Curb Appeal: Finding Home After Loss with Rev. Steven Tomlinson
Dec 3, 2024
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Rev. Steven Tomlinson, an Episcopal priest, playwright, and former economist, shares his poignant journey through grief after losing his partner, David. He reflects on how writing his play 'Curb Appeal' aided his healing process. Tomlinson discusses the intertwined themes of loss and community, emphasizing the vital role of faith and connection in navigating grief. He highlights the importance of living fully in the present, the power of shared experiences, and transformative moments of hope amidst despair.
Stephen Tomlinson uses his play 'Curb Appeal' to explore grief, illustrating how community support can help navigate loss together.
His transformed relationship with faith fosters a focus on present connections, allowing him to find comfort and meaning in daily life after loss.
Deep dives
Transformative Grief and Writing
The loss of Stephen's partner, David, in a tragic car accident profoundly altered his life, leading him to explore his grief through writing. He created a play titled 'Curb Appeal' as a way to process not just his own feelings, but also to help his community navigate their discomfort with death and grief. Through his writing, he compiled the various comments and reactions he received from friends and family, which revealed how people project their own anxieties onto the grieving. This collective grief work highlighted the interconnectedness of individual loss and communal support in the face of tragedy.
Redefining Companionship and Home
In the aftermath of David's death, Stephen felt a stirring desire for companionship while searching for a new home, illustrating the intertwined nature of grief and the longing for connection. The process of house hunting became symbolic, prompting reflections on intimacy and the types of relationships one seeks after loss. Stephen recognized that the journey of looking for a house mirrored the search for a new partner, as both involve hopes, fantasies, and the potential for new beginnings despite the pain of the past. This realization culminated in a creative endeavor that allowed him to express his grief while also welcoming new experiences.
Grief's Raw Reality
Stephen articulated that his grief was not about a lost future with David but rather the everyday moments they shared, emphasizing the depth of their domestic life together. He missed the comfort found in their routine arguments and intimate disagreements, recognizing these interactions as vital to their relationship. This longing revealed his desire for connection, as he sought others who could fill the void left by David's absence. Stephen’s reflection on these mundane yet meaningful interactions underscored that grief encompasses more than just loss; it encompasses a yearning for mutual understanding and familiarity that once existed.
Shifting Perspectives on Faith and Mortality
After experiencing profound loss, Stephen found his relationship with faith and the concept of the afterlife transformed, as he became less concerned about what comes next and more focused on the present. This shift allowed him to appreciate the connections he still felt with David, as well as the meaningful expressions of hope in the Episcopal Church's burial rites. The teachings of the Episcopal Church emphasized resurrection and the possibility of renewal, fostering a sense of comfort amidst grief. Stephen's journey through grief led him to embrace mortality, shifting his fears toward ensuring that he lives purposefully and meaningfully in the now.
Steven Tomlinson, Episcopal priest, playwright, and former economist, shares his personal journey through grief and healing after the sudden loss of his partner, David. Tomlinson reflects on how community, faith, and the process of writing his play Curb Appeal helped him navigate the complexities of loss.
With wisdom drawn from his unique career in theology, theater, and business, Steven explores the raw realities of grief, the role of love in healing, and how faith has shaped his understanding of death and resurrection. His story offers deep insights into the power of presence, the mystery of life after death, and finding peace amidst the uncertainties of loss.