#63 - Friendship over Romance? Rhaina Cohen on Centering Life with Friends

What if friendship—not romance, not marriage—were the central relationship in your life?

That’s the question Rhaina Cohen asks in her book The Other Significant Others. And wow, do we love this book. David, TJ, and Elena sat down with Rhaina to talk about what it would mean to build a life around deep, committed friendship—and why our current relationship hierarchy (romantic > everything else) might be due for a rethink.

Once you start centering friendship, it starts disrupting many other assumptions. We talked about: what it looks like to live near your friends, how parenting could look different, what happens when friends make commitments, when other people don’t recognize those commitments, and whether secular folks should borrow a few ideas from monks.

Join us and—if you haven’t already—go read the book!

About Our Guest

Rhaina Cohen is an award-winning editor for the NPR documentary podcast Embedded and the author of the national bestseller, The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center, which Trevor Noah described as "my new Bible." Her writing on social connection has appeared in The Atlantic, The New York Times, The Washington Post and has been supported by the National Endowment for the Humanities. Rhaina's recent TED talk on the untapped potential of friendship has been viewed more than half a million times. She lives in Washington, D.C. with her husband and close friends.

—

★ Timestamps

(00:00) Why we were excited to interview Rhaina Cohen

(04:17) Rhaina Cohen: "Reimagining life with friendship at the center"

(10:27) Deconstruction and reconstruction: You can't be what you can't see

(19:10) Live Near Friends

(24:52) Conflicts in friendships: needing language, recognition

(28:29) Parenting doesn't have to be exhausting

(37:00) Can we TEACH better relationship skills?

(41:33) Covenant relationships: "You can be committed to someone and not be sleeping with them"

(47:04) Would secular people benefit from monastic models?

(55:03) What's next? Monogamy, marriage vows, and more

(01:01:52) Recommended readings from Rhaina and more

—

★ Links and References

“A Grand Experiment in Parenthood and Friendship” by Rhaina Cohen (The Atlantic, 2025)

Live Near Friends: livenearfriends.com

Super Nuclear: supernuclear.substack.com

Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends by Marissa Franco (2022)

Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections by Anna Goldfarb (2024):

Stay True, a memoir by Hua Hsu (2023)

First Love: Essays on Friendship by Lily Dancyger (2024)

Invisibilia (NPR) series on friendship, especially: Nun of Us Are Friends, Esther Perel gives Therapy with Friends

Follow Rhaina: Related on Substack, @RhainaCohen on Instagram

TJ’s Story (New Kinship episode #6): “TJ's Story | Dysphoria, Queerness, Contextualization, and Conviction”

—

★ Send us feedback, questions, comments, or support!

Email: communionandshalom@gmail.com | Instagram: @newkinship | Substack: @newkinship | Patreon: @newkinship

—

★ Credits

Creators and Hosts: David Frank, TJ Espinoza | Audio Engineer: Carl Swenson, carlswensonmusic.com | Podcast Manager: Elena F. | Graphic Designer: Gavin Popken, gavinpopkenart.com ★

Get full access to New Kinship at newkinship.substack.com/subscribe