The Fluent Mind ESL Podcast Topic Talk | Funerals and the loss of a loved one
In this emotional episode of The A to Z English Podcast, Xochitl and Jack talk about funerals and the loss of a loved one.
Transcript:
00:00:00
Jack
Hey, A is the English podcast listeners. It's Jack here and we just want to announce that we are now on WeChat. Our WeChat ID is A-Z English podcast that is A-Z English podcast, one word all lowercase.
00:00:17
Jack
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00:00:18
Jack
Join the group. You will be able to talk with me. You'll be able to.
00:00:22
Jack
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00:00:23
Jack
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00:00:48
Jack
Welcome to the Ages English podcast. My name is Jack and I'm here with my co-host social. And I'm going to let social introduce today's topic. So social, what would you like to talk about today?
00:01:02
Xochitl
Jack, I kind of want to talk about funeral traditions in different cultures. So I was going.
00:01:08
Xochitl
To talk about, you know.
00:01:10
Xochitl
Mexican traditions because I just went through that with my grandfather passing, I guess he passed.
00:01:17
Xochitl
Let's like a week ago now, maybe or a little less than a week ago, so.
00:01:24
Xochitl
Yeah, I don't know. And I've been, uh, I guess I can just get into it.
00:01:30
Xochitl
Sure.
00:01:34
Xochitl
I don't know how to kick this off actually.
00:01:36
Jack
Ohh no, that's alright. Maybe start with the just just the process is in. In American culture there's a I guess there's kind of two, two aspects to it, right. There's the funeral and the.
00:01:52
Jack
Wake.
00:01:54
Xochitl
Hmm.
00:01:55
Jack
And the wake is more like a.
00:01:59
Jack
A gathering where people get together and there's maybe some. Sometimes there's food, I think is if I'm not mistaken, yeah.
00:02:07
Xochitl
Yeah, that's true.
00:02:09
Jack
Yeah. So and I think the interesting thing about that in American culture and maybe this is true in, in every culture.
00:02:18
Jack
It seems odd to be eating at that time. You know what, I.
00:02:22
Xochitl
But yeah.
00:02:22
Jack
Mean like no one?
00:02:23
Jack
Has an appetite that people are grieving, they're upset. But I feel like maybe the food preparation is a distraction.
00:02:36
Jack
It's it's, it's focusing on our executive function of our brain, the the part that is just very analytical and just doing things. And I think that is a distraction from the pain and the grief would.
00:02:52
Jack
You agree with that?
00:02:54
Xochitl
I think so I I think.
00:02:59
Xochitl
That also it's because a lot of people who aren't, like, super close family come and so they're like, you know, they're they're kind of there to help in certain in a certain way or just to, you know, for emotional support. But they're they're probably going to be hungry because I don't think they're mourning.
00:03:21
Xochitl
And really like the same way you know on, I mean they're they're sad, I'm sure, but it's like a little different. So I think it's like it's kind of a way for the family to say thank you in Mexican tradition that happened.
00:03:22
Jack
Right, right.
00:03:34
Jack
Yeah.
00:03:37
Xochitl
That happens too, but it's like a two day.
00:03:40
Xochitl
Affair where you have to be like awake all night.
00:03:45
Xochitl
You're like, up for 48 hours straight basically because you can't leave the body alone.
00:03:49
Jack
Oh, OK, OK. Because that's different than American culture, where the the body is.
00:03:58
Jack
Is is in the caskets.
00:04:02
Jack
But you don't have to stay up all night with with the body.
00:04:08
Jack
Hmm.
00:04:09
Xochitl
Yeah, this the body was in the casket. But we do have to stay with the body because.
00:04:15
발표자
It's.
00:04:16
Xochitl
It's like I don't know. I guess it's to prevent bad spirits, like in old, in old mythology or whatever, to prevent bad spirits from like latching on to the soul of the body. So you have to stay there like 48 hours.
00:04:33
Xochitl
And it's really hard. My sister and I kind of were with my mom.
00:04:36
Xochitl
And shift. So I would like stay up.
00:04:39
Xochitl
The whole time and then I would go to sleep.
00:04:41
Xochitl
Then she would stay up.
00:04:42
Jack
OK.
