How To Change Your Thinking And Change Your Destiny With Eli Wilde

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Do you believe you can change your destiny by changing how you think?

Imagine what it would feel like to know you can change the outcome of your life and business by simply changing the way you think...

When you understand that your thoughts control your actions...

You can begin to see how you can alter the course you're on.

If you have been looking searching for a way to change your course in life or business, this is for you!

In this episode, I interview Eli Wilde and discuss how he changed his thinking and changed his destiny. Through adversity, Eli built an amazing life and business for himself. He shares his insight into business, relationships, success, and how you can apply these same principles in your life!

In this episode, Eli and I cover:

• How to cultivate imagination and leadership
• How fear can make you play small in life
• Why balance and positivity are key to success
• Why your goals and values must be in alignment
• What single thing you should avoid in sales
• What three things you can do to improve influence
• And... so much more!

If you got value from what you heard here, please be sure to subscribe and rate this podcast! Bonus points for you if you write a review! ;) 

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— TRANSCRIPT — 

Dan Henry (00:00:00): 

Hey, everyone. Welcome to the How To Think podcast. My name is Dan Henry and I'm your host. And this is the show where we take a look at extraordinary people. We sit down with them and we analyze how they think to learn how to become more successful. Today, we have Eli Wilde on, who used to live in a very bad part of town with his mother growing up in poverty and ended up getting a job with the Tony Robbins Corporation and becoming one of their top speakers at that organization. And then from there built an amazing life and business for himself. We sat down for two hours and talked about all kinds of things, business, relationships, success, and everything in between. And I really believe you're going to enjoy this episode. And as always, if you would like to get more outta life and you would like to be more successful, you can go to HowToThink.com and sign up for our daily success mentoring. You can download the app and begin your journey now to becoming more successful with that said, let's hop into the episode and get started. 

Dan Henry (00:01:16): 

Hey, everybody. Welcome to How To Think the show, where we take amazing people who have achieved something incredible in life. And we deep dive into what makes their brain tick and understand what makes people successful upstairs. So today we have an amazing guest on Mr. Eli Wilde. How you doing brother? 

Eli Wilde (00:01:38): 

I'm doing great, man. Nice to see you again. 

Dan Henry (00:01:40): 

I've been waiting to get you on here forever. 

Eli Wilde (00:01:42): 

Yeah. 

Dan Henry (00:01:43): 

So real quick intro for those that may not have heard of you, you, first of all, you're one of the most effective and just completely proficient speakers and communicators I've ever met in my fricking life. 

Eli Wilde (00:02:02): 

Thank you. 

Dan Henry (00:02:02): 

I mean it's just insane how articulate you are and how, how influential your words can be. And that makes a lot of sense, because you were the number one salesperson for Tony Robbins. You; it was like 3,300 seminars you did for him? 

Eli Wilde (00:02:18): 

3,400 while working for him, but I did a lot during that same time outside of his, his organization. 

Dan Henry (00:02:26): 

Wow, so like thousands and thousands of talks you've done? 

Eli Wilde (00:02:27): 

Yeah. Yeah. 

Dan Henry (00:02:28): 

Wow. That's amazing. So we're gonna get into that, but I have a question that I want to ask you first, before we jump in. All right. I'm sitting here with almost Superman. You were almost Superman. Could you tell us more about that? 

Eli Wilde (00:02:42): 

Yeah. And that's, that's what kind of started my a journey. And you know, I mentioned like a fam I won't mention her name, but I got to connect with a lot of famous people when I first got to Los Angeles. I, I grew up small town in Maryland, went to school, moved to Colorado. And this girl that I had been dating in Maryland had moved to California, Los Angeles, and we lost contact and we broke up and she wasn't talking to me, which is whatever. And I end up going out, I'm in Los Angeles and I go out to a party. And this guy, this homosexual man is coming up to me, hitting on me. And he's very clear that he's hitting on me. And I'm like, oh, I'll have the girlfriend drink the girlfriend's. He's like, why'd you move to LA? 

Eli Wilde (00:03:19): 

I'm like the girlfriend girl. So I bring up the word girlfriend like a hundred times and he's like, kind of not getting it. And he is like, oh, where from? I was like, from DC. He goes, oh, me too. And he is like, where'd your girlfriend go to school? I was like, American, me too. Everything was like me too. I'm like, all right, dude. And he goes, what was her name? And I said her name, and you should have seen his eyes. He's like, oh my God, they were best friends. So this is 2002. 

Dan Henry (00:03:40): 

Now you're talking to him, right? 

Eli Wilde (00:03:41): 

So we're connected. And he's like, that was my best friend in college. Can you please connect us? So I connect them. And the three of us become like best friends and his name's Paul Nelson. And he was working for Mosaic. They managed like Jim Carey, a lot of big team talent. One of his main guys back then was Tom Welling, who was Superman on the TV show, Smallville. When the Superman Returns movie came out in 2004 his guy got turned down for it and because we had become so close, he said, Eli, have you thought about acting? I think you'd be great for this. And they screen-tested me, script, all that stuff. And it turns out, you know, obviously, I needed some stuff to work on. And for most people listening, you probably heard yourself for the first I'm on like a voicemail and you hear your own voice. 

Eli Wilde (00:04:23): 

And you're like, oh my God, I sound terrible. And you're reading scripts. And when you're doing it on camera class, like if you're insecure, you can see it in the eyes. And if somebody says something to you and you don't know your line, there's just all this insecurity across your face and it, and when they do it on screen test the camera's on your face like this, like it's zeroed in. So you can read every insecurity and emotion on your face. And they were, you know, kind of breaking me down. They're like, yeah, you need to work on this, this and this. And here's what that's coming from. And I was like, this is fascinating. But it also was really uncomfortable. And I eventually kind of found it and fell in love with it. But during that time I had had a job selling dental products and it got to a point during all these kind of screen tests where Paul said, you're gonna have, you know, kind of have to quit your job and take this full on now. And I wasn't ready to make the leap. And so I quit showing up for auditions, classes, everything for the training. And he called me like a thousand times, they were like, you're making the biggest mistake, but I felt like I was being responsible and playing safe. And years later, the movie came out and it wasn't very good. And I thought it was like, wow, that could have been me. And maybe it wouldn't have 

Dan Henry (00:05:24): 

You're talking about with Brandon Ruth, right? 

Eli Wilde (00:05:26): 

Yeah. 

Dan Henry (00:05:27): 

It, it was, it was alright. 

Eli Wilde (00:05:30): 

It's like, It's not, it wasn't very memorable. They did one, you know, they didn't do multiple for a reason. 

Dan Henry (00:05:34): 

I was actually a lot happier with him than I was with who they chose for Lois Lane. I was like, I don't get this Lois Lane. It didn't make sense. 

Eli Wilde (00:05:42): 

I don't even remember. It wasn't a very, it had Kevin Spacey. It was like, it could have been great. 

Dan Henry (00:05:45): 

He was good. 

Eli Wilde (00:05:45): 

He's always good. 

Dan Henry (00:05:46): 

He's amazing. 

Eli Wilde (00:05:47): 

He's amazing. So you know, fast forward I get outta debt. I'm still working at this dental job. I'm not very happy. I have money for the first time. I'm miserable. And I just, this question was like, when that movie came out, why didn't I go for it? Why do some people who don't have a lot of talent become very successful? And some people that have lots of talent and I'd meet all these great looking people in Los Angeles, very talented, but they're 35 and waiting my table or their, you know, or they have all this talent where their drugs all the time. And I really got obsessed with how do people become who they become? And so I was curious. I was like, well, obviously I'm not, I don't believe in myself enough to go for it. I'm lacking self-esteem and self-confidence. And so I started reading all these books on it, and a lot of it was principle-based and some therapeutic gestalt, I was listening to self-hypnosis every night, kinda like I'm, I'm confident, I'm powerful doing all these affirmations. And it didn't really work. And I found something called NLP. Neurolinguistic programming. And I was talking about it with this man at, I was working at Trader Joe's, this awesome guy. And, he's like, well, you should check out Tony Robbins. And I was like, who's Tony Robbins? And so I got the book and slowly became obsessed with that body of work and didn't wanna let it go. And so I harassed Tony's company until they gave a job. 

Dan Henry (00:06:55): 

Wow. Well, that's one way to get in. Geez. That's amazing. That's an amazing story. And you know, what's funny, I'm watching you right now and I'm looking at your face and you kind of do have a Superman vibe and look at the camera, look at the freaking camera. He's got the curl. Look, Brandon show, put, look, look at it He's got the curl. Look at that. 

Eli Wilde (00:07:14): 

I woke up like this. 

Dan Henry (00:07:15): 

That was not even intentional was it? Yeah, we definitely need to get the camera more front facing on him. I just realized like, everything's a side profile. But here, I'm gonna sit this way so people can see us both a little bit better. There we go. There you go. So, so, so, all right, so you, you didn't wanna, and what was like, what was deep, deep, deep down the, the biggest reason that you think why you didn't really want to pursue that and, and that didn't call to you? 

Eli Wilde (00:07:42): 

Well, at the time it did, but I was scared. And if I had to do all over again, a lot of times, I think I would like to be like, to have been an actor, but if I could choose between that and being super famous and what I'm doing now, I definitely would choose this. But I loved the looking at scripts, writing out the backstory, like, how does this person think? You know, no, kind of like, but I was really thinking like, as you create a character, like if this person had five brothers or if they had two sisters and I, there was this TV show that as a child, I was obsessed with. I don't know if you've ever seen it called Quantum Leap. 

Dan Henry (00:08:15): 

Oh, dude. Yes. Are you kidding me with Scott Baula? 

Eli Wilde (00:08:18): 

Yeah. 

Dan Henry (00:08:18): 

Oh yeah. Quantum Leap was the, oh, it was amazing. 

Eli Wilde (00:08:21): 

It would come after my bedtime. I had sneak downstairs and I'd watch this. And we had like a really, I had really kind of challenging childhood, a lot of abuse in a lot of ways. Sexual abuse, like uncomfortable, weird kid. I was voted the quietest kid in high school. So I was really awkward, really weird. Later on in high school, I kind of grew out of some things, but I remember just hating my life, hating my situation, hating myself, hated everything about how I looked, how I sounded. I just had all this fear and anxiety and stress in my life. And I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin. And so I would sneak downstairs and I would watch that show. And it was so real for me. I remember watching it and I'd watch how this person would come and you would become a new person. 

Eli Wilde (00:09:01): 

And I remember going to bed at night for years, and as I'd wake up in the morning. So the, so for, so the, you know, the show Sam would wake up as another person in another reality. He might be like a boxer in the middle of a ring or this black woman who was raped or this thing. And he's like there to right some wrong. And he'd wake up, you know, after the first five minutes of the show, he'd be in this experience and he'd go over to a mirror and he'd see his new face as this other person. And I would wake up in the morning for years. And this is when I really feel like I began to, cultivate my mindset and my imagination because I would lay there I'd feel myself wake up, but I would imagine myself as a different person at a different time. Maybe I had brothers or sisters, or I was seven-foot tall, or I was like a midget or like, how would people perceive me? 

Eli Wilde (00:09:45): 

What would my mindset be? And I'd lay there. And I'd kind of daydream for 20 minutes before I start my day. And it was so real for me when I walked, you know, walked over to the mirror in my bedroom, I open my eyes and I looked at the mirror and I was always surprised to see my own face, cuz it was so real for me, those circumstances. And you know, and Einstein says that imagination is more important than intelligence. And I feel like with my challenging back hood, my challenging childhood, like having these stories and living into these imaginary circumstances that became am real for me is a lot of what leadership is. You have a vision of something that doesn't exist. Like Steve Jobs, they call these people visionaries, cuz they see something so clearly that nobody else can see. And if you can see yourself as that or your situation or people or see the good in people, even when they're being mean, you can, you can see through their mask and you can look in the mirror and see behind your own mask. 

Eli Wilde (00:10:36): 

And I just became fascinated with people in characters, in these shows. And I find that in my real life, everybody's a character everybody's playing a part, everybody's playing a role and we've all got this amazing potential inside of us. But sometimes we have patterns of thought, feeling, behavior that become habitual, that lock us into an identity that maybe we picked up from our parents or from a circumstance and it's no longer serving us. And so how do we play a new role? And so I'm always just fascinated with people how they become who they've become. And I think that's one been one of my superpowers in selling is I'm genuinely curious about people, you know? And I know that even if somebody who's like having a bad day, it's, it's like if somebody's mean that's not who they are, that's who they've become and who they've become has been learned. 

Eli Wilde (00:11:20): 

And they've learned a process of thinking often to protect themselves or their time or something or their ego. And it can lock somebody in, take them in a path where they're no longer fulfilled or they feel like they're really evolving. And I think that's just part of the human condition. And so I'm just always curious about how do we reverse engineer hear that to find the genesis of where this person created a belief about themselves or people of the world that created their model of the world, how they interact with people, everything from their posture to their eye contact, to how they get pleasure or, you know, experience pain. What's really driving some human being. And after a certain amount of time you realize that we're all kind of the same. We're all screwed up. We're all insecure. We're all crazy. And you know, and so I can't feel superior to anybody and I can't feel that anybody superior to me. And I can just connect with this person as a friend, even though they don't wanna be my friend. And so I can just be genuine in that cuz we're all screwed up. 

Dan Henry (00:12:12): 

Well, I'll be your friend Eli. 

Eli Wilde (00:12:14): 

Thank you. I appreciate it man. We are friends. 

