Obviously, this can hurt quite a bit, so as an opt out either of you can shout "mirror" and then the other person will have to shoot the mirror image of you instead.
You may now discover if your child has ever shot an elastic band before. Mine had not. The mechanics of aim and force were a complete mystery to her. If you find yourself in this situation then an updated rule set is that the shooter can keep going till they hit. The result in our household was a lot of delight and the absolute slowest bedtime routine yet.
Ghost
You wear a blanket over your head and try to catch the kid while they are putting on their pyjama. If they get too excited they may fail to put on their pyjama all together. If they get sad about being caught, you can tr...