00:04:43
Xochitl
Uhm, so we didn't have to do the whole 48 hours thing. I did have to stay up.
00:04:50
Xochitl
More than my sister because she traveled.
00:04:53
Xochitl
Plus, she's in that school. So she was like sleeping for a lot large portion of it.
00:04:58
Xochitl
But when she finally woke up, she was she stayed with the body and then I went to sleep and I woke up and so.
00:05:08
Xochitl
And with the his like sisters and nieces and nephews, they kind of did shifts as well. So like, one day, I think my aunt was my great aunt was there. And the other day my.
00:05:23
Xochitl
Cousin, I guess was there and it's like their family just kind of did shifts, I guess.
00:05:29
Jack
But it sounds like.
00:05:30
Jack
You didn't get much sleep, though. You. You sound exhausted. Yeah.
00:05:32
Xochitl
No. Yeah, it was very tiring and very hard because you're, like, dealing with a lot of grief. And on top of that, you're, like, serving people food and running around with serving people like.
00:05:48
Xochitl
Drinks, not alcoholic drinks, but just regular drinks. But you still you're you're running around serving people with soft drinks and food, and it's just only something like you have to make these two giant. You have to make.
00:06:00
Xochitl
Like.
00:06:01
Xochitl
We had cinnamon tea and coffee and then.
00:06:03
Xochitl
Sweet bread like.
00:06:06
Xochitl
Uh, like pastries at night the first night, and then the next morning. We have, like, breakfast and we had.
00:06:14
Xochitl
Like we also had pastries, coffee and cinnamon tea, and then we had, like Morley, which is like a, it's a chocolate based like sauce, you know. And I've tried my.
00:06:26
Jack
Yeah.
00:06:28
Jack
No, but I I you've mentioned it before in the podcast, I think.
00:06:32
Xochitl
Yes, I have. It's kind of different. One of the yeah, it's different because it's not. It's just like it's a completely different dish. I don't know why they share the same name, but more like the paste is like a different dish.
00:06:44
Xochitl
And there's a there's like seven different types of molis. This one is like a black mullet, which is kind of sweet, a little bit sweet and spicy, and is very thick.
00:06:58
Xochitl
It has a bunch of ingredients like chocolate, chilies, charred tortilla, peanuts, I think, and different things like that. So and we ate that with rice and chicken, and then the next day after the funeral, we also or.
00:07:13
Xochitl
Before the funeral, I think.
00:07:15
Xochitl
Or after I can't remember we served. No, it was after the funeral. We served eggs and salsa Verde and black beans. But it's like kind of crazy because you're, like, running on no sleep and making all these meals for people. So it's kind of like.
00:07:34
Xochitl
And it was kind of wild. And then, like the family, like my mom, I think was up like the whole 48 hours.
00:07:41
Jack
Ohh wow.
00:07:42
Xochitl
I thought I sleep once and it was for like 15 minutes.
00:07:45
Jack
Right, right. Is she? And and you know, for her, this is both of her parents have passed in the within a very short period of time.
00:07:56
Xochitl
Yeah. Within four months from each other because my grandmother passed at the end of February, my grandfather passed at the very.
00:08:03
Xochitl
End of June.
00:08:05
Jack
Yeah.
00:08:06
Jack
Yes.
00:08:06
Xochitl
So yeah.
00:08:10
Xochitl
Choose up the whole night and serving people food and soft drinks and it just seemed like a really stressful night time for her and I feel really terrible for her because she's she's like in charge. She's also the executor of the world.
00:08:26
Jack
OK.
00:08:27
Xochitl
Which means she has she has a lot of work to do.
00:08:30
Jack
Right. A lot of lot of documents that have to be signed and.
00:08:35
Jack
Yeah. Yeah. A lot of responsibility in that in that respect, you know.
00:08:40
Xochitl
Yeah. So that's very difficult. So, yeah, I think it's just interesting. I think, I think it's it's kind of cool and very interesting how people are up for like for there's always people at your house for the whole 48 hours and it's kind of interesting. But I I just felt so suffocated like I wished it was just us.
00:09:01
Xochitl
Like his closest family, so I could just pull an address out and sleep on the floor, close to the buddy. But I just. I just kind of like.