Dan Henry (00:12:17): 

So, so yes, yes we are. That's and I love bringing my friends on this show because it's, you know, so much more comfortable sometimes when I, when I really know somebody. And you know, we've talked about this a lot with your journey and you've, I mean, the amount of, if you were to say in dollars, like the amount of cuz you would go out, you would sell like UPWs and stuff for Tony and I mean, plus you did other things, the sheer amount of, of dollars that you've closed from stage is in the millions. Right? What I want to know from you is how did you go from somebody who got an audition to be Superman, and you honestly, you had a shot and you let fear rule your, your ability to pursue that. But then I can't imagine you weren't scared when it came to getting a job with Tony, how did you sort of make that shift where you, the, the fear stopped you from taking action with the Superman role but it didn't stop you from taking action or what did you change to prevent it from stopping you from taking action with getting a job with Tony? 

Eli Wilde (00:13:27): 

You know, it's, it's interesting. Cause I actually learned a lot from the Tony Robbins event and I was really kind of in a funk. I didn't go for the acting thing. And I ended up quitting my job maybe as this dental person. Cause I was really frustrated, just not very happy. And I decided to travel for a bit. I went to Australia, came back and I just became obsessed with everything cuz I was like, and I think we all reach a point where we realize like we've got a standard that's been breached within ourselves and we're tolerating something. And we get to that threshold of a pain, like pain and some people in their relationship. They're like, all right, this has been annoying. And then they're like one day I've had it, I've quit. I'm done. Like I'm over this. And I think that one of the things that these books and these programs and Tony personally inspired in me is to raise my standard as to what I was tolerating within myself. 

Eli Wilde (00:14:11): 

And so I was like, this fear, this nagging this conversation and about myself, about people it's making me play life so small. I think, you know, and for some people it's, it's time, they realize they're, they're getting older. This time is not finite. Like I'm tolerating this about myself and they decide to make a change. Most people don't, it just becomes their pattern, becomes their, the direction their life moves in, and that direction, takes them to a destination and therefore their destiny. And so we gotta really look at the direction that we're going with our diet, our communication with ourselves and others, and really look at how do I make some changes and condition myself to show up more powerfully. And for me that time off work was really great. And I learned a lot about myself, but I started reading all these books and then I got this Tony book and it talked about the emotions, not just the principles. 

Eli Wilde (00:15:00): 

And so it really spoke to me and I saw like, you know, a month later I was walking by this frozen yogurt place I liked. And all this magazine said Learning Annex. It's kinda like Success Resources today, huge seminar company. They're based outta California. They pretty much went out of business cuz it was really poorly run. But it was Tony Robbin speaking, Susie Orman, Donald Trump, a few other people like some famous athletes, Magic Johnson. And it was 97 bucks. And that was still like a lot for me to spend on something I was getting right. I got Tony's book for 90, for 86 cents off eBay or something, plus $4 shipping. Like I just like, I didn't spend money on anything. I was really frugal. And so spending 97 bucks, I was like, okay, I'm gonna do it. 

Eli Wilde (00:15:45): 

It was the most I'd ever spent on anything, self-development period. Like I never spent more than $10 on a book. And I go to this thing and it's kind of cheesy, you know, no money down real estate guy get rich, quick guy, Donald Trump, you know, who is, you know, he was the main thing. But then Tony comes out, hes supposed to speak for two and a half hours, speaks for four. And he is like... 

Dan Henry (00:16:04): 

As, as Tony does. 

Eli Wilde (00:16:05): 

Yeah. And he's like, if you've got anything out of these F'n four hours change, you know, spend four days of me I'll change your, your f’ing life or I give your f’ing money back, step the F up, like go back to the room. I'm just like, he was so certain. And I was, I, you know, I was in the cheap seats and Tony's like 6'7 but he looked about like a dot from so far away. There was about like 30,000 people in the room, but I felt him and I jumping up and down, all the rah-rah stuff that people hate, I was loving it. But I was really locked into a box and I hadn't been like, you know, connecting with people and I think happens to a lot of people. Some people hate it. You're hugging people and you know, hugging strangers and all this. Like this is why 

Dan Henry (00:16:38): 

Yeah, I'm not, I love Tony, but I'm not a fan of that part. I'm just, I'm gonna be transparent. 

Eli Wilde (00:16:43): 

I was loving it though. And at the end, he said go to the back. And it was 900 bucks for a UPW ticket, but it was 800 bucks if you signed up that today, that day. And I usually don't even tell this part of the story. But when I went back there, I saw the salespeople, a bunch of people talking about success. They were hard closing people. They were guys wearing $80 suits wearing $30 shoes, talking about success, and trying to hard close people at this little booth. And I went over there and I, I couldn't sign up, but it was a two-day event. I couldn't sleep that night. Tony said things that just stuck in my mind. And so I signed up the next day and it was one of the hardest things I ever did, but I knew it was like, if I don't do this thing, I am gonna regret it. 

Eli Wilde (00:17:19): 

And he said some things and I was like, I'm just, I'm just gonna do this thing. And so I went to the event, obviously. I, so many things I could tell you so many stories about what happened for me at that event. Things that I learned, things that I distinctions I got from my life, you know, I decided I didn't wanna let it go. So very long story short, I got some names. I called the company over 200 times in a period of less than two weeks. And I eventually get an interview. I drive down there and I'm all like in state, doing incantations the whole way. I'm like screaming in my car. Like I'm just like fired up and I get down there and they, they kind of take the entire staff and they put them there to watch you. 

Eli Wilde (00:17:57): 

So they gave me a 28-page script when I went, when I went down, says, come back in two weeks. Don't F this up. And it was this guy, Lester Favish and the guy Gene McNaughton was the VP of sales. Amazing guy. They said, come back in two weeks, don't mess this up. And when you came back in, I delivered this script and they have people they're kind of messing with you a little bit, looking at their phone, whatever, being bored, to see how it's gonna affect your confidence. But I was like, I was ready. Also I had some acting experience too. 

Dan Henry (00:18:23): 

You did acting confidence. 

Eli Wilde (00:18:25): 

Yeah. I was like, like I looked at this thing and I'm like, I'm gonna own this. You know, it's, it's interesting. I never forget that day being at Tony's company and Tony's so amazing. And I just, I thought if I was part of this world, I'd be drinking green juice all day. Like everybody's talking about affirmations and changing the world, but I went to his company, people outside smoking cigarettes, you know, people were overweight. People were clearly broke and you know, it just, he was very removed from the company. Then he since stepped back in and it's, it's a different environment now, they, they cut a lot of fat. But I was like a little bit disappointed and I was like, I'm gonna take it upon myself to make sure that I raised the standard for this, this company. And there's so much, I'll cut out just, just for brevity's sake. I, when I saw Tony at that first event, UPW I was so blown away by what he said. And he talked about that book Think and Grow Rich. 

Eli Wilde (00:19:15): 

We're talking about thinking, talk about a book to help people with their thinking. That one was a phenomenal book for me, but I realized I hadn't really applied a lot of the principles. And so, on the first day we took a lunch break and I go outside and I'm eating my two cans of Tongol tuna with packets of mayonnaise and mustard cause I was broke, you know, used all my money for this seminar and I'm eating this tuna and inside my backpack was that book Think and Grow Rich, that he had talked about what it had done for him at a very young age. And I open up the book and I reading the first story. It's a story on desire. And it's about Edward C. Barnes, a man living in railway cars in Orange, New Jersey living is a bum, hears about this man who's changing the world with his mind, a guy named Thomas Edison. 

Eli Wilde (00:19:57): 

And so he makes a pact with himself that he's gonna be partners with the great Thomas Edison. And he works and works and works, and there's a whole story there. If you guys wanna read it, it's definitely worth it. And he becomes this partner and I was reminded of that story. I'm sitting there. And I read that story as I'm sitting there on that first lunch break. And I thought to myself, I've been living like a bum. I think of Tony Robbins as this guy who's changing the world with his mind. And I wrote down on my workbook that day, I'm gonna be partners with Tony Robbins. Fast forward a few weeks, I'm working there. Fast forward, maybe eight months, if you asked anybody in the company, who's the best speaker; everybody said, me. I was, I was really good. And I did very well. 

Eli Wilde (00:20:30): 

And so, Tony's son Jairek who used to live here, he's in Puerto Rico now, wanted to join the company, be a speaker. And so Tony said, you need to work your way up. Just like me. Like I did with Jim Ron, do these meetings. It's very tough. It's not easy, but you learn these skills and who you surround yourself with is who you become. So, you need to be around somebody who's always hungry. So, you need to live with a top sales guy who happened to be me. Next thing I know before I know it. I'm living with Tony's son and Jairek was so nice to me. If his father gave him advice, he would let me listen to like these audio clips that his father would tell him, do this, don't do that. Here's how you think. And it was like this is his most sage wisdom and Jairek would let me listen. 

Eli Wilde (00:21:08): 

And some of it would just like bring a tear to my eye and inspire me. And I, if Tony said jump, I said, how high? I applied the next day. And you know, fast forward a year into me working there, Tony wasn't gonna do live events anymore. So, this is 2007, 2008 before the economy like really collapsed. He was segueing of live events. So, we did, we were selling something, called Digital Delivery. We called it TNT Tony not there. So essentially you pay a couple thousand bucks to go to a movie theater and they give you audio programs and coaching and all that. But you go to a movie theater and you're sitting there watching a movie. A movie of Tony and there's coaches and stuff like that. And they facilitate these like hundred person, 200 person events. So it's more hands on, more intimate, but TNT, Tony not there. 

Eli Wilde (00:21:52): 

And so cuz he was segueing out. So that was the future of the company. So he brings us all in, I'm living with Jairek and there's about 30 sales people there. And Tony's doing a full-on two-day training of the future of the company and what it looks like, how we're getting paid, the structure, the standards, everything, he lays it all out. And he's like midsentence as he's writing some things on the board and he turns around and he looks right at me right in the eyes. And he says, I want you to know something very important right now, if you're in this room, you are my partner. And he looks at me right in the eyes, as he says it. And I go home that night and I take out my, my workbook from UPW. It was one year later to the day that I wrote down, I will be partners with Tony Robbins. 

Eli Wilde (00:22:32): 

I was like, holy moly. How cool is that? And so, you know, I was just really all about it and I just lived and breathed all of it. And I figured there's so many mentors out there, but if you're gonna follow somebody, I was like, this is my dude. And I'm like, I'm all about this guy. And so, I, I didn't really read lot of other stuff for the better part of a decade. Like, you know, we talked some about some of his programs. I know that stuff like that. I mean, I just listened to Tony every single day for years. And then I did seminars based on his principal. I averaged two seminars a day for a decade. And so just a lot of reps and I figured like you're supposed to kind of outgrow your mentors, but a lot of the audios that people hear and, and even UPW he created that at 22 years old. 

Eli Wilde (00:23:12): 

And so when I got to know more, there was so much more content and you're supposed to kind of outgrow your mentors, but I mean, this guy's working 15, 16-hour days on stage and then does a whole nother work day off stage, like seven days a week. He's, he's a savage. And so he's really raised the standard for me in every year in my life. And he's, he's become like a second father. It was cool at the Funnel Hacking Live, you know, he's, he's there and... 

Dan Henry (00:23:35): 

Yeah, I saw him come up to you and shake your hand, give you a hug. That was, that was cool. 

Eli Wilde (00:23:39): 

Cause he only acknowledged Russell Brunson and maybe one other person cuz he is in his flow. And I saw him make eye contact with me from the stage and he's like in his flow and he's got like a moment and he comes over and hugs me and you know, in front of everybody, it's just, it was really cool. 

Eli Wilde (00:23:51): 

Cause I've not talked to him for about a year. I still, you know, little bit of text, but we've not like really interacted much. But his brother-in-law part of the reason I'm connected with Tony is because as I live with Jairek, his brother-in-law Scott joined the company and now pretty much runs the company and the three of us were doing stuff all together. Scott's one of my best friends and Scott completely changed my life. My relationship with Tony is only possible because of Scott, because Scott liked me so much and talked to Tony about me and talked to his sister Tony's wife about me. So, Scott Humphrey is, is everybody bit as much of a friend and mentor to me as Tony is. So, Scott really changed my life. So, but the point of that is, you know, it takes a team. 

Eli Wilde (00:24:28): 

And there was a lot of people that supported me in the Tony world that allowed me to get on some of those big stages and make the money. And I I'm super competitive. Anybody that knows me really well, like I love people, but I'm like, I'm always, I always wanna win. And I'll tell them exactly what I'm doing to beat them. But I'm like, I'm still gonna beat you. And I think that's, I think that's good. I, I love that Jim Rohn quote he, I forget what book it's in. It's like one of these audiobooks that he has. He says, we actually learn more like I want you to learn and we actually learn more by losing than by winning. And so, I am willing to give you that opportunity. And so he is always like, I'm, I'm gonna win because he, because he knew the law of averages and he knows that it's just a matter of time. Jim Rohn is pretty savage himself. 

Dan Henry (00:25:12): 

Let me ask you a question because this is something I, I would really like to know from you. Cuz you're one of the most pleasant and positive people I know. And I don't know if you've always been that way, but I I'm glad you said no, because it gives other people like me hope. But I, the moment I knew Tony was the real deal was actually, and I always knew he was the real deal, but the real moment was when I was at FHL at that conference. And I saw the guy's cell phone goes off. It went off because I had heard from some people that, you know, had been around him or been around the organization that years ago, if you were in his organization and he was doing a live show and somebody messed up, right. 

Dan Henry (00:25:57): 

He would get like really, really angry. And I never knew if it was true or not, you know, cuz you know, people, people say shit. Like you don't know if they're lying or whatever and he would get really angry. And I, I understood that as somebody who's an entrepreneur and you know, you want your product to be amazing. You want the people involved to get the best possible experience. And so, you can really take it personally when your, your staff or your team don't perform. You, you like, you get all these things in your head, like they don't care, and this and that and, and, and you, you can freak out. And I was listening to an audiotape. I bought some of his audio tapes and I heard him say I heard him say that like literally admit that on the tape that he used to be really bad about that. 

