Andrea Zanin, author of "Post Non-Monogamy and Beyond" and co-author of "More Than Two, Second Edition," dives into the nuances of transitioning identities after non-monogamous relationships. The chat explores the concept of post-non-monogamy, its benefits, and philosophical implications. Zanin discusses how chronic health issues can reshape one's dating life and the evolving landscape of non-monogamy over the past decade. With humor and depth, this conversation is a must-listen for anyone interested in the future of relationship dynamics.
Post-non-monogamy reflects a transformative journey where individuals reassess their identities after moving away from active non-monogamous relationships.
The conversation emphasizes the necessity of addressing abuse in non-monogamous contexts while fostering inclusivity and support for evolving identities.
Deep dives
The Concept of Post-Non-Monogamy
The discussion delves into the phenomenon of post-non-monogamy, where individuals who have previously engaged in non-monogamous relationships reassess their identities and practices after transitions to different relationship statuses. Andrea Zanin shares her own experiences of moving away from active non-monogamy during the pandemic and acknowledges the complexities that arise when one's lifestyle choices shift. This reflection is not just personal; statistics indicate that a significant portion of the population has experienced non-monogamy at some point, which raises important questions about identity in relation to practice. Zanin emphasizes the importance of normalizing the experiences of those who are in a state of post-non-monogamy, as it is a valid and common pathway many navigate.
Non-Monogamy as Identity vs. Practice
A key theme in the conversation revolves around whether non-monogamy constitutes an identity or merely a practice. Zanin suggests that the answer may vary significantly from one person to another, pointing out that once someone has embraced non-monogamous practices, it often becomes an integral part of their worldview, even if their current situation has shifted. This aspect can lead to feelings of inadequacy among individuals who no longer align with active non-monogamous practices but still identify with the philosophy. The discussion encourages a more inclusive and flexible understanding of identity that allows for the evolution of personal circumstances without diminishing one's past experiences.
Navigating Life Changes and Non-Monogamy
The podcast emphasizes how life circumstances, such as chronic illness or major life challenges, can impact individuals' ability to engage in non-monogamous relationships. The conversation highlights the importance of recognizing that many people go through phases where they may not have the capacity or desire to seek multiple partners, leading to the need for new identities during those times. Zanin illustrates this point by discussing how societal expectations can lead to feelings of failure when one isn't actively pursuing non-monogamous relationships. The dialogue reinforces the idea that having a supportive identity during transitional phases can be empowering, allowing individuals to acknowledge their current state without judgment.
The Importance of Discussing Abuse in Non-Monogamous Contexts
Zanin discusses the critical need to address abuse within non-monogamous relationships, underlining that abuse is not unique to any relationship style but is a universal concern. The conversation touches upon how marginalized communities often emphasize defending their identities, which can sometimes lead to the minimization of serious issues like abuse. She stresses the importance of setting boundaries and recognizing the signs of abusive behaviors, advocating for open dialogues about these topics within non-monogamous contexts. By incorporating discussions about abuse, Zanin believes communities can better equip individuals with the tools needed to foster safe and healthy relationships.
In a conversation that ranges a little beyond both books, Laura and Andrea Zanin discuss:
What is Post-Non-Monogamy?
Does it matter whether non-monogamy is an identity?
What benefit can we glean from a post-non-monogamous identity?
What are some reasons one might be post-non-monogamous?
The flexibility of this concept and identity
More than two, second edition, and what parts of it Andrea is most proud of putting into the world, as well as the process of taking the ten year old book apart and putting it back together.
The future of non-monogamy.
This conversation got a little deep, but also very funny, and I hope you all enjoy it. Andrea Zanin was an absolute delight to interview as well as to read, and you should go out and get their books.