00:09:06
Jack
Yeah, or or just cry, you know, like.
00:09:11
Jack
If you feel a little bit, maybe and I'm I'm just making an assumption here, but do you feel like you, you're you let you, you can't be vulnerable when there are people who you don't know very closely around is it is.
00:09:29
Xochitl
Yeah, it was definitely hard. But like when I first saw it, when like when I first got in there and saw like, yeah, I just wailed anyway because it was just so.
00:09:36
Xochitl
So intense.
00:09:38
Jack
Yeah.
00:09:40
Xochitl
It was like it was different because with my grandmother, it's like I didn't really cry. I didn't. I I cried a little bit with my grandfather. I cried a little bit with my grandmother, but with this grandfather, I cried a lot more, I think.
00:09:51
Xochitl
It's just like.
00:09:53
Xochitl
All the compound of them all lying so close together and then.
00:09:59
Xochitl
It was just.
00:09:59
Xochitl
Sadder because I felt like we didn't really get to say goodbye, cause the Mexican hospital system is really a mess. Yeah, and uh, with my grand, with my paternal grand grandfather, he was UM.
00:10:12
Xochitl
He had like dementia, so we kind of got to say slow goodbye.
00:10:16
Xochitl
To him.
00:10:16
Jack
Yeah.
00:10:18
Xochitl
So it was different and then he passed. But it's like, you know, he was, he was really suffering. It was a it was a slow burn kind of goodbye. And so it kind of felt like he was ready to go.
00:10:29
Xochitl
You know with my.
00:10:31
Jack
Yeah, this one was more sudden. It was.
00:10:34
Xochitl
Yeah. Well, like with my maternal grandmother who passed before my maternal grandfather.
00:10:39
Xochitl
I I was living.
00:10:40
Xochitl
With her at the time. So I, like, saw her decline in real time.
00:10:44
Jack
Yeah.
00:10:45
Xochitl
UM and I and we were there with her every step of the way. In the hospital we were. We also stayed at the ICU for like the whole week, basically. But we got to see her every single day and hear about, you know, what's going.
00:10:59
Xochitl
On.
00:11:00
Xochitl
So with this one it was just kind of a shock because.
00:11:04
Xochitl
Like, only one person could go in, I think per day and it would only be like 30 minutes for 30 minutes and.
00:11:15
Xochitl
It was very restricted and they didn't really keep you updated on anything.
00:11:20
Xochitl
So the last couple of days we thought he was stable and he was getting better, so.
00:11:25
Xochitl
I was like.
00:11:27
Xochitl
I was kind of slowly planning my way to get over there, if that makes sense.
00:11:32
Jack
Yeah, makes perfect sense.
00:11:33
Xochitl
But I was like he, he'll. He'll be fine. That's what we were understanding. So for me it was like ohh. Like I'm gonna. I'll. I'll plan my I'll just I have to get it together to plan with my aunt about when I'm going to Mexico City and when her and I are going to head to the US.
00:11:52
Xochitl
And and so we were. I was just looking at flights when I got the call. Uh, from my aunt that he had passed. And I was just like.
00:12:00
Xochitl
It really shocked me, you know? And so I was like, I really wasn't expecting it. And my my mom and aunt didn't even get to say goodbye. He had already passed so.
00:12:03
Jack
Yeah.
00:12:11
Jack
Yeah.
00:12:12
Xochitl
It's just, yeah, it's very hard. I think when there's less closure like that.
00:12:19
Jack
MHM.
00:12:20
Xochitl
And you think someones gonna get better and they don't. And it's just very like.
00:12:25
Xochitl
Confusing and.
00:12:28
Xochitl
Very hard on you. So yeah, with this one I I did cry. Even though there are people there, of course, I didn't feel like as comfortable.
00:12:35
Xochitl
UM, but I just broke down anyway. It's like I couldn't help it.
00:12:40
Jack
Oh no. And people are are very sympathetic to to that. I'm I I think we.
00:12:48
Jack
In in, in, in Mexican culture you you mentioned before in other podcasts that it's a kind of a masculine culture.
00:13:00
Xochitl
Yes, be careful.