Dan Henry (00:26:41): 

And then he said like one day he woke up and realized that it was incongruent with his message because he's like, wait a minute. I'm teaching all these people how to be balanced and how to be understanding and how to, you know, be how to influence people. But then I'm like really not doing that with my staff. And so that was his, you know, that was his moment meant to change and, and work on himself in that aspect. And then when I was at this last conference and I saw him, there was a guy right next to him. I don't know if you remember this or not, but there was a guy right next to him in his walkie-talkie went off. 

Eli Wilde (00:27:13): 

Yeah. Right behind him. 

Dan Henry (00:27:14): 

Yeah, he did. He didn't have it muted. Yeah. And I remember thinking, well, here we go. I wonder if he's gonna like blow up at him or whatever. And but no, he turned around to him and he like made a joke about it. He like made it a part of the show and he made it, he made it fun. And I was like, wow. I was like that. And it just, you know, cuz let, let me, let me be real. I'm gonna be real with you. If you ever gone online, cause social media these days, it can be super toxic. Right? Especially if you're an influencer, you do one thing wrong. You say one thing, you have one bad day and everybody just completely crucifies you because they hold you to this insane standard that they don't hold normal people to. And they don't hold themselves to because you're supposed to be an influencer, you're or you're trying to be an influencer. 

Dan Henry (00:27:57): 

Right? And so, you know, to you have all these people out there that will say you shouldn't do, and they'll give you this, this rap sheet, this list of things you shouldn't do. But then they go and they do all of them. Yeah. And, and, and everybody knows what I'm talking about. Right? Like they a hundred percent do, so to see somebody as big as him actually make that change. It, it gives hope because I have never met a single entrepreneur that never got frustrated, had a bad day, made millions of dollars and still one day felt like they hadn't accomplished anything. And that it was all by luck, got pissed off and yelled at their staff. And if anybody, and even if they tell you that they haven't, they're full of shit, their liars. And so my question to you is, you are so balanced, so positive. You have such an amazing disposition. Were you, did you always have that or was that something that, that took massive development and how did that journey go? 

Eli Wilde (00:28:59): 

Definitely. I mean, as I said, voted like the quietest kid in school they put me in classes in middle in elementary school, basically with mentally handicapped kids because I was so, like I probably would've been labeled autistic by today's standards. I was like, like I just couldn't function. I couldn't communicate. And even, even as I got to, like in school, I, I had a big gap, my teeth right here. And so I was really the insecure about my mouth. So I mumbled a lot. I didn't wanna open my mouth. It was very hard to get me to communicate just there was just so much fear in me. So, it's been a constant process, but it's been relationships, it's been working on it, like literally working on myself so much. And you know, for me, one of the things that's, that's driven me and this is,I think something common in very successful people. 

Eli Wilde (00:29:45): 

There's a lot of like repressed anger. And I think Tony at a young age had it Elon Musk. There are certain people, I think what drives them to work so hard is this, this anger is this drive it's like, you know, something's not right. There's like a fuel there. And really like very successful people that work 15, 16, 18, 20 hours a day. There's really, usually only one emotion that, that can keep that kind of energy. It's like a rage that just pushes them. And even they've proven there's a, there's a tightness in the body that produces more ATP. So anger is a, is a fuel, you know, but it can also burn you out. So it can, you know, you can use it or it can use you. And for me, there was a lot of, lot of anger. I've been in like, you know, probably time by the time I was in college, probably been in like a hundred like decent fist fights, like, you know, pretty bad ones. And I would just like, I'd snap all the time. And I took Ritalin for a long time. I was like, I was a mess and a lot of things changed in my life. I don't know if you know, like my story of my mom and kind of what we went through and then how things changed for us? 

Dan Henry (00:30:44): 

I do, I was actually gonna ask you that cause I did look up a bit of that and it was a, it was, it was a rough, it was a rough story to read. You know, I'd love you to explain the first 10 years of your life, because I think a lot of people watching this or listening to this right now may think, wow, this, this guy's amazing. And he, you know, he was able to do all these things. And, and get over his fears and, and, you know, call 200, like who would call 200 times and, and not give up after four, you know, four or five calls? And so I think a lot of people may, may think that people like you are born like that. And I just, I don't believe that's true. I believe they're made. And so I would love for you to describe the first 10 years of your life, because I, I think a lot of people would be shocked to, to see where you came from and then how far you've come. And I think it would inspire them. 

Eli Wilde (00:31:34): 

Well, I'll just, I'll break it down like this. We had just really challenging upbringing. I was born when I was two, my dad got put in a wheelchair from a car accident and we just had, we really struggled. A lot of challenges in the home. My mom just took me, we left when I was probably about five or six, moved all around a lot. She worked at places like McDonald's and so we were not super-wealthy people at all. And she ended up getting a job as a country club. I think when I was around like middle school and I was wearing, I remember after school, I would often she picked me up and I was kind of just hanging out, until she got off work at the country club. And I was wearing the hand-me-down clothes of the wealthy, wealthy kids. 

Eli Wilde (00:32:10): 

So they kind of made fun of me and all of that. But, you know, by the time I got into high school, I started growing out of it a little bit. And I had friends for the first time in my life. Probably my sophomore year of high school is when I started playing football. It was the first time I ever had friends. And I would be, had been really lonely before that finally felt connected. Finally had a sense of meaning, but that year also, my mom had had her worst financial year. We, you know, we lived on like nothing and my, so my friends, they all had more money than us and they knew it and they kind of helped me out if we went to eat somewhere after they'd usually like, buy me the burger or something like that. I just had really great people who are like some of them, like they were like also the, the cool kids, you know? And I'm like kind of hanging out with the cool kids and, you know, and athletes and things like that. 

Eli Wilde (00:32:49): 

And girls are notice gonna be the first time. And I come home this one night, my mom has a talk with me and we're pretty much down to like our last dollars, and she's like, you're gonna have to move with your father. I don't know what I'm gonna do and is kind of a slumber tone. And the, the next day I didn't tell anybody about it, but I, I felt like really, even more fear, more instability in my life. And I just made feeling stress. And I wanted to talk to my best friend about his name, Dave Scarano. And I was telling about what was, you know, specifically what was going on. But I was like, man, I guess I, you know, wanted to reframe my mind as positive. I was like, man, if, if you could drive any car in the world, what would it be? 

Eli Wilde (00:33:25): 

We're just talking about our Dreams were like a Camaro, like a 1992 Camaro, like our dream car. If you could date any girl, what would it be? You know, it's just like talking about our dreams. And my mom comes home from work that night and this woman has been so challenged by life. So beat down, just robbed of all self-confidence and just really just, emotionally distraught almost every night. Like you just put through the wrong, the ringer. Just so just so emotionally exhausted and frustrated and angry and, and, you know, with her own challenges. She comes home this one night as I'm talking to Dave on the phone and she's beaming. She walks upstairs and she's just got this whole radiance about her, the way she, her shoulders, her eye contact her voice so connected. And she looks at me and she goes, Eli, when you get off the phone, I need to talk to you about something. 

Eli Wilde (00:34:13): 

And she smiles and she turns, and she walks out the room. And David's on the phone, he's like, what could it be? What could it be? I was like, I don't know. And maybe it's this, that it was just we bickered back and forth for about two minutes, like, like 13-year-old girls. Like, could it be this or that? And I said, I gotta go downstairs. And I go downstairs. And our living room, dining room and kitchen are pretty much all one room, cuz that's when you're living in a not very nice place, everything is kind of just together like that. And you know, not like a loft, not meant to be that way, you know, by the limited design choices. And my mom's sitting there at our little dining room table and she tells me to sit down and I remember she put her hand on my knee and she just got very emotional and she started talking about her dreams and her challenges and everything that she had hoped for me in her life and all of her dreams. 

Eli Wilde (00:34:59): 

And you know, she's like, and this happened in the had happened and, she's like rambling at this point. And part of me is thinking like, wow, this woman has finally gone in insane. Like, man, I'm gonna have to lock this woman up. I'm like, I don't know what I'm gonna do. 

Dan Henry (00:35:12): 

How old were you at this point? 

Eli Wilde (00:35:14): 

I was right before I turned 16. 

Dan Henry (00:35:17): 

Okay. 

Eli Wilde (00:35:18): 

Yeah. And she, she looks at me right then in my eyes and she goes, my prayers have been answered and it's all because of you. All because you're meant for so, so much more. It's like, what are you talking about? She goes, I just won 7 million in the lottery. You're gonna go to school. I'm gonna go to school. Like, we're gonna do this. And I'm like, what? You know, it's like, so it's such a magical moment. And you know, we hugged and we're crying and, and all these things. And, you know, the other part of it is she gave away most of the money. And so we weren't like, 

Dan Henry (00:35:49): 

Hold, hold up. Back up, back up, back up, back up. So let me get this straight. Let's really back. You're telling me that you grew up in this incredibly challenging environment. You know, your father you were what? Two when he got in a wheelchair? 

Eli Wilde (00:36:08): 

Yep. Yeah. 

Dan Henry (00:36:08): 

Yeah. Two. I mean an incredibly challenging environment, not rich at all. Pretty much a one, one-room house. 

Eli Wilde (00:36:17): 

We had if you went upstairs. We each had our own bedrooms, all that stuff. 

Dan Henry (00:36:20): 

Okay. Well that's yeah, but I mean, you didn't have like a big house or anything. You weren't, you weren't balling and your mom wins the lottery. Not, not like a 1.2 million, like 7 million that's a lot. 

Eli Wilde (00:36:33): 

For us it was like, I mean, might as well have been a billion, and it's like everything. 

Dan Henry (00:36:36): 

But I noticed something. The first thing that she said was, I'm gonna go to school and you're. Not, I'm gonna buy a Rolls Royce. It was, I'm gonna go to school and you're gonna go to school. And then she gave most of the money away? 

Eli Wilde (00:36:47): 

Yep. Yeah. 

Dan Henry (00:36:48): 

Wow. Who'd she give it away to? 

Eli Wilde (00:36:50): 

She used to play a lottery with a lot of friends. And so she still felt obligated to give them money, which was not a smart move. Some of them questionable characters and some of them. And so I think she was even kind of manipulated into that looking back. 

Dan Henry (00:37:05): 

But I mean, even, even to just know where her heart was, like, what kind of... 

Eli Wilde (00:37:08): 

That was the first thing I said to her. I was like, you sure? She's like, well, at least I'll go to heaven. You know. 

Dan Henry (00:37:15): 

You don't sound too excited about it. I'm like, what at sweet woman. And you're like, ehh, yeah. 

Eli Wilde (00:37:20): 

You know, it's like some people I think are givers by default and it's, it's her character. She is that way. But also I think, and you and I have talked about this too. You have all these demands being placed upon you and you gotta take care of yourself. It's like a cheesy analogy. People say, when you have like, when the, you're on the plane and you know, they talk about the air mask going down, you put it on yourself first before your child. 

Dan Henry (00:37:42): 

Right. 

Eli Wilde (00:37:43): 

But mom's definitely somebody who's kind of would martyr herself and do things for others more than herself. She's always been that way. And she's very sweet. She's very sweet. But that's, that's something I learned early. Cause I was that way. I'm a, I'm a chronic people pleaser, do too much. But then I find that when I'd do it, I'd resent those people. 

Eli Wilde (00:38:01): 

I'm angry at those people. I'm frustrated at those people and I'm like, wow, that's trying to be like, who am I actually giving to them for? Am I doing it to buy into this story, like, well, I'm a good person. Or like, how do I even make, make sure, like, we have some clear boundaries in our relationship for each other, you know? It's like, so how do I be responsible for that in a way that's framed in their best interest all the time? How do I deal with this conflict where they have a desire and I do, and maybe I've not been clear. And so I'm always thinking through that, cuz for years I, I do all these things just like she did. And, but I found like I'd get really angry and I'd ruin relationships because of it. And so yeah. 

Dan Henry (00:38:37): 

That's heavy, man. Yeah. That's heavy. 

Eli Wilde (00:38:39): 

Yeah. I, I was almost down a rabbit hole, 

Dan Henry (00:38:41): 

No, no, no. It was good. Yeah. 

Eli Wilde (00:38:42): 

You asked me about like, have I always been this way? I feel like I've made every mistake from like, not even knowing how to talk, having to speak and all of that. Cause I, the first thing I did want though, like for myself, I mentioned, I had this big gap in my teeth and I mumbled so much. So the first thing I wanted financially, I wanted braces. So my senior year of high school, I get braces and I've got braces, like all my pictures and all that stuff. I'm smiling, you know, like, like this, you know, just like I'm always closed mouth. And after I got the braces off, I had pretty nice teeth. I drink way too much coffee now. And I'm not taking care of them. 

Dan Henry (00:39:13): 

Right. Yeah. Me too. 

Eli Wilde (00:39:13): 

And all that stuff. So, or like brown now, but you know, and I just, I'm not, I don't care that much, even though you should care about your teeth. 

Dan Henry (00:39:21): 

I'm gonna, I'm gonna, yeah. I, so, you know, it's funny cuz it's, it's, it's amazing how some people have certain categorical things that they struggle with and other people, it just comes naturally to them. Like I've, I've sort of in a way, had a natural, it's weird. I, I struggle with it sometimes, but I've in a way had always had a easier time, not caring what people think about certain things. Like I have two chips in my teeth and I've got 'em from just, you know, forgetting to put my mouth guard in in jujitsu, just stupid, stupid stuff. And I've, I've got 'em fixed before, but the thing fell out and I just don't like the alternatives of, you know, they have, they have to like grind your teeth down. 

Eli Wilde (00:40:10): 

Yeah. I got chip here and they were like, they have to like grind it down to a nub and put a veneer on there and just like, 

Dan Henry (00:40:15): 

Yeah, yeah, I've got, I've gotten like I've had so many people on like social media, like Dan, please fix your teeth. And I know that they're either they're completely unaware of their rudeness or they're, they're just doing it on purpose. 

