Day 29 - Pattern Tracking

Apr 30, 2020

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Wonderful encounters continue around the camp. Two young rhino bulls made their way past camp and after a short while I got on the tracks for some fun. They led me on the southern bank of the river. Past a Sausage tree and Apple leaf when I heard growling from 50 meters back from where I had come. The growling escalated and I immediately knew it was the mating leopards from the other day. My gratitude for this spot and the experiences it has given me is impossible to state. I love this tree.

I was feeling pretty good when the dark clouds began to build and a mini trauma pattern played out. Introjection followed by projection. Psychologically I returned back to the other night and I felt like I was in the storm already. Bad decisions were made and trauma starts to create itself leaving me feeling isolated and anxious fearing the worst. It played out for about 15 minutes before I was able to interrupt it.

Part of dealing with trauma is understanding the physiology of trauma. Notice my adrenals are activated. Ask myself what is actually happening now. Move to some kind of self care - what do I need right now? Radio for a weather report. Create a different outcome for yourself - this involved getting everything covered in tarps and then watching the dark shapes in the mountains move in.

Learning to map and interrupt trauma patterns creates totally different branches of lives. In hundreds of ceremonies this has become my art form. To map and interrupt patterns to create different outcomes for people.

Patterns can become more intricate and complex as the scope of the trauma becomes deeper. Anger turned inward becomes self loathing which becomes depression. Interrupt the anger to restore boundaries and re-establish value. It requires looking at suffering in a much more interconnected way much like an ecosystem.

Map your pattern, play with learning to create new outcomes for yourself.

What past is in this moment
Notice what your body is doing
Ask yourself What do you need?
Reach out for support. It’s hard to see a pattern from inside it.

I get excited about it as a tracker as its all about how the pattern is laid down. We can learn with attention and all become pattern trackers. I’ve been thinking about how all the mystics found a way of living and then shared the peace and joy of that way. The doctrine often came after their lives. I have found a way to live here that is simple and peaceful. I have made a home in it, but is it making a home in me?

Purposeful action towards and unknown purpose. I don’t know where I’m going but I know exactly how to get there.

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