00:13:01
Jack
So kind of suffocating, pushing down your feelings in in public, you know, trying to be stoic, you stoic means like, you know, trying to be strong. And. And I I feel like we that's also part of the United States culture when it comes to these things.
00:13:21
Jack
Is like, you know, don't breakdown and I wish we could be more vulnerable with each other. And in those situations and and just really let our true emotions come out. And it sounds like you. You did that and it probably was healthier to.
00:13:36
Xochitl
Now.
00:13:39
Jack
Dad.
00:13:40
Xochitl
Yeah, I pretty much was beyond giving a crap about whatever anyone around me thought. You know what I mean? So I I wrote down. So yeah, it was. It was very hard. And then, you know, we had the funeral procession kind of thing. And I carried the casket and.
00:13:46
Jack
Yeah, yeah.
00:13:57
Xochitl
We.
00:13:58
Xochitl
Sit around watching him get lowered into the.
00:14:01
Xochitl
Like the brave and kind of different in Mexico, the Mexico City is huge. So there's like one small lot and it kind of looks like a house from outside, like a small house like A1 room house or.
00:14:16
Xochitl
Ohh OK yeah, it has doors locked and like a window and like a roof and everything. And it's like kind of like a really tiny mausoleum. But like, a really tiny one. But not it doesn't look like a mausoleum. It just looks like a little tiny.
00:14:25
Jack
Yeah.
00:14:32
Xochitl
House like A1 room house so.
00:14:35
Xochitl
We opened it and then they like, pulled the concrete signs out and there's like 10.
00:14:42
Xochitl
It's like a.
00:14:44
Xochitl
Like a 15 foot hole or a 12 foot hole like and it's like 10 slabs that you could bury different people and on both sides.
00:14:52
Jack
OK. Is this a family plot here then?
00:14:55
Xochitl
Yeah, it's a family plot.
00:14:56
Jack
OK.
00:14:58
Xochitl
So.
00:14:58
Jack
I I think that if I'm, you know, I'm I I don't mean to be.
00:15:04
Jack
To diminish this or anything, but I I remember seeing a little house like that in the movie Coco.
00:15:12
Xochitl
Ohh yeah.
00:15:13
Jack
And.
00:15:14
Xochitl
Yes, that's kind of how it's like, yeah.
00:15:16
Jack
OK.
00:15:17
Xochitl
Yeah. Yeah, it is like that. And UM, so we we, uh, lowered him down and then they put my grandmother's ashes with him actually in the same casket that was that was a, a, A. That was a moment of anger for all of us because his freaking sister, my grandfather's sister.
00:15:29
Jack
Oh, that's sweet.
00:15:37
Xochitl
He's been going on said. If we wanted to put the ashes in with him, we could put her.
00:15:41
Xochitl
Ashes at his feet.
00:15:43
Jack
Oh.
00:15:44
Xochitl
Like why would?
00:15:45
Xochitl
You even say that you know what I mean? I wasn't there when you said that or I would have been so mad. But, you know, we just put them.
00:15:47
Jack
Then.
00:15:53
Xochitl
They were like next to his arm, I guess.
00:15:56
Jack
Yeah. You you want holding each other? Not. Yeah, yeah, you know.
00:16:00
Xochitl
Yes.
00:16:03
Xochitl
Not one like beneath the other one. It's like, you know, but.
00:16:07
발표자
Yeah.
00:16:07
발표자
So then.
00:16:08
Xochitl
Unless you get lured in the slab and then they like bricked him in. Basically they have to brick people in because they don't want them like stealing the body or like stealing anything that can't. That the body was buried with.
00:16:19
Jack
Like grave, grave robbers kind of situation.
00:16:21
Xochitl
Yeah, yeah. A great rubber situation. So they, like, break him in.
00:16:26
Jack
Yeah.
00:16:27
Xochitl
To his slab in the grave. So it was kind of a very interesting process. And and I I was getting very like light headed and nauseous and they everyone thought I was going to faint. And my great one of my other great aunts hold a lip lock bag and it had a white onion cut into quarters.
00:16:47
Xochitl
And she took the 1/4 of a white onion and sprayed it with rubbing alcohol that she had in a little spray bottle in her purse. And she handed it to me to, like, sniff. So that was supposed to help me not pass out. And it did help. Weirdly, I felt way better.