Eli Wilde (00:40:30): 

Yeah. 

Dan Henry (00:40:30): 

I almost respect the people that do it on purpose more. 

Eli Wilde (00:40:33): 

Yeah. 

Dan Henry (00:40:33): 

Cuz at least they're doing it with intention and the other ones are doing it of ignorance, but it's never really bothered me, you know? But it, it, I just find it amazing how like that will come naturally to me where I eh whatever, I don't care what they think. But then like something else, like being able to control my frustration over something not getting done right or something is much more challenging. You know? And then other people might be completely and utterly patient with everyone, but then they're crippled by things like imposter syndrome and just what, what people think about them. You know, I just find that fascinating how some of us can really have superpowers in one area, and kryptonite in another. No pun intended. 

Eli Wilde (00:41:18): 

That's, but that's the nature of human beings and we've all got that somewhere. Could be in our relationship with our kids or this person or that, or like we've all got something and that's what makes us human. That's what, that's what makes a superhero human. And that's, that's how we relate to the character. The perfect superhero, nobody wants to watch that movie because they're not relatable. And that's, you know, we're all flawed, which is, you know, which is good and bad and you should have a desire to always better yourself. But you know, it's, I'm always curious, like what drives people. 

Dan Henry (00:41:43): 

And do you think that fork, that core fundamental belief that basically in a nutshell, we're all messed up, is the first thing you have to like realize in order to get through to someone? Because you know, I've realized, especially after just deep, deep studying on leadership and talking to you as well as listen to some Tony stuff, is that when you try to like influence someone and you try to like, or even just connect with someone, if you come in from a place of judgment, it's very difficult to influence them because when someone feels judged and the other thing is like some, I would say some people, it doesn't bother them as much. Like I personally have been able to take advice from people when I feel judged, if I have a very, very, very high amount of respect for them. 

Dan Henry (00:42:34): 

If I don't have a very high amount of respect for them, then no. But you know, I find it fascinating how it really, it really is a predetermined factor on how you can get through to somebody is, is coming. And it's also a skill to not come off as judgmental because sometimes you don't think you're coming off as judgmental, but you really are at least to them. And I think that's a, an art. And how would you say that that really plays not just influence, but even sales. Yeah. You know, I mean, many times have you heard a salesperson just completely like ruin their chances of making a sale because they start judging the person on the phone or they start judging the person they're trying to sell to and basically trying to have an intellectual argument with them rather than trying to get through to them. 

Eli Wilde (00:43:22): 

Yeah. There's about nine months into somebody selling career is usually when they'll hit a slump and, in the book, Spin Selling, they talk about this, Rackman is the guy's last name. It says that people, after they get really good, they'll often hit a massive slump. And it it's usually because they've taken so many of a certain call that they do completely understand the prospect's problems. But because of that, they start making assumptions and their assumptions are actually correct. They're like, oh yeah, it sounds like, hold up, you got this, this and this. So they understand the problem. But the prospect needs to understand that you understand. So, Steven Covey says first seek to understand then to under be understood. But the other part of that is they have to actually understand that you understand. So as we're seeking to understand, like, yeah, yeah, I understand. 

Eli Wilde (00:44:04): 

And we're all wanting to save time. And when I see somebody who's stressed out, especially somebody successful, who's got a lot of stress. What, what driving all stress is fear. And it could fear like this person's thinking a long time, you're literally stealing from my life, my time with my kids and all that pressure builds up. Like I've got all these things and I can't listen to you gibber jabber. Like let's get to it. And sometimes we get short. And so sometimes we need to find creative ways to bypass that where somebody says, okay, well, you know, just humor me for, for one moment. And if I can be humorous and maybe say something a little bit like this and ask for permission, I can begin to bypass a lot of that if the person feels cared for and you know? I'll never forget. 

Eli Wilde (00:44:45): 

I was, cause I've done the same presentation for Tony about 3,400 times. And I'd probably done this thing like 15 or hundred, two thousand is a lot. And you know, it's, I was doing this, this presentation. It was a, in a, like a banquet hall with a bunch of round tables, which is the worst. Because if you've got a seminar, everybody should be kind of looking at you like square tables. Round tables, that means half the audience has, 

Dan Henry (00:45:05): 

Has their back to you. Yeah. 

Eli Wilde (00:45:06): 

And so, I'm doing this thing, I got my whiteboard, I'm talking, I'm in my flow and I'm, you know, I'm, I'm doing the thing and I'm, you know, it's pumping everybody up and I got this energy and everything. And some people just, you know, weren't really engaged with me at all. Which would make me like, now I've learned ways to, I can get everybody to, to tune in. I can change my tonality or I'll say, I'll do these prime. 

Dan Henry (00:45:25): 

Can you give us an example? 

Eli Wilde (00:45:26): 

If there's one thing that you guys get it is this. Here's a million-dollar tip. Guys, what is it? It's a million-dollar tip. You better freaking pay attention to this. So it's like people, whatever, or and we just did this at a seminar. I did a seminar with Chase Hughes, who's a brilliant top negotiator, FBI, you know, military guy, like amazing. Watching people's blink rates and seeing like this someone becomes more suggestible. This, this part of their eye will search to relax. And their breathing rate will change. And sometimes I can just change my tonality. I'm talking in a, like not a monotone, but kind of like the OB One Kenobi, the Sage wisdom type thing, which is really nice to listen to. 

Eli Wilde (00:46:06): 

And then sometimes I can tap into a warrior or the lover where I slow things down. And I did all this search where I would ask people, at what point in my presentation, did you really think you were gonna buy? And it was never the close. They were like, man, it was in the middle when you slowed down, you looked at me and you said that. And I was like, wow, there's these magic moments in sales, and information doesn't change your life experiences do. And if I can provide an experience, a connection with somebody on a deep level where they feel heard and seen, and I can do that. And the words don't even matter that much, but they'll feel an energy. They'll feel this charisma they'll feel this, this care, this concern, this certainty, this belief communicated to them very clear. And I could talk about Disney World. 

Eli Wilde (00:46:45): 

I could talk about Fiji water. I could talk about anything like this, but it becomes dynamic. And when you listen to somebody like a Bill Clinton, like a lot of his stories, he's talking about like opening a jar or yeah, there was this thing. And you know, and it's just, you're captivated listening to this man. And he is talking about nothing. You're like, he's just so warm. And you know, and I talked to you about this, there's the belief. So always thinking like when somebody has amazing results, what are the actions that drove it? So what are they doing? Okay. But what are the decisions they committed to, to drive the actions? What are the thoughts and feelings? So two people can make the same decision, take the same action, still get different results. So what are the thoughts and feelings, the emotion, the energy that's driving their actions? 

Eli Wilde (00:47:24): 

And so everything we do or don't do we do for desire to gain pleasure, avoid pain. So is this pleasurable? Is this painful? Well that's depending upon a belief system, what do I believe? What does this mean? You know, and I love that book, Man Search for Meaning. Human beings are meaning making machines. So nothing has any meaning except for the meaning that we give it. And so if somebody's being challenging, do I make it mean they're being rude to me? If somebody's being challenging in my seminar, does it, does it make it mean like about myself? Am I boring? Am I stupid? Do they not like me? These are disempowering meanings. So I wouldn't, I wouldn't invest my energy in it. I can always reframe, well, this just means I need to change some things. This means I get to have some fun. This means something in the moment that I can play with. 

Eli Wilde (00:48:04): 

So I've established the belief system about people, myself, the life, the moment that empowers me to keep on going and figure some things out. And I get playful and curious in that moment. And I use my imagination and I unpack it. And because I've got this belief, this feeling of certainty, and this is another Tonyism when two people meet the person's more certain will influence the other person. And I know why I'm there. I did an event couple years ago with Jordan Belfort and people were like, are you, and it was like thousands, you know, maybe 1100 people. And people were like, are you, are you scared? And I was like, and I thought for a moment, I was so prepared. I was like, they were like, are you scared? I thought for a second, I was like, oh no. I said, if anybody's scared, they should be scared. 

Eli Wilde (00:48:44): 

I'm the only one in the freaking room that knows what's gonna be talked about. I'm the only one in the entire room that knows what's gonna happen. They, if anybody should be uncertain, it's them. And I remember like legitimately thinking that, and I was excited, I was like really excited. And it was one of the first times I was on stage with a, with a big name like that. And I wanted, you know, also me being very competitive. I wanted to really own that, that audience than I did. And people came up to were like, man, I much rather, and Jordan's amazing. But next to me and him, it was like, he didn't stand a chance. And I was like, wow, here's, here's where I get. But for him also, I was engaged. It was, he'd done it like a thousand times. And for me, I'm like hungry and, and going at. 

Eli Wilde (00:49:21): 

So I've got more to prove at the same time. So I was more prepared. But you know, it's just, it's just that drive in the moment that belief about what it is. And as I was alluding to it's this belief about people in the moment, this empowering model of the world that I've worked on and created and conditioned, and definitely messed up on. And so I've reviewed my own performance many times to say, okay, you know, what, what created that, that tension in the moment? And listening to my own calls, other people's calls cuz we can't just be woo with this, like getting to the science and I shared with you the, the Triad of Tony? 

Dan Henry (00:49:52): 

Yeah, yeah, you did. Yes. Focus, language and... 

Eli Wilde (00:49:55): 

Focus, language and meaning and then physiology. 

Dan Henry (00:49:59): 

Right. That's right. 

Eli Wilde (00:50:00): 

And so that's why in sales, like even my own presentation or whatever, I could hear somebody else's call and they get an objection or they, and I could tell they usually missed some key moment earlier on where they didn't probe deep enough which created the uncertainty on it. 

Eli Wilde (00:50:14): 

So I'm like, that's where you missed the call. But also people were like, well, how do I deal with that objection at the end? And I could say, here's how I would do it. Here's what I would say. Here's something I might say and I'd teach somebody the exact words and they'd use the same words and they wouldn't be able to turn it around in a situation where I could with the same words. So I was like, maybe it's not the words. Maybe it's this energy. And if I give somebody the same words, they use my words. But because of the meaning they attached to that person, themselves, or whatever they, the meaning and their focus going self-conscious, disempowering, meaning they use the words, but there's a slight tension in their throat. Or you know, this, this, this, this tenseness and they say the same words, but with fear and frustration and hesitation in their voice and the person doesn't respond to the words, they respond to the energy, the emotion, the energy in motion. 

Eli Wilde (00:51:06): 

So their responding energetically to your state. And so to be in a state, so I think of myself, you know, if you look at like a Tony or Michael Jordan or any peak performer, like they're in this, this state of like; it's like. 

Dan Henry (00:51:19): 

Like psyched up? 

Eli Wilde (00:51:21): 

It's, you know, I wouldn't say it's like, there's a calm. It's like this they're present, fully present, but also anticipating anything. So the analogy we always give, if you were driving like a Bugatti 200 miles an hour, if you're driving like a million dollar car and you're going 200 miles an hour, you have to be, you can't be looking at your phone. You're like fully present, but also not just in the moment you have to anticipate things that could go wrong and you're excited. Like what if a dog comes out, I'm going like you're fully engaged. 

Eli Wilde (00:51:50): 

And so there's this presence. And when you watch  Bill Clinton speak, he's so present. He's so, so there. And the two things I always say to people is when you're communicating with somebody, one on one could be with your mom or whatever. And my mom frustrates me a lot of times. She's rambling about stuff and I'm like, you know, and so I, I, you know, will feel myself get frustrated too, but I was like, how can I be more present right now? If I do something I, you know, I'm clear in my schedule when I do go at that time. But I wanna, my outcome is to make her feel heard and seen, not just there for my own needs. And so you know, some of these principles have really helped me expand my vision. Like what is this trying to teach me? 

Eli Wilde (00:52:27): 

How can I be more of this despite of this? How do I actually enjoy the process? And  I've worked, I was talking to my mom on the way here. So there's always that, but the two things that I'd said to you on one of our calls that I think is the belief. So there's the results come from actions and decisions, thoughts, feelings, but there's a belief system that drives all of that. And so when Bill Clinton speaks, his belief is what I'm saying is the most important thing in the world. And you, you listening, you are the most important person that could be hearing this. And so this is a sincerity, there's a warmth, there's a presence. And I believe this, you know, and this is a Jim Rohnism that you should live your life as a public figure. And I know that even if I'm harsh to somebody, a thousand other people might see me being harsh and that might turn somebody off or somebody could see how I handled that. 

Eli Wilde (00:53:19): 

And this is why I got into a lot of other seminar rooms that other people didn't, somebody came and saw a talk or Tony had, had heard, seen, heard about me going into a company where one of his friends worked there and somebody challenged me or somebody was a jerk to me or somebody there was like some. And they saw how I dealt with the situation and the energy. And so got back to Tony, got back to a lot of other people. They're like, man, this guy, he did this thing. He, he really showed up and he didn't, he could have been made somebody feel like really small, but he didn't. And so there's a belief about these people, belief about learning a belief about how I can be. And as Jim Rohn said, live your life like a public figure, somebody's watching. And it might be a kid. 

Eli Wilde (00:53:57): 

It might be somebody. And then they learn from me because I am maybe for many of them, the first motivational speaker they've ever seen. And I'm a representation of a brand called Tony Robbins. And I love this man. I love self-development. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. Like what it has done for me, all these books, all this information, but one bad experience for somebody where they see me acting like a jerk. They're like now the first person, like most of us can think of our first time we made love. Or first time we drove a car, like the first novel experience stays with you. The first cut is the deepest as the song goes. And so, right. The first experience you have, I might taint somebody's experience of self-development and they might never go to that seminar. 

