Conversation with Lakshmi Rengarajan — Removing the Consumer Mindset from Dating
Feb 8, 2024
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Lakshmi Rengarajan, a renowned dating researcher and host of the Later Dater Today podcast, dives into the complexities of modern dating. She discusses how dating apps can amplify negative behaviors and create transactional mindsets. Lakshmi emphasizes the importance of fostering genuine connections over mere attraction to wealth. The conversation touches on the unique challenges faced by Gen X daters and the impact of technology on relationships, advocating for authenticity in a digital world.
Online dating has led to a transactional approach, focusing on finding the perfect match rather than building connections, leading to inequality and unrealistic standards.
For older individuals, dating is about connection and curiosity, allowing exploration of new identities and preferences.
Deep dives
The Impact of Online Dating on Modern Relationships
Online dating has changed the way people approach relationships, especially for younger generations. The emphasis on quick judgments and snap decisions has resulted in a transactional approach to dating, where people are more focused on finding the perfect match rather than building a deeper connection. This has created an inequality in the dating market, where the top 10% of men receive a disproportionate amount of attention, putting pressure on both men and women to meet unrealistic standards. Additionally, the dating culture perpetuated by media and societal expectations encourages people to quickly move on from potential partners if a spark isn't immediately felt. Overall, the rise of online dating has led to a decrease in household formation and a decline in deep and meaningful relationships.
The Challenges of Dating Later in Life
The dating landscape for older individuals, often referred to as 'later daters,' differs from that of younger generations. Many individuals in this group are navigating online dating for the first time, adapting to a platform that wasn't originally designed for them. The focus for later daters is often more on connection and curiosity than rushing into commitment. This period of life allows for exploration of new identities and preferences, creating different expectations compared to earlier stages of dating. It's important for individuals to reassess what they truly want in a relationship and be open to new possibilities, considering an approach that aligns with their current values and aspirations.
The Impact of AI on Dating
Artificial intelligence has already made its way into the dating world. AI is being used for image enhancement, profile creation, and messaging, providing users with more efficient and tailored dating experiences. However, the rise of AI in dating also raises concerns. AI-driven algorithms and companions can never fully replace the human connection and the dynamics of a real relationship. Overdependence on AI can lead to a lack of real emotional engagement, preventing individuals from experiencing the full range of human relationships and potential growth. While AI can be beneficial in enhancing certain aspects of dating, it should be used judiciously and in a way that maintains the importance of human connection.
The Dangers of AI-dependent Relationships
There is a concern that the advances in AI could lead to a future where men, facing rejection or lacking confidence, retreat into relationships with AI-driven algorithms and sex dolls. This could result in a generation of men who lack the skills and ability to form real, fulfilling relationships, leading to seclusion and loneliness. The reliance on AI companions and the replacement of human connections would create a profound void in the human experience. It's crucial to recognize the value of real relationships and the personal growth that can only come from genuine human connections.
Lakshmi Rengarajan, a leading researcher on dating and the host of the Later Dater Today podcast, joins Scott to discuss the trends around dating for both old and young people, the importance of “striving,” and how dating apps bring out the worst side of us when it comes to finding potential partners.
Scott opens with his thoughts on Meta’s staggering earnings.