00:17:04
Jack
Really. OK. I was. I would have thought maybe the smell of onion would make it worse, but.
00:17:10
Xochitl
I definitely. It's like interesting because like, you don't really smell the onion that much because your face is like, right up against it and has rubbing alcohol in it.
00:17:18
Xochitl
So the only thing that the onion does is like it gets the juices from the onion, make the rubbing alcohol more mild so they like, burn your nose when it comes up, they like react together somehow. So like you can still smell the strong smell like alcohol, but it doesn't like burn your nostrils.
00:17:27
Jack
OK.
00:17:34
Jack
Yeah.
00:17:35
Xochitl
And so that was interesting. And my boyfriend and my sister said that the onion, like the smell of the onion, was kind of making them nauseous. But I didn't notice and they didn't tell me until after the.
00:17:47
Xochitl
No, because I guess they were further away so that, like, smelled weird to them. Yeah. And then my aunt really made me laugh because she kind of right next to me and she, but she didn't see she look right.
00:17:58
Xochitl
Kind.
00:17:58
Xochitl
Of in front of me. And so since she didn't see my onion she she was like, why does it smell guacamole?
00:18:08
Xochitl
And I'm like, huh?
00:18:10
Jack
That's. That's funny. Yeah, that's.
00:18:12
Xochitl
Yeah, that's a good moment of humor in all of it. So that really that.
00:18:15
Jack
Right, a little levity was probably what everyone needed in that.
00:18:20
발표자
Thanks.
00:18:21
Xochitl
Yeah. So you know, we had to laugh about that then it was. Yeah. There was some moments where definitely we had a couple laughs and then yeah, we went back home and and that was.
00:18:31
Xochitl
Kind of it.
00:18:32
Xochitl
There was some certain things you do with the body. Like I got to see his body and it was different because my grand, the way my grandmother passed her body.
00:18:41
Xochitl
Looked very different and then when my grandfather passed, when they put him in the casket, it just looked like he was sleeping.
00:18:48
Xochitl
And and they put like coins in his pocket for his passage and shoe. Special shoes. Like what? I took, just like on him, which are traditional shoes.
00:18:58
Xochitl
So and different things and and my sister and I said we why didn't we didn't give any of this to.
00:19:03
Xochitl
My grandmother and.
00:19:06
Xochitl
And so we just we gave him extra money to pay for our passage because we thought she might be waiting. Since no one gave her any money to pay for her passage.
00:19:16
Jack
Yeah.
00:19:18
Jack
You.
00:19:19
Jack
That's interesting. It sounds like there's like a lot of little little things that you have to to do.
00:19:19
Xochitl
And.
00:19:25
Xochitl
Yeah, like a lot of little.
00:19:26
Xochitl
Things you have to remember.
00:19:27
Jack
Yeah.
00:19:29
Jack
Yeah.
00:19:30
Xochitl
Big things, yeah.
00:19:31
Xochitl
How how are?
00:19:32
Xochitl
Korean funerals. Jack, I'm curious about that. I've never been to one. I've seen them in, like, catering those and movies. But I've never like.
00:19:39
Xochitl
Been to one.
00:19:40
Jack
Yeah. So the.
00:19:42
Jack
Korean funerals are interesting. They're they're very different. It's.
00:19:46
Jack
The my my wife's grandmother passed. Probably going on. Oh gosh, 10 or or.
00:19:55
Jack
12 years ago, something like that.
00:19:58
Jack
And what happens is there's there's kind of an extra wing of of a hospitals that are kind of set up for funerals.
00:20:10
Jack
And what happens is.
00:20:13
Jack
The the body is is cremated for the most part in Korea. That's the the tradition. I think it probably comes down to the size of the country land is.
00:20:28
Xochitl
Population.
00:20:30
Jack
Yeah, exactly. It's it's it's, it's it's rare to to bury a body.
00:20:38
Jack
And so the body is, is prepared and and cremated at the at that facility that is attached to the hospital I believe. And then in the hospital you get like a A room.