Eli Wilde (00:54:32): 

They might never read that book. And there's so many books out there today. Like your book's great. But I read a lot of books where it's just like, it's just like somebody, somebody told them they should write a book. And they're like, oh, I'm doing this for my marketing and you, and now I'm like, this is a really shitty book. People have been telling me for years to write a book. So I'm actually writing one now. Cause I like now, I've got something where I know I can write a really special book, but I don't wanna write a, a book in a weekend and you know, have somebody record me. And then, you know, it's like, I wanna write a book. You know, it's like, I want this to be part of my legacy. And so I'll take the time. You know, anything that is value, takes time, energy, and attention. Like you have a two and a $200 dollar suit or a $2,000 suit, time, energy intention, and not might not look the same, but you can feel there's something different about this, even though it's the same material, there's something there. And if we put time, energy, and attention to our communication with ourselves and others, with ourselves in journaling and meditation and thought. Reviewing our own thoughts, time, energy, and attention, to our thoughts about other people and ourselves in the world, and really treat that with care. It becomes quality communication and the quality of our life comes down to the quality of our communication. And so to be a quality person, I think it's about quality communication. So I think it's super important. 

Dan Henry (00:55:39): 

Wow. That was fricking amazing. Wow. Thanks man. Thanks. I mean, if you think about it, all major wars came really came down to a miscommunication. Most marriages that fall apart come down to communication or miscommunication. So saying that communication is the most important thing. I mean, I can't, I don't think you can dispute that, you know? 

Eli Wilde (00:55:59): 

Everything's communication. 

Dan Henry (00:56:00): 

Cause it all flows from there, you know? So let me ask, let's do some rapid-fire questions. 

Eli Wilde (00:56:06): 

I did. I did wanna share this one thing. And so, and I know I'd shared this with you when we talked, one of the things that really anchored me. So I, you know, very long story short, I came back to work for Tony's company. I, I did get into acting. After a few years of Tony's company, I left, I decided to get back into acting and I followed this one man's career, Greg Plitt, who was like a fitness model guy. And we were born around the same, like three, four, four days apart. And you know, a little bit of friends, but I kind of modeled his career and I ended up booking this, this job that put like a billboard of me in times square. And you know, I was acting a bit and all these amazing things happened. But then I got really sick. 

Eli Wilde (00:56:40): 

Tony helped me out. I came back to work for his company. And you know, in that time I was booking all these acting gigs. I, I did have the confidence in the communication. I felt like I could book anything. And when I came back to Tony's company, though, we had this, like this three-hour kind of intervention and he edified me so hard said, I was like, what the company's all about? He's like, if you wanna know what our company stands for, it's this FN man right here, Eli stand up, everybody look at this, man, what are the qualities of this man? Everybody's like, he's authentic. He's this, he's that, he just bombarded me. And he gave me a standard to live up to. He held me to a higher standard. And so just like we talk about with the seven steps of creating lasting change, he conditioned me and he made it ecologically sound where my environment supported this new identity. 

Dan Henry (00:57:17): 

So you had to be that way. 

Eli Wilde (00:57:18): 

I had to be that way. And he, and he put me in a position of leadership where other people were depending on me to be that way. 

Dan Henry (00:57:23): 

Was that leverage? 

Eli Wilde (00:57:24): 

Of course, that's leverage. Yeah. And he, he did it based on my needs for significance. So he's using he's, you know, he is a pretty smart guy. You know, it's not his first rodeo. And I, I realized what he had done. But in that conversation, in this interaction, because you had asked about the judgment and not being able to influence them if they, they feel judged, in that dialogue, in that conversation, he said something to all of us, not just to me, but he said this and I recorded what he said. And I know I mentioned this to you, but I recorded what he said. 

Eli Wilde (00:57:53): 

I transcribed it. It was like a 90-second thing. And it was so powerful for me as to what it means to influence, what it means to sell, what it means to connect with somebody deeply enough where they, they trust me enough to make a personal recommendation with their livelihood and their life. Like, that's a big freaking deal. I wanna be prepared for that. But he said, this, this one thing, and I thought it was so powerful. I wrote it down and I read this, this one thing that he said to me out loud before all my presentations for years. And this is part of the reason I stood out because I had an anchor just like you, you minded. Sometimes you need, maybe you get a tattoo or like a whistle or like a trinket to remind you of something of how you wanna be or remind it's like a symbol of something for you. 

Eli Wilde (00:58:33): 

And he said, this one thing was so powerful. So I wrote it down and I said it before all my talks. And this one thing that I said I know has made me extras of millions of dollars and helped thousands of people because of this one statement about influence. Would you all like to hear what this is? 

Dan Henry (00:58:48): 

I would, I would like to freaking hear it. Yeah. Hit me with it. 

Eli Wilde (00:58:51): 

This is what he said. He said to influence someone, you must not only understand them. He says, in order to influence somebody, you must connect to this person. You must not only understand them intellectually. You must understand and appreciate. You must connect to their needs, their wants, their desires, their fears. You gotta step into their world without buying into their story. That's the unique balance to buy into somebody's, to, to buy into somebody's world, to step into their world and appreciate, but not buy into their limitations. 

Eli Wilde (00:59:21): 

They've already done that to themselves. The added value you offer representing me and our partnership with these potential clients and customers is that we don't buy into their limitations. I don't buy into the limitation of how f’ing long they can go without food, how late they can stay up how hard they can clap or what they can feel. And because I don't buy into those limitations and because they feel that I care, I can influence them. And I was like, that is it right there to step into somebody's world and appreciate have empathy, but not buy into their limitation. It says; they must feel that we understand them and appreciate them. Not understand and judge them, you can't influence somebody if they feel judged by you. And so to understand and appreciate them. And also, there's kind of the spiritual realm is this realm is, this is like, if something's triggering us, like the world is a mirror like we're, maybe we see something inadequate, inadequate in a person. 

Eli Wilde (01:00:10): 

And we're frustrated cuz maybe it's something with ourselves we've not dealt with or made peace with. And so I'm looking at this person like, like why is, why is this person keep on showing up this one annoying person and that body and that person's body and that person's body like all these annoying, why am I like, why am I experiencing this? And this is also a common, you know, not, you know, it's kind of a Tonyism, but it's like the quality of your life comes down to these, the quality of your emotional states. You could be a billionaire and be, billionaires have killed themself in the last few years. 

Dan Henry (01:00:39): 

Yeah. 

Eli Wilde (01:00:39): 

And so it's like, we think.. 

Dan Henry (01:00:41): 

It's hard man. I think it's hard for everybody. People only think it's hard for people when they're on their way up, but it's hard when you get there too. 

Eli Wilde (01:00:49): 

And I think, you know, we there's this classic self-development phrase, Be Do Have, in order for you to have something, which is your goals. What do you have to do? Your habits and rituals. Your habits and rituals, what you do daily or what support your goals? Like if you have a fitness goal, what are your diet, exercise, sleep habits that support your goal, support your wealth, your relationship, your, your health, your finances. Their habits and rituals. But two people can have the same habits and the same goals get very different results, right? Because it's all in the context of who you be and who you are is composed upon your values. What do you value? A lot of people say they want success, but they actually value comfort. So they don't value. Cuz they, you pay attention to it. 

Eli Wilde (01:01:27): 

You nurture it. Like this is part of yourself, your values and most people's values are in conflict, out of alignment. So they're kind of two steps forward, you know, three steps back and they're living in limbo. And so people gotta get really clear about what's driving them, what's the target. And so something like money, for example. Money is a value or success. Money is a means to an end. So some people think they're gonna get money. Well, that's not, that's not an end. It's a means to an end, you use money for something. Money cannot be the target. And some people make fame, the target or money, the target, that's not, it's a means to an end. And so some people, when I ask them what they want, like they're not even clear. They don't even know what a goal is. And when I do goal sitting with people, I'm like, Hey, what are your goals? Their like, oh, I wanna go to the gym more. 

Eli Wilde (01:02:07): 

I'm like, that's not a goal. That's a habit. Like, well, you know, what's a goal? You know, I say a goal, like imagine like this game of life say that there's a soccer field or a basketball field. And you just, you know, you're not keeping score. You don't have targets. You don't have competition. You don't have any of that. Like if you're watching, say a soccer game or a basketball game without a goal, you just have a bunch of people running around in the court, doing nothing with no clear goal, nobody's gonna pay you money for that. Nobody's gonna pay money to people who can't consistently hit goals, put it into hoop, put it in the net. So what's the goal you're shooting for? And I always tell this, this story about Michael Jordan being coached by Tony Robbins. And there's this, this kind of funny moment where Tony asked Michael like, like how many points do you wanna average? 

Eli Wilde (01:02:49): 

How many games? And Michael's like, well, as many as possible. And Tony says, well, if I gave you this basketball, could you put in the hoop? He's like, yeah, sure. Okay. Why? Because it's right there and this is my thing. So I, okay. Well, if I put a blindfold on you and spun you around in a circle, then could you put in hoop? He says, of course not. Why? Because I wouldn't be able to see what I'm shooting for. So like what are you shooting for specifically? Like what is the vision for your life that you're shooting for and what you're gonna put time, energy and attention into that. It's a means to an end, but a lot of people have set up the game of life to have this moving target. They're changing their goal all the time. They're not clear about why they want it. 

Eli Wilde (01:03:22): 

You know, there's no clear purpose to push them through all the challenging times. So you need a vision bigger than yourself. You need a hunger more than anybody else. And then you use the strategies. Most people are just collecting strategies that they're collect. It's like shelf development instead of self-development. They've got all these ideas. They can regurgitate and get, make it to a free lead magnet on Facebook or this or strategy strategies and people just downloading free webinars and PDFs and collecting information, studying, studying, studying but not training. Training means you do something over and over again, over and over again, over and over again, you can do it in your sleep. Sales, business, communication, it just becomes part of who you are like intertwined into your identity. And most people are just collecting data. And Stephen Pressfield says this, most people, instead of going deep, they're like, like a mud puddle, an inch deep and two miles wide. Or like there's no depth, 

Dan Henry (01:04:09): 

But how do you decide where to go deep? How do you decide on that goal? 

Eli Wilde (01:04:13): 

You commit to one path for a long time. And that's why when I found Tony, I was like, I'm all in. Like, this is, this is gonna be my path. And I, and at 27 years old, I was like, I've got to threshold. Like this is gonna be my life. And I saw people, even in my own family, I saw other people that were my friends, 35, 45. And I'm like, is that gonna be my life? I'm, I'm moving in that direction quickly. And a lot of people thought I had a lot of potential, but they're like, yeah, you're just kind of scattered. And I was very scattered and I was like, I'm just gonna force self. And you know, just stay in this one path for a long time. 

Eli Wilde (01:04:44): 

And it's hard, it's hard. And you're gonna have doubts. Maybe I shouldn't do this or I should do that. Or maybe I should doing this. And people jump around. Some people, even that are entrepreneurs, they change their offer every few months. Or they got this other bell whistle. E-Com, crypto funnel building expert jam. I'm like, what a mess? What a, what a mess. You know, it's like, you're a mess. You know, it is that because their, their, their end is to be famous or to have money. So they've not taken enough time, energy, attention with themselves to find out what they even want. And you know, that's the deeper work and it seems meaningless at first. Well, how is that making me money? It's not, but it's, it's kind of everything. It's what drives all of your behavior. It's the, you know, you got this beautiful car, but a, you know, a shitty engine, you know, and you got this beautiful Ferrari, but there's, there's no gas in the tank. There's no, you know, everything is rusty on the inside. It's, it's, they've taken a, you know, a beautiful shell of like a, you know, a car, but they put it in like a Nissan Centra, you know, body, you know, and they just put the shell on top, you know, like one of these kit cars, it looks nice. And then when you open it up and it's time to perform it breaks down. And so, we gotta focus on what's on the inside. 

Dan Henry (01:05:54): 

Dude, you should have tried out for like a Quintin Tarantino movie and did, because I could see you with this 15 minute monologue in like a Tarantino film, cuz you're just so you just, you just flow so smooth. You don't, you don't even say um. Like, you just go. That's amazing. That's amazing, dude. That was there's so much there. I want to unpack, like I was taking mental notes of some of the stuff you said. I  wanna go into a few of those things, especially when it comes to like sales and there's a few things you mentioned that I think would be very valuable for people to hear, especially if anybody listening is trying to sell anything. Let me ask you a question. Brandon, are we, I see you've been killing that lit of water there. Everybody asks if there's a bathroom break on this show and 

Eli Wilde (01:06:42): 

I went right before I came here, I ate a nice cafe. Right up the street, Mickey's. 

Dan Henry (01:06:46): 

Oh, Mickey's is great. It's right. Yes. Right? Yeah. That's fantastic. It's fantastic. I gotta see if I can get Brandon to maybe put like  a we'll be back screen up or something so we can take like a two-minute bathroom break. I don't know if that's possible, especially if I throw it at him on, on the, on the fly, but. 

Brandon (01:07:03): 

I could make sure it's on the next show, but. 

Dan Henry (01:07:05): 

So, so here let's do this. I wanna, I wanna jump into some of the stuff that you said, but like rapid fire, like soundbite stuff, because I think it would be valuable to really have some of the stuff out there. Because you know, a lot of people teach sales, but like, you seem to go way, way, way in the back, nether regions of the brain and the mind where it really matters. You know, like anybody can sit there and say, oh, when, when, when someone says this, say that. But why are you saying that? You know, so one thing I noticed that you said was appreciate without buying into their, to their BS basically. Yeah. And so, like one example, if you're on a sales call and or in any kind of sales situation, and somebody says, well, I don't have time, right? 

