28. Gay, Disabled, & Gender Dysphoric: Jayme’s Story

Jayme knows better than most people what’s like to feel “born in the wrong body,” and to be treated differently. Born premature with cerebral palsy, she had to grow up quickly, managing the pain, limitation, inconvenience, and treatment of her disabling illness. At puberty, she discovered she was same-sex attracted as well. Then came what she describes as “sex dysphoria,” a persistent feeling of deep discomfort with her female body, and a desire to be seen and treated as man. 

Jayme now lives and thinks of herself as a man, and those closest to her support this identity. She feels that social transition has helped her mental health. So why would Jayme talk to a biological realist like me? As we explore in this conversation, Jayme’s unique experiences of exclusion and discrimination, based on her disability, have cultivated a deep appreciation for human connection in its many forms, as well as a thick skin for tolerating viewpoint diversity. She also takes personal responsibility for how gender dysphoria affects her, rather than asking the world to change for her. Furthermore, as someone who has been affected by medical problems since day one, Jayme does not take health for granted. She shares many of my concerns about how gender is treated in today’s healthcare industry, and having done her research, she has chosen not to undergo medicalization. 

Listen as Jayme vulnerably and courageously shares her unique perspective derived from having learned how to thrive in spite of extraordinary hardship. This episode contains discussion of suicide, and may not be suitable for all listeners.

A note about language: I entered this conversation knowing little about Jayme, and so I stepped delicately, initially using the term Jayme uses to describe herself, “transsexual.” It eventually became clear to me that Jayme has not chosen to undergo any hormones or surgeries to mimic the appearance of the opposite sex. I would therefore not use the term transsexual, in retrospect, as I reserve that term to describe people who’ve undergone such medical experiments. Rather, I would describe Jayme as a gay woman living with gender dysphoria. In stepping delicately, I also initially used the gender neutral pronouns “they/them” when talking with Jayme about herself. I understand it is Jayme’s preference to be called he/him, as social transition has been her way of managing dysphoria. I appreciate Jayme’s willingness to build bridges between people with different worldviews, including people like me, who avoid the use of “identity”-based pronouns and stick to classical language that accurately reflects biological sex. 

As with much of my work, there’s something in this episode to upset everyone... except those who appreciate an earnest attempt at bridging worlds; respect the vastness of the human experience; and don’t need to agree on everything in order to find value in someone else’s perspective.

Jayme is a writer, speaker, and advocate. Jayme’s blog, Self-Made Renegade, addresses disability and gender issues. You can follow Jayme on Twitter @jayme_speaking.

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Show notes & transcript provided with the help of SwellAI.

Special thanks to Joey Pecoraro for our theme song, “Half Awake,” used with gratitude and permission.

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