00:20:54
Jack
And it's it's a large room with an eating area, and then there's a a nice a very nice photograph of the deceased person.
00:21:06
Jack
And kind of like almost like a shrine kind of set up.
00:21:11
Jack
You know, flowers and things like that.
00:21:14
Jack
And outside, when you when you enter this this large room.
00:21:22
Jack
The.
00:21:24
Jack
Like your your the company you work for will always send flowers and it's the flower. Arrangements are always these kind of tall.
00:21:34
Jack
Flower arrangements with a big ribbon expressing condolences. And so I think the the more.
00:21:45
Jack
The more influential you were, or the more people you know, you knew, the more flowers are sent. You know, so it it can it. It's very important, I think, to to have a lot of those outside, outside the door. When people enter, when you when you.
00:22:05
Jack
Enter the room, people. You will give some money. And so there was one family member that's sitting there collecting an envelope of of money.
00:22:18
Jack
That goes to the family to pay for the fuel costs and whatever other things that need to be paid for.
00:22:32
Jack
Mm-hmm.
00:22:32
Jack
And and then there's there's some food where you can you sit, they invite you to, to sit down and have a meal. And there is no, there is no like, formal kind of ceremony thing in in that in, in that at that time you but what what happens is you have this this room.
00:22:52
Jack
This large room for three days.
00:22:56
Jack
So and that's what's so interesting to me is that the family stays there for three days, so there's like a I believe there's a bathroom and a shower and. And, you know, you can you sleep there and and, you know, people will get up at different hours and people will arrive at all.
00:23:16
Jack
Kinds of different hours.
00:23:19
Jack
And I think it goes back to maybe the older times during the.
00:23:27
Jack
The the Joseon dynasty, the the one before the the last dynasty in Korea.
00:23:35
Jack
And at those times, you know, if you were to hear about the passing of a relative, you would you would start your trek.
00:23:44
Jack
To that location. And so I think they three days is enough time for most people to make it there. Now. Nowadays it seems a little bit unnecessary or we could say antiquated, which just means like it's an older tradition that that no longer.
00:24:06
Jack
Is it still followed but it's it's not necessarily necessary because people can get there very quickly within, you know, a day you can get to the to the hospital and go to that special wing of the hospital where the.
00:24:25
Jack
I I guess the the.
00:24:28
Jack
The.
00:24:29
Jack
Paying respects to the.
00:24:31
Jack
Normally occurs and then there's an urn. An urn is is a a container, kind of a beautiful, ornate container that has the ashes inside of it. And that's also, I believe, up there with the photograph and.
00:24:51
Jack
People will, you know, come and and, you know, give their condolences to the fans.
00:24:56
Jack
Me, but that three day waiting period was kind of interesting to me and not waiting period. But the three day period of time where the family is stays together in that one place.
00:25:13
Jack
Kind of reminds me of what you were talking about of like staying awake with the body for of 48 hours.
00:25:22
Jack
UM.
00:25:24
Jack
There's there's something about that, and I I know there's another in the Jewish tradition, there's something called Sitting Shiva and Shiva is where?
00:25:34
Jack
The body is.
00:25:36
Jack
UM, sometimes it's in in a person's house and they sit with the body for.
00:25:44
Jack
I I don't remember exactly how many days, but people will come and they will sit down and they.
00:25:51
Jack
Will mourn with the family and then they will leave and other people will come and and come and go and it it's kind of interesting how some of these traditions seem to overlap.
00:26:06
Jack
A little bit like there's something about, maybe there's something.
00:26:12
Jack
Important about just sitting in your grief.
00:26:17
Jack
With your loved one who's past and.
00:26:21
Jack
And kind of getting a collective hug from all the people that knew that person and loved that person and you know, coming and sitting it with the family. I feel like in in American culture it's, you know, the the most we get is like.
00:26:38
Jack
You know someone will come up at the wake or or the funeral and say I'm sorry for your loss and then that's that's kind of it. You know, there isn't like a a longer it's kind of like this is uncomfortable. I want this to be over as quickly as possible and it seems like in Mexican culture and.
00:26:46
Jack
MHM.
00:26:56
Xochitl
Right.
00:26:58
Jack
Korean culture and and Judaism.