Dan Henry (01:07:52): 

Like, are you saying you can appreciate how they feel about that without buying into the facts that they actually don't have time. Cause let's face facts, virtually every person that ever said, I don't have time on a sales call, it's been a limiting belief. You know, I mean, we, if we really want something and when I say a sales call, I'm talking about, if it's something they really want, they need, and it will really enrich their lives. I'm not talking about a car or something. But you know, the idea that, you know, losing weight or whatever it is, I don't have time achieving your dreams I don't have time. Working on your business, working on yourself, I don't have time. Things that you really want you make time for. Are you saying that you want to appreciate how they feel and what's driving them to feel that way without buying into that actual literal excuse? 

Eli Wilde (01:08:42): 

Yeah. It's so there's a few different types of belief, or I guess you could say objections, so a smoke screen, like a condition response. It just, what they always say, which is that one allotment for, for time, cuz they've obviously taken time to book the call. 

Dan Henry (01:08:55): 

Right. And so it's you have time to get the phone. So 

Eli Wilde (01:08:57): 

Yeah. So in that circumstance, usually I'll just brush right past it or I might work on it and reframe the belief, but you know, it's either you know, it could be logistical. Like that would be a logistical. If we took it for face value, it's logistical. I logistically don't have time. This is my schedule. And so we could work well, you know, if I could show owe you a way that you could do this and that and move things around, like, is it, is it logistical or I need more time to think about it is logistical, but 80, 90% of the time when people say any objection, it is uncertainty based. And so the definition of a belief is a feeling of certainty. And so if somebody says an objection, what they're saying is I feel uncertain in you. I feel uncertain in myself. 

Eli Wilde (01:09:34): 

I feel uncertain in your process. It's just them saying, I'm not certain in what you said. And 99% of the time when somebody gets in an objection, it's because we didn't address that ahead of time. And we didn't hear. So how I, how I, how I handle it personally, I teach a lot and we give people basic frameworks that can handle probably 70% of those objections based on and things they do upfront. And some things inside of the close that are very tactical. And I can, I can demonstrate some of those, but the way that I ultimately do it. And when I'm dealing with somebody on a really advanced level, I can hear some of that, some of their insecurities and their doubts. And even if somebody says they want to buy this program for more money, I know that's a means to an end. 

Eli Wilde (01:10:15): 

So I'm really understanding what is actually driving. And I'm generally curious, 

Dan Henry (01:10:18): 

What are they gonna do with the money? 

Eli Wilde (01:10:20): 

You know, or it's just like, why is that, why is that important to you now? You know? Okay. And what, what might that do for you do you think? Okay, just to help me understand when you said this, is it more this? Or would you say it's more that, okay. Well, why though? And I'm a bit skeptical in my tone, which as, okay. Why, why? Or I'm like, and that's part of the reason I think you've been so successful, there's like a natural skepticism kind of like, don't give me the BS type, type thing. And it makes people like, all right, this is a no BS kind of guy, you know? And so that's, that's the thing. So it sends a message out subconsciously and you do protect your time and you are worth your time. And you're like, look like I generally, this isn't a sales technique. Like, Hey, I, I don't got time to deal with. You're like, I literally don't have time make a decision, like right now. And that's kind of in the subtext of your tonality, which can serve you, you know? In certain ways, you know, some other ways, maybe not if we do it everywhere, but you know, 

Dan Henry (01:11:05): 

Well, I've had that happen on, on calls where I'll be like, you know, I'll say like, you know, let's say you were to become successful. Let's say you were to make all this money, what have you. You know, what would you do with it? What what's, you don't just wanna stare at the money and, and stare, have it stare back at you. You wanna do something cuz I, I like to understand, are they doing it because they're, mother's sick and they, they wanna pay for treatment. Are they doing it because they want a new house because they've been living in a small one for years? And, and, and then, okay, yeah, I want a bigger house. Well, what's driving you to want a bigger house? Well, it could be a lot of things. It could be a new baby. It could be the fact that maybe they've been promising their wife, a larger house for years and they haven't pulled through. 

Dan Henry (01:11:43): 

And so it really isn't even the house, it's a conflict in their marriage. Like it goes so much deeper than I wanna make money. And I think when you truly understand that you can connect with some on a sales call or in a sales situation a lot better because to me, you mentioned belief, right? You mentioned you have to have a belief. My belief, when I get on a call is that my product is the best in the world. And if this person were to be exposed to that product and, and use that product, it would enrich their life more than anything that they've ever done. So it is my duty to conduct myself in the most efficient way and get through to that person so that they buy, because I would be doing them far more of a disservice to not sell them this than to let them off the call. 

Dan Henry (01:12:30): 

And part of that is me spending years, perfecting my product and making sure it's amazing. And that's any product that I make. I, I try to make it, I, my rule is this. If, if I cannot, when I'm done with a product, when I'm done with a, a coaching program, anything, right? Right down to a physical planner, whatever it is, it, I have to be able to say to myself, it is more painful to let this person go without this product than it is to take their money and sell them this product. It has to be that good. And in my mind, that's what I'm thinking when I'm on a call. And you know, I mean, I believe that, that, that underlying principle and that underlying belief has to be there. And if it's not there, then go out there and make, make that happen, make your product. You know, you can't just commit to being good at sales and have a product. You have to commit to both. 

Eli Wilde (01:13:22): 

That gives you the certainty. And also, that is the most basic principle ever, but people have a desire to go towards pleasure and away from pain. And if somebody says no to your product, it's cuz they associate more pain to buying than not buying. If somebody says, yes, they associate pleasure to buying than to not buying it. So sometimes we think like what's the fancy objection handle. And it's like what they're saying? Like sometimes if they, if they don't call you back and it was on the schedule, well, somewhere they associated more pain to talking to you than not talking to you. You know, it's more pleasurable for them to do whatever. And so like, we just gotta understand what's driving this person. What does that mean? And we can do some things with language and questions to change their associations. Where or somebody like you know, I'm kind of thinking about this. 

Eli Wilde (01:14:01): 

Okay, well, hold on. I, I'm not even sure that that this would be good for you, but I, I have to ask what's gonna happen for you if, if nothing changes? I mean, do you, do you want that? Or, or do you actually want to start doing something else? Well, I guess I want to start doing something. Well, hold on. Why though? Well, I guess I'd be outta this and this and this. And how long have you wanted that? All right. I mean, tell me like, why now? Why, why not continue to put this off? Cuz you can put this off indefinitely there's but there's gonna be a day where it becomes harder and or in what I see in are patterns now it's like a habit. And if you don't do something to change this way of thinking, if you don't do something that changes about this now and reinforce that habit for another 2, 3, 5 years, you don't think it'll, do you think it'll be easier to change in the future or do you think it actually be harder to change? 

Eli Wilde (01:14:47): 

Okay. So what we're talking about here, John, Dick, Tom, Harry, you know what we're talking about here are consistent routines and habitual ways of running your business that can make you very, very successful. And in business that we can teach you those. There are patterns, there are things that you can do to become very, very successful, but there are also patterns that make people stuck. There are patterns that lead people to have a very challenging life. I see some of those patterns in you and I'd like to help you break them right now. If you'll let me. 

Dan Henry (01:15:19): 

Dude, that's awesome. 

Eli Wilde (01:15:21): 

So I've said something like that, hundreds of times. So I, what I'm doing is we've talked about, oh, there's this, you know, money, funnels. I said, well, there's patterns. So, I'm anchoring it to it's a pattern, a system. 

Eli Wilde (01:15:31): 

And so, so as a, as a business owner, not operator it's about creating systems and another word for systems or kind of habits are these patterns. These patterns, and really making sure like successful business has a different pattern, unsuccessful business, different pattern, successful person, thought patterns, there's patterns. And so, what we're here to talk about is some of your patterns. And so in my Tony talk, I anchored everything to our success comes down to our patterns and I say, audience, what is another word for patterns? They're our habits. What is a habit? Something you do over and over again, something you do over and over again. And so I'd get 'em and I'd say, who here has good habits put 'em up? You know? And some people would raise their hand. I'd say, you know, we all have good habits who you are as good habits, put 'em up and then say some of you didn't raise your hand. 

Eli Wilde (01:16:16): 

Some of you have a habit of being pretty hard on yourself. Some of you have a habit of not giving yourself any credit. Who brushed your teeth this morning, raise your hand. Actually, you would've lied about that. So I can't even ask you, but let me ask you this honest question, please be honest. Who has some bad habits put 'em up nice and high. Two hands, go up. Thank you for your honesty. We've all got some habit or some pattern that we like to improve. Doesn't matter if you're a billionaire. Why do billionaires get coached by Tony? Because they, we all realize somewhere deep down that no matter where you're at, you all have a next level. All of us do. That's what makes us feel like we're alive. If a plant's not growing, what is it doing? It's dying. And right now, I'm not saying that you're dying physically, even though we are, you know, we're not gonna be here, but maybe it's in your health, your relationship, maybe it's in your business. 

Eli Wilde (01:16:58): 

Maybe you realize there's a next level and maybe you were not growing. But you think about the first time you kissed somebody or drove a car, there was an aliveness inside of you. And I'm sure you've got some of that, but it would it be okay if I shared with you a process, how you can get even more out of that right now today, if you're up for it, say aye. And so I'm getting buy in over and over again. And I'm getting people to realize there's a gap between where they are, where they wanna be. There's something stopping them. We're gonna change it today. And I say, look, even if you're already very successful, can you agree there's a next level? And maybe you can think about the first time you kissed somebody or drove a car. There was an aliveness inside of you, a feeling of growth and progress. 

Eli Wilde (01:17:30): 

And I'm sure you have some of that, but would it be okay, with your permission, if I share it with you a process on how you can get even more of that in your life, are you up for it? Are you sure? And so I'm, I'm framing people constantly. And you know, we, I just did this seminar over the weekend with Chase and I was talking to my buddy Marcel on the way here. Amazing. He's 23 years old, amazing hypnotist. A lot of it's in your confidence, in your pre-frame. And your confidence, and so confidence, people don't a lot of people don't really know what confidence is. They think what's, you know, this car, this house, this thing. Confidence comes down to and, and you know, Chases definition, and really the real definition it's been bastardized, but confidence comes from a feeling of safety. 

Eli Wilde (01:18:11): 

Like I feel safe in this conversation. And so when I can hear in somebody's tonality, somebody objects, their, their tonality changes, they get stressed in all this stuff. They, they make it mean something, but it's like, Hey it's okay. And so there's a certainty. There's a warmth that puts some like Bill Clinton. It's like, ah, it's okay. It he's the, these elements of charisma there's gratitude in the moment appreciation there's a care for their appearance. There's a tonality, a warmth and an enjoyment, you know, that makes somebody really interesting to connect with. And when you can put somebody's nervous system at ease, they actually have different, you know, emotions like, and thought it's going to their brain. But a lot of times that resistance comes cuz somebody doesn't feel safe. And you know, one of the things that I'll do with some of my, my clients, I, I hypnotize them now and I'll get them to think of times in their life. 

Eli Wilde (01:19:02): 

They felt really safe. Maybe it was, you know, being hugged by their grandfather, you know being in this place where they felt totally safe, you feel totally confident, which are embedded commands. By the way you think about a time you feel totally safe. You feel totally connected just like that time before you begin to feel those feelings right now and you amplify them. Like, what would it be like? And so their mind starts to go there if they feel safe with me. And I think whether I'm hypnotizing somebody or leading somebody or selling somebody, I've gotta make them feel safe with me, you know, but also a bit of uncertainty. So you know, kind of in this matrix that that Chase teaches really well is, is about authority and about novelty. And so if I can make somebody more suggestible, more compliant with my tone and they see that I'm an authority, not by me over posturing, listen to me, but they can see I'm their nervous system. 

Eli Wilde (01:19:55): 

So we all have our conscious mind, like everybody's listening to right now has my, their conscious mind, but your mammalian brain and your reptilian brain responds to the animal. And if you're resistant to me and you're challenging me and you're doing all these things, but I'm still, it's like, you're a, you know, like a, a six-inch little, you know, animal like a squirrel. And I'm like a 600-pound gorilla. And it's just like, I'm unaffected. And it's like this, this calmness. And it's like, it's okay. Like totally fine resolve. I can, I, I can genuinely, this isn't a sales thing, but I can like genuinely appreciate where that's coming from. Totally fine. And not anything, is it, is it just nerves? Not a big deal. And so there's also something we do that we've been teaching this year. So a lot of, lot of these scripts and everything are question-based sales. And, and the, you know, intelligence agencies teach that in order to get sensitive information outta somebody, the worst way to get sensitive information outta somebody is by asking questions cause they'll put up a wall often. And so we have a way of eliciting sensitive information without asking questions and it makes people open up 

Dan Henry (01:21:09): 

Well that, now that right there, that sounds like something. I was actually gonna ask you, I got four questions I want to ask you. 

Eli Wilde (01:21:14): 

Yeah. And you said rapid firing. 

Dan Henry (01:21:16): 

Yeah. But now I gotta have to have five because that was, I want to know the, without questions methods. I'm gonna write that down without questions method. So here I got four questions I want to ask you. And I wanna like I said, just rapid-fire, because I would love to have, I, I would just love to know your perspective on these things. So, the first one is what is the worst thing you think someone can say on a sales call? 

Eli Wilde (01:21:52): 

Worst thing? 

Dan Henry (01:21:53): 

Like beyond, beyond, all. Right? What is, what is the one thing that you should never say on a sales call or, or the thing that you think salespeople or people selling say too often that they really, really shouldn't. 

Eli Wilde (01:22:08): 

You know, I, I, I hate the whole like 20 minutes of rapport, you know, that dogs and cats and all that, just that fluff, like let's get to it. But also right in the beginning of the sales call, there's also an agenda-setting. And I think the way that some people do it, like this kind of big dick swinging like, Hey, here's how the call's gonna go. I'm gonna tell you this. And you know, we got this many minutes, but I'm very busy. So this posturing of being superior, this, this posturing and the way that most salespeople open up the call. And so again, you can ask all the questions, but there's a very good chance that people will give you surface answers. And so the way that a lot of people communicate it just based on their tonality. And so again, there's people, there's what people say, but in NLP. 

Eli Wilde (01:22:51): 

They talk about this and it it's been argued a lot, but communication is about 7% words, 38% tonality. And then 55% body language and body language is also regulating your nervous system, feeling calm. And it sends a message to your nervous system. So if I'm like, like all tense and hyped up on 28 red bulls, and I'm like, you're gonna get tight and you're, and if we're connected and you're gonna, and you're gonna have different thoughts and feelings, and you're gonna feel uncertain about me, which is gonna produce certain thoughts about my program. And so we're creating a lot of this based on not just what people say, but how they're being. And I love that quote. My, probably my favorite quote ever, if, if, I mean, definitely top 10 Ralph Waldo Emerson, he says who you are speaks so loudly people can't even hear what you say. 

Eli Wilde (01:23:31): 

And you know, when I work for Tony that a doesn't have the same script, same word, same product, same price, point, same city, same, everything, same, same everything. Why were my sales three to five times higher with the same word, same price, same everything? And some people say, well, it's a script and all of that, yes, you do need to have a script. And that's like, that's like training wheels. And to be connected to somebody, you can't be self-conscious, conscious for what you're saying. And so what people do on the call, they become self-conscious, there's everything's energy, as I said. But in this communication as dance of communication that I'm transferring, I believe you can't give that what you don't possess. I can't give you a dollar if I don't have one, but what I wanna give you in this conversation is clarity and certainty. 

Eli Wilde (01:24:07): 

And so I communicate with clarity and certainty and I can't give it to you unless I have it. And I can't have it if my energy's being dropped by self-judgment fatigue. Should I say it like this? Persona fatigue, I'm trying to be like somebody else. Or decision fatigue, should I say it like, oh, and then there's like this mumbling, kind of stuttering. I don't know where I'm going attitude. And also, sometimes people I do naturally talk pretty quick. And I like that because I'm also used to speaking on stage and I've gotta get people's attention. And I'm also ramping them up. Sometimes my engine, like my, my energy and my communication and all that, and I'll drive somebody and then I'll slow it down a little bit. And that movement makes things very dynamic. It's the reptilian part of the brain. 

Dan Henry (01:24:43): 

So it's like, you cannot give that what you don't possess. 

Eli Wilde (01:24:48): 

And so I think beyond the words, cuz you can take any script and they're all, I mean these days the self-development coaching industry has become so evolved. All the scripts are pretty good. But you know, I can take the worst script and do better than some people with the best script. Right? And so it's not so much that it's genuine curiosity concern. And so the one thing I think people do is they make judgements about who this person is, where the person will begin to shut down and not give you the sensitive information. And also, you know, I, I've got so many friends in sales and we, we, you know, the best ones out there, we all share scripts. And you know, I I'm like, what is, what is, what are the SOPs that this client's doing? And here's some stuff that I've learned. 

Eli Wilde (01:25:26): 

And so the best sales people out there are like my best friends. And so, I'd seen all the scripts and all of it in the questions and some of it's very good, but a lot of it, we teach some of the same things. So it becomes the same questions. And if we're selling, like for me, I always sold sales people. And so, if I did fuel felt found or any of that stuff, they already, they've already heard that. A tactic shown as a tactic blown. And so if you're doing what everybody else does and you're selling other entrepreneurs and they've already heard that, they're gonna put you in a box. They start, you have a script, but they have an internal script. Like when you walk into a dental office, there's a certain smell. Like you're like, okay, I've, I've been here before. And the moment you start sounding like everybody else at the beginning of a sales call, they put you in a box as just another salesperson. 

Eli Wilde (01:26:07): 

So what do they do? That sucks. They're being like everybody else. Okay. How do I need to not be like everybody else you be yourself? You know? Yeah. It's like, like, but that's easier said than done. It was, you know, big challenge for me my whole life. And even when I worked for Tony, I wanted to be like at Tony and I'm, you know, I'm like chest out. I'm like, you know, I'm talking all like this and you know, and I saw jar really struggle cuz he wanted to be like his father so much. I, you know, I wanted to be like Tony. I mean, everybody that's in self-developing. You gotta be, you be, you gotta be you. And once I figure that out the sales changed for the better. 

Dan Henry (01:26:38): 

You made a point about the script and it's funny cuz we were talking about acting earlier. Yeah. And I always say, you know, I say to both people that we train, whether it's sales, salespeople, I say you know, if I give you, if I give a hundred actors a script and those a hundred actors have the same exact script and they go in the audition for that role. How many actors get the role? One just one. One. Why? Yeah, because that one actor did it better. So don't tell me that all you need is a script. Don't tell me that if you have the script, you'll be fine because you actually have to execute on that script. And I love what you're saying about, you know, if you are not confident in what you're doing and, and you're like, oh, and you're in your brain, you're like, what should I say? 

Dan Henry (01:27:24): 

Should I say it this way? You're gonna, you're gonna come out like that. And if you sound like that, you don't sound confident in yourself, then your customer's not gonna feel confident in you because you don't even feel confident in yourself. So, it goes so much deeper than just reading, reading a script and it, it, it, you have to really become the person that actually feels that way actually is confident. So, I love, I love, I love what you said about that. Let me, let me ask you another question rolling right into this. So that, so I asked you what was the worst thing you can do on, on a sales call? And I think to sum that up, it was, you know, based basically try too hard and get in your own head so that you can't execute and, and just think it's a script. But if you had three things, like just very short three things to give somebody in terms of three things they can do on any sales call or in any sales situation, even selling from stage, any, any sort of influential persuasion, setting, three core things that if they do it right now, they are going to do better tomorrow than they did today. What would those three things be? 

Eli Wilde (01:28:35): 

One is your belief system. And so realize that people do things to avoid pain playing game pleasure. And so I have a strong belief system about what it means for them. They like, if they do what I'm gonna say, it means a lot of pain for if, if you don't do it, it's gonna pain for you. If you do it, it's gonna be pleasure for you. And when I communicate, I frame everything that I'm saying in their best interest, like, Hey, you might wanna write this down so that you can remember it in order to really master this, to be able to spend more time with your kids, what would that mean to you? So, so that in order to, to be able to means to you. And so I'm framing it over and over again. So, hey, you might want to consider buying into this program so that you have more time to be able to spend with your kids, which will allow you to do whatever you want. 

Eli Wilde (01:29:17): 

What would it mean to you to be able to have that, that is what you want, isn't it. And so I'm framing things back in there, in there listening, and this would be a number two. So, there's a belief that drives all of that. And my belief that I work on just like, I wouldn't, you know, like you shower before you go to work, hopefully, everybody's working at home now. So you don't, you don't have to, but like, just like I'm preparing for the day. I'm like, I, I did that talk with Jordan, Beford Nile soul him. And you know, and he's, he's so good. But I had such a strong belief system about what I said in so much certainty. And it's like certainty. It's like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger that it gets. And I knew that when I stepped there, it's like ready to perform. 

Eli Wilde (01:29:53): 

Like I've visualized, I've got clear targets. And so, and it's that, that great book Think and Grow Rich definiteness of purpose. I know why I'm there. And life supports that which supports life. If I do it for me to be self-actualized, self-confident self-respecting, most people can't even do that. But when you show up for your family or you show up for your clients, more of you shows up. And so I show up with an expanded vision of self that is also like I'm connected to this person. Like, you know, and I, I give you with an example and I know this isn't short, but when you like, say you do things only for, and maybe you go to work or not, there's no real consequences. If your bills are paid, but then maybe you have a kid and you don't need to show up work usually, but now you gotta support the kid and you don't want to go to work, but you don't just show up for you. 

Eli Wilde (01:30:33): 

You show up for your family, you show up for your family. And when you show up for somebody outside of you, more of you shows up, there's an expanded version of you. When you show up for your family, when you show up for your company, more of you shows up. For me, I love self-development. I love sales. And I think there's a lot of programs and a lot of people out there, but I don't want to just bastardize them. I want to teach them. I, if I see somebody teaching sales really, I'll pull them aside. I'm like, I will teach you for free. You can use some of my stuff, cuz I would take a stand for the industry. I love this industry. Life supports that, what supports life. And so see, some people have seen me, you know, and I'll badmouth people a little bit, which is one of my things. 

Eli Wilde (01:31:07): 

I'm not doing that anymore, but I have in the past and I'm like, that's not who I wanna be. That's not in alignment with my character. So when you look at like a Gandhi or a Mother Teresa, or Nelson Mandela, they supported humanity with their words and life supported them. And so when you think about these people who have become legendary, they transcend time and space with their words because of the meaning of what it means to communicate this. So we can communicate on a higher level and often people buy into the frame because it's, there's a higher amount of energy there and purpose and conviction. If you can really draw from that, you'll be supported in that vision. If it's real for you. 

Dan Henry (01:31:40): 

Was that two or three? That was two. That was two. Do you have a, a third one? Two, two is deep. So yeah. 

Eli Wilde (01:31:47): 

So yeah. So these are things that, that I would do to prepare or on the call to be effective best practices. 

Dan Henry (01:31:54): 

Yeah. Any kind of persuasion situation 

Eli Wilde (01:31:56): 

Any kind of persuasion situation. So it's, you know, thinking in terms of the person's best interest. Selling consequences heaven if you do, hell if you don't. But also, when I alluded to it in the third one, it's definite it's the person having a clear target. So the three things that I focus on 

Dan Henry (01:32:13): 

Is it helping them realize what the target is? 

Eli Wilde (01:32:16): 

Well, here's, here's the, here's the secret for me. So as, as I alluded to earlier like you need to be focused, definite purpose, definiteness of purpose. You need to be focused on a clear outcome or result. So I'm clear in that, however, in a sales call, if my target is to get a sale, you feel that I'm trying to get a sale. If my target is just to sell you, I come off with commission breath. So I got really curious in my preparation for all of my events. I thought what drives people's actions, all actions are proceeded by thoughts and feelings. So I wrote down, I got really clear what exactly they want you thinking about you yourself, the future, the company, the environment about me, what are the thoughts and feelings that this person needs to have that will compel them to action? And if I can see in the middle of the conversation is not going that way. I say, well, hold on Dan, here's something you might wanna think about. I'm gonna tell you what to think about or, you know, I, I, I can appreciate what you're saying. And really, you know, listen to me. I, I can tell you're very smart. So I might, so if I interrupt them, I'll compliment them and they'll go internal. They're like, yeah. And I'm curious, 

Dan Henry (01:33:18): 

You, you showed me that thing at, when we were having cigars. That thing where you say, listen, Dan, and you, you, the great 

Eli Wilde (01:33:25): 

Thing about you is, 

Dan Henry (01:33:26): 

You know, so you command the conversation. So I it's a pattern interrupt, but then immediately you give a compliment. So it's like for a second, you're like this guy's a, oh wait, no, he is not, he's complimenting me. Yeah. 

Eli Wilde (01:33:37): 

Listen, I mean, the great thing about you is you're you've done this and this and I, and I really admire. And I think in some ways we're like, I mean, you're definitely further ahead than me. And I think all of us in the community, all of us out here are really wanting something more. And so I have to ask, I mean, if you were to think about, you know, so it's, you know, we're the same. And then I still, if I, if I notice also if I'm there with somebody live, I can notice and their, their facial expressions and or if they're like this, I'll, you know, I might even change my PO I'll change my, my posture. I might SHG my shoulders a little bit. Like, I don't know. So I go in fear cuz if you're like all superior and I'm severe right back then it's this I'll say well, and I don't, I don't know. But you know, it seems like, and, and I have to know and you know, I'll do some things based on what I see in your eye contact and how you're responding to what I'm saying. 

Dan Henry (01:34:25): 

So to make this like a tactical thing, a tactical thing. Yeah. I, I would imagine you're on a sales call you're or you're in a sales situation and the prospect is just getting off the beaten path, right? They're they're trying to control the Congress or they're just, they're just lost in their own words. And so you say, you know, listen, Bob, I really appreciate so, so you, you take back the control of the conversation, but then you immediately give a compliment that shows how much you appreciate. And then you give them an alternative way to think about what aver is. They're rambling about 

Eli Wilde (01:35:03): 

Yeah. That's, that's kind of a syntax one. I'm just doing that to show you that there's this three-posture superior, equal and inferior, and I'm using all of 'em all the time, you know? Right. 

Dan Henry (01:35:11): 

Superior would be you're an authority figure over equal your, a peer and inferior would be like, bill, there, all 

Eli Wilde (01:35:19): 

These, these young, high-ticket sales guys that get some Dan lock script or something, or like whoever's could be minds, script or whatever. They're 22 years old and they're talking to a 40-year-old business owner about their success. Listen, here's how this goes. I've got this script. I'm gonna ask you some questions. They're being their posturing over superior and the other person. So the other person's gonna have to admit they're theory. Well, what's the challenge. Why do you think, and it's not gonna land. Like if you know, I was 27 as a speaker, I'm talking to seminar rooms with 60-year-old men who were millionaires. They're like, get the freak outta your free take. And when I postured like that, then, then they start challenging me. And then I learned after a while, how to challenge them back and win and beat them down, but they still didn't buy. So I had asked what's my outcome to make people feel wrong and like, because I'm a professional speaker and I can do that. And I've learned all these linguistic tools. My outcome is to connect with them and get these people to feel safe enough to take advice 

Dan Henry (01:36:06): 

From me on that, that takes discipline. That takes discipline. And yeah, you know, I'll tell you a funny story. I was on a call. So we hired we hired somebody at, at my other company and, they, they were like a sales manager for, a big influencer. Somebody that real, I'm not gonna mention the name, cuz I don't, I don't like throw shade at anybody, but they, you know, I was interested in their product just cuz they had mentioned it and I was like, oh that's an, and it was, you know, a decent pro I think it was like for five grand or something. It was a decent, like a coaching program just for one specific thing in business. And I get on a call with the, the sales rep and I, I knew the new sales manager for that company. 