00:27:02
Jack
Jewish culture. There's something about.
00:27:05
Jack
Fighting through that discomfort and getting to a much more honest place where you can act, cry together, mourn together, laugh together sometimes there you know it. It's not always mournful. Sometimes they're happy.
00:27:25
Jack
Memories and and share they share stories and things like that. And so I thought it was. It was really beautiful. And there's one other aspect of Korean.
00:27:37
Jack
Funerals that are that are interesting and and that is the.
00:27:41
Jack
Close friends and family will do almost a a performative kind of weeping.
00:27:49
Jack
And now sometimes it's it's genuine. I'm, I'm sure. But I did see this happen and the woman was wailing and and and crying and and, you know, and I I don't understand Korean very well, but I, you know, it sounded like she's saying no, how can this be this is, you know.
00:28:10
Jack
Unfair and.
00:28:11
Jack
And then after she was done weeping all of a sudden, her face changed right back to normal.
00:28:18
Jack
And so I realized ohh this is a performative thing out out of, you know, paying respect to the person who's passed that, you know, showing how how much.
00:28:19
Xochitl
That's crazy.
00:28:33
Jack
You've stirred up my emotions internally, but it was interesting how she she kind of came out of it really quickly. And so I was, I was. I was really intrigued by by that aspect of it as well.
00:28:47
Xochitl
Yeah, I don't feel like a catharsis. I think as well, where, like, it's like, you get to let out all your mourning and wail as loudly as you want and everything. And then after it's over, you kind of just, like, empty, you know?
00:28:59
Jack
Yeah. Yeah, that's probably that's exactly what it is. I think that's what it is, because I I know that.
00:29:07
Jack
Some people were were a little bit uncomfortable with it or or I I noticed that maybe they because I'm a I'm a foreigner. They they were like ohh this. You know maybe I I don't know. If they were embarrassed a little bit or something of of this.
00:29:27
Jack
Happening, but I was just, you know, I didn't know. My wife's grandmother very closely. So for me.
00:29:38
Jack
Kind of being there was kind of an out of body experience. You know, I I felt like very much an observer kind of in a in a in a very foreign situation. And so almost like an anthropologist, I was kind of documenting all of this. The things that were occurring and kind of viewing it that way.
00:29:57
Jack
Yeah.
00:29:58
Xochitl
Hmm.
00:29:58
Jack
And yeah.
00:30:00
Xochitl
Like, just like it's it's funny, like. And they they come to our culture and they see, like, my mom was really shocked and cause actually in Mexican culture. Uh, I think it's normal to, you know, to cry like that to a little bit at least. And and American culture is really not we're kind of more cool than rigid. And so I remember when my mom.
00:30:20
Xochitl
Came to.
00:30:24
Xochitl
The US and had to attend a funeral. She thought it was so weird. How, like even the closest family wasn't like breaking down?
00:30:32
발표자
Yeah.
00:30:33
Xochitl
She saw it as like very strange. And it's funny because they have like a completely opposite experience when they come to our culture as well. And for me, it was fun. It was like such a moment of being by cultural because, like, when at the funeral going the casket, I.
00:30:52
Xochitl
And I thought I was going to think.
00:30:55
Xochitl
UMI was talking about it on the way back in the car.
00:30:59
Xochitl
On the way back to from Mexico City to Oaxaca, I met. So was my dad and my aunt and my mom there. And, you know, so driving back and.
00:31:09
Xochitl
I was like, oh, yeah, I I thought I was going to think, but I've never seen anyone pull out the like a bag of onions before, but it it really helped. And my mom said, yeah, it's a really common thing to take when you're bearing your body, at least in Mexico City, because it's like it's thought to help protect against people fainting.
00:31:29
Jack
Yeah.
00:31:30
Xochitl
And my dad said, why would? Why would you faint like he asked me that?
00:31:35
Xochitl
And my mom rolled her eye.
00:31:41
Xochitl
She looks so annoyed. It was very funny because it's kind of like I get.
00:31:45
Jack
The answer is.
00:31:45
Xochitl
Where what? He called me.
00:31:47
Xochitl
Yeah, they're, like, totally different.
00:31:48
Jack
Sorry, the answer is so obvious, it's just such a a funny question. You know it's like.
00:31:56
Jack
Be because you know my close, you know, relative has just passed. And of course, you know, that's why.
00:32:04
Jack
The in American culture, the the idea of Stoicism is, is so strong, it's like we almost respect it right when they don't cry, because they'll, they'll, you know, in the car ride home, they'll say, oh, look how brave she was. Look how brave he was. Those are things I've heard.
00:32:24
Jack
You know, my parents say before, after a funeral, and it's like, why do we need to be brave at this time? Shouldn't we be totally raw and vulnerable and just, you know, exposed to nerve?
00:32:27
Xochitl
Right.
00:32:38
Jack
And and and just. You know what it? Why does it have to be so clean and and and and and, dare I say cold? Yeah. Polished. Yeah.
00:32:47
발표자
Polished.
00:32:50
Xochitl
It's like a.
00:32:50
Xochitl
It's a performance as well. Just how it's funny, like just how you know, we might see other cultures performing grief and and like a vulnerable outward fashion. They probably see us performing. Stoicism is very like bizarre behavior.
00:33:09
발표자
Right.
00:33:10
Jack
Right when you because it's the because the actions don't match the gravity of the situation.
00:33:16
Jack
It's like.
00:33:17
Xochitl
Right.
00:33:18
Jack
The yeah, they're they're almost. It's almost like, uhm, you're accessing all this willpower to just not feel something.
00:33:28
Xochitl
Thank you.
00:33:30
Jack
And and and then and then when people get home and then they're alone, they completely break down.
00:33:38
Jack
Because they've been suppressing all of these emotions for the last couple days so.
00:33:45
Jack
I I don't know. I'm I I I really like the Korean funeral. If I if I got to choose, I would be OK with a a Korean funeral.
00:33:58
Jack
That'd be OK with me.
00:34:00
Xochitl
Hey I think I want a mix of both.
00:34:01
Xochitl
Cultures. For me, I like.
00:34:03
Xochitl
I don't want people to have to, like, sit in the hospital and watch me suffer to death, you know? But you know, it ultimately the funerals for.
00:34:10
Xochitl
The people who loved you during your life and If however they need to grieve, I think that's OK.
00:34:17
Xochitl
With me, you know.
00:34:18
Jack
Yeah, yeah, I absolutely, absolutely. And in the Korean funeral, there's, you know, there's soju, which is an alcoholic drink is served pretty.
00:34:31
Jack
Should I say liberally? Yeah, that's what I was trying to say. And I think that maybe helps suppress some of the emotions, but.
00:34:32
발표자
No problem.
00:34:45
Jack
Yeah. Ultimately I I, I I found it to be a beautiful experience, even though it was a a tragic one, but.
00:34:54
Jack
Yeah. I I yeah, maybe maybe there's something we can take away from each culture and, you know, put all the good parts together and and and have do it that way. You know, so.
00:35:11
Jack
Yeah.
00:35:12
Xochitl
You still have to let us know what few traditions are like in your home country. I'm really curious because I know there are some other cultures that also have extended like lakes and yeah, I'm just really curious to know how you guys celebrate the life of those who passed on or how you mourn. So make sure we just comment.
00:35:30
Xochitl
And below at A-Z englishpodcast.com shoot us an e-mail at at English podcast.
00:35:34
Xochitl
At gmail.com.
00:35:36
Xochitl
And make sure to join the we chat on.
00:35:40
Xochitl
WhatsApp groups.
00:35:41
Xochitl
Remember the Jack and I are also having an English corner. Now that we do Monday to Friday and that is for one hour in the morning for me and in the evening Jack's time. So you'll have to message Jack directly to get the details.
00:35:56
Xochitl
But yeah, it's only $10 USD a month and you get 20 classes, so that's pretty good. $0.50 a class. Yeah, and it's just really great. You get to converse and we we have topics like these that we talk about and it's just really nice environment friendly environment in there.
00:36:04
Jack
Yeah.
00:36:14
Jack
Yeah, very friendly, yeah.
00:36:17
Xochitl
All right. See you. Thank you. Bye. Bye, bye.
00:36:18
발표자
Bye.
00:36:19
Jack
OK.
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