Dan Henry (01:36:53): 

And so I get on a call with the sales rep and immediately he's like, Hey, you know wanna let you know that I've been following you for some time when I saw your name come across my desk. I was excited, you know, because I I've just been following you for a long time and da, da, da. Right. And I could kind of sense this sort of like kind of BS. I was like, oh, I ask you for something. Yeah. I, well I was like, well, so he was like, oh, you know, I've been following yourself for like, I'm like how long, you know, I was asking, I was like, how long, you know, what, what, what, what, what, what have you seen from me that you liked? And he couldn't come up with an answer. Yeah. Right. So like number one, I think it's important to understand that if you're gonna pull something like that out, especially if you're on a call with somebody who's known or, or maybe you said that you've done some research on them, you actually have, you can't just say it. 

Dan Henry (01:37:43): 

You sure do. You actually have to do it. You know what I mean? Like you can't get on a call and say, oh, I looked up your company and it sounds, it's amazing. And they're like, oh cool. What do you like about it? And then you have no idea what their company is, you know? Yeah. And then like you said, he starts to say that, well, what are your struggles and stuff? And like, wow, I'm not like, dude, just, you know, you gotta know who you're talking to. That's why, I remember one time at our highest-level consulting is a hundred thousand dollars at another company. And, and so I let, let one of my reps mention or listen to my sales call and immediately it's like, wait a minute, you didn't do all the things you told us to do. 

Dan Henry (01:38:25): 

Yeah. And it's like, well, I was selling a hundred thousand dollars offer to somebody else. Who'd made millions of dollars doing what they do. Like they, not somebody who's, it's, it's a totally different context, you know? So I did do the same things, but I didn't, you know, I knew their awareness. I knew their awareness of those questions. And I, I think that is why I think the script mentality is so toxic to people who try to sell because they literally think it is about the script. And that's why you will see like a director, a director will say, I mean, I've watched Quentin Tarantino interviews and you know, Quentin Tarantino, he, you dude, you, you gotta follow exactly what he says, right? He, he is not the biggest ad lib. Like he's like do it this way, but I've even seen interviews where he's let an amazing actor go off and they just went off on a complete impromptu and he kept it because it was magic and it was magic. 

Dan Henry (01:39:23): 

Not because that actor read a script and there was magic in the script. It's because the actor read the script and understood the character. And in that moment knew that what he, because he's a good actor, what he would do in that moment would be magic based on his understanding of the character, not a script. And I think a lot of salespeople just do or entrepreneurs who sell their own products, just do not get that. And they want the easy way. They just wanna read off a script and by read framing that their mindset around that they can achieve a higher level of sales. In my opinion, 

Eli Wilde (01:40:02): 

Yeah. A hundred percent. That's like, what does this person want? What is preventing them from getting it? They, and they, that they feel, you know, and so that's, that's typically, you know, what I'm looking for is, and what's driving their behavior now. And so something's off in their process or their procedure, or they're not clear. So there's just something there. Right. But also, it's of a belief that it's, that it's possible for them, you know? And so I, you know, I believe that they can do it, but I believe that somebody's got patterns of thought, feeling under emotion that maybe, you know, have them in conflict or not clear, or they're scattered or something's off. So it's like, you know, I don't know who said it first, but they say that like 90% of business problems are actually personal problems. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. And so it's, and I, I relate a lot of that to chunk down again, to communication problems internally or with themselves about what they actually want and why they want it. And so I, 

Dan Henry (01:40:52): 

I wanna switch there. I wanna switch to a communication problem. And by the way, just to wrap that story up, I did not buy from that guy. I called up the sales manager and I said, dude, you got it. Your hands. Well, these guys are terrible. And then I just said, I didn't even wanna talk that guy. Can you just tell me quickly, tell me what the offer was? And he like told me and I was like, all right, I'll buy it. Can you take my, can you take my car? And I ended up buying

 cuz he understood. He's like, I don't wanna hear any of this crap. Just tell me what it is. Here's how it can help you done. But okay, so, so communication, right? So, I think a lot of communication is, is your state, right? If you like, for instance, when you came up to me today, like I'll give you a perfect example. 

Dan Henry (01:41:28): 

Something I struggle with a lot. And I think that a lot of people struggle with, especially entrepreneurs cuz whole much is put on us so much can be put on our plate. You know, if I have a bad day, it's very difficult sometimes for me to get in a good state, how you doing? You know, and you seem to all, I, I, I can't imagine you never had a bad day, you know, I'm for sure. But every time I see you, you're always like, Hey Dan, you come in here. You're like, hey, you're just so, and I, our mutual friend Myron is the same way. The guy comes in here. I had a bad day. Right. I had a really, really bad day, financial stuff. You know, stock, all that, all that crap. And he comes in and he's super positive. 

Eli Wilde (01:42:13): 

And, and you know, I say to him, I said, Myron, did you, did you just like win the lottery or something? Not that he needs it, but you know, but I said, what happened? Like you're just so, and, and I don't, I don't even think he was that positive that day. I think I was just in such a negative state that I noticed how positive he was. He's positive like that every day. Yes. But I said, I said, you know what, what's going on? Like, you win the law or something like, why are you so positive? And he is no, actually two days ago my dad died. And I was like, because I'm just thinking about this. Yeah. I'm noticing how positive he is. His dad just died. This a tough one and he's still positive. And I'm over here worried about since stuff that doesn't even remotely compare to that. 

Eli Wilde (01:42:57): 

And, you know, I asked him that I'm like, how are you staying so positive? And he's like, well, he had a very logical explanation for it. He said, well, you know, if my dad knew that I didn't celebrate his life and I let it affect me that much, he would be disappointed in me and I don't wanna disappoint my dad. And I was like, ah, you know, I mean, so I gotta ask you how do you always, like, what is the secret to maintaining such a pleasant, positive, refreshing, and warm and welcoming state? Cause you always are in it. What, what is your secret to that? You know, I, I was, we are so teaching this tomorrow of the weekend was an amazing weekend. It was great. And when I do experience in those, those challenging moments, I often think like, well, how do I, how do I NAB this? 

Eli Wilde (01:43:45): 

NA how, what, what could I notice, appreciate or believe about this person this moment? You know, there's always something there that I could notice, appreciate or believe about this that can empower me, but also, you know, even being here. So I, when I started this off, I think a lot of people in their life, they drift and I love Napoleon hill outrunning, the devil thinking of rich, they talk about the drifter. And I think these people that are drifters, they don't have clarity of purpose definiteness in their purpose. And so they don't feel like their actions mean anything. And so it's very easy for those weeds to kind of like just to fill your brain. If you're not, don't have directed thoughts in mind and energy. And so even we, right before we started this, I said, what's the outcome? What do you wanna get outta this? 

Eli Wilde (01:44:24): 

And so I have a way to direct my mind cuz I know that if I, my mind isn't directed on something, I get up. There's like all this in my phone and problems that and all of that. But you know, it's like, and you've heard this before. It's such a cheesy kind of one-liner, but what we focus on expands, what we focus on, we tend to manifest or get more of. And so I need to control my focus. And so the way that I do that is typically with some kind of empowering question, what do I really want? Like, and even for myself, when I do these seminars like some might gotta, might be a jerk. And then after a while I would like one to, to myself. And so I'd find all these ways to emotionally destroy somebody and make them feel like. 

Eli Wilde (01:44:56): 

And then I was like, is that my outcome to make you feel bad? No, my outcome is to get a sale. So what's the path, what's my real target here. And then it was like, is my path to even get a sale? It's like, not really know. I was like, is that what I want? And so I, I became, and I told you this whole time, I became the top salesperson for Tony with the same script on all of it. And so I had a higher purpose, a higher vision for what I wanted in those moments. And so more life supported me in those moments, cuz my vision was pure about what I actually wanted for these people. And I was in a really challenging spot and I got into self-development. Tony was like, they say like your first lover, you was the one you really meet Tony for me. 

Eli Wilde (01:45:31): 

Some other people like landmark a forum or some there's some other great seminars. But Tony was like my first everything, my first love of self-development. He was like my gateway drug, you know, he just like opened me up to all this other stuff about communication and myself and my self-discovery. And for me it was like, wow, this is amazing. And I thought about, so one of the things I would think about before my seminars, cause I know if I was there for me, you know, I'm gonna be self-conscious of making everything about me. What's puts up a wall between me and the person. And so, I can't make it about me or even about you. I'm gonna make it about a bigger vision. Like what is, what does this mean to the world? Like how do I guide this conversation to something that's empowering for everybody? 

Eli Wilde (01:46:09): 

And sometimes some people hear it, some people not, but that's, that's my, and I perfect in it sometimes, you know, I have my desires and needs and things like that and I'm human. But I try my best for that. And I've got a clear target and an outcome that I'm seeking. And so as we all hit speed bumps and it's such a cheesy analogy, but you've heard this before that if a plane takes off from say New York to Tampa, it's off track like 97% of the time trail wins and you know, and turbulence and all that. But because it's no's outcome, it moves around the turbulence. And I think sometimes we hit some turbulence and we lose sight of our vision. We lose sight of our outcome in this conversation. So with my mom, I'm like, am I trying to make her feel bad? 

Eli Wilde (01:46:45): 

No. When I'm in these salespeople like, you know, do I wanna make them feel bad? No. Do I wanna get a sale? Yeah. But the sales a means to a higher end. And so I'm connected to the end and part of my superpower in selling Tony, like I loved me some Tony Robbins, but ultimately, I had an experience, had an experience and my mission wasn't be the top salesperson. My mission wasn't to get sales. I wasn't to get money. I wanted all that. I, but ultimately, I wanted this other person's life to be better. And I wanted to share them with an experience that I had. And I knew they had fear and resistance. I was like, Hey, me too. I had the same things, but I went for it. And if I hadn't had that experience, if I didn't go for it, you know, I think I would not be here, but because I did it, I'm experiencing all this. 

Eli Wilde (01:47:27): 

And I want you to have that too. I wanna make, I, I wanna make the world a better place by exposing people to these principles. And so that's, that's my superpower. So I have a mission bigger than myself. I have a mission bigger than the moment. And so when I get that resistance and if people challenge me in the moment, I, I love this, this quote. And I know you wanna ask a question, but I wanna share this one quote from Wayne Dyer, cuz this really hit it for me. And he says, if you take an orange and you squeeze it, what comes out? Orange juice. Why? Because the only thing can come out is what's on the inside. Now what happens when life, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, your mom, what happens when life squeezes you? What comes out? Fear, anxiety, stress. It can't come out unless it's on the inside. 

Eli Wilde (01:48:10): 

Mm. And so whose responsibility is it to control what's happening inside of you? It's yours. And so we have a responsibility before every conversation before every seminar, before every podcast, whatever it is to fill ourselves up with gratitude or belief or certainty or a vision that makes the world better. And I think that if people do that consistently, again, that's like a muscle that if you do it over, never again, the stronger it gets and people buy into your frame. And if it's a positive frame, people want to do things for you. And a great example is have you read the book, the book, the autobiography of a, of a Yogi? Amazing book. It's the book that Steve Jobs gave away the most and you know, 

Dan Henry (01:48:49): 

Oh wow, well now I need to read it. No, I feel for not reading it.  

Eli Wilde (01:48:52): 

Kinda spiritual, kinda out there book, but he's the guy that brought is responsible for bringing yoga to the west. And he came here and within maybe 25 years or something like that, or 30 years, I forget exactly how long he was here. If you've been to the spiritual yoga retreat center, whatever it's called in San Diego, it is hundreds of yards of oceanfront property, like in Carlsbad. I mean, it's just gorgeous was given to, he met some guy and was like, had this presence in this warmth and this sincerity. And he says, I'm gonna do this. And a billionaire gave him all this land, ocean, front property. He created over 220 of those spiritual centers on the nicest part of the nicest city. There's one right on the ocean in Malibu. It's like acres and acres and acres. The people that are the wealthiest people in the world met this man once and were willing to give him tens of millions of dollars of property after having one conversation, cuz he had a, a vision bigger than himself. 

Eli Wilde (01:49:42): 

And these people with means gave him whatever he wanted, gave him all the land, gave him all, you know, left often when they passed away, left the majority of their income to this man's fund. And none of it went to him and he spent the rest of his years right there on the beach in Carlsbad. Yeah. And I've been there to that spiritual retreat center, but one man with a conversation, warm, genuine concern. And you know, we speak about grinding and hustling and people make a hundred sales calls and you know, one person can enter into a city and look across, be kind and warm and sincere and look at somebody in the eye and say, Hey, how are you and smile at somebody? And that could be the CEO and do more in a moment with one smile, one genuine in connection than they could have. 

Eli Wilde (01:50:28): 

10 years of grinding could open more doors. And you know, I appreciate this person I'm talking to in this moment, but I also appreciate the person that's inside of them that they could become. And so I'm speaking to that person and I see one of the things that I do is the biggest gift for all my clients. I visualize what's possible for them. And I speak to them. I hold them to that standard as this best version of themself. I'm like, here's what I see here is here's what you can ultimately do in your life. And I hold them to that standard. Will people always, will they let me down? Will people not follow suit? Yeah, that's okay. We all make mistakes. But one of the best things I can do for them is to hold that vision with them and hold them to that standard. 

Dan Henry (01:51:02): 

So would you say then maintaining that positive state, even when you're having a bad day and being pleasant all the time, it's, if I'm understanding you correctly, it comes down to understanding that your, your vision or your, your purpose is bigger than just yourself. And if you were to go and interact with somebody and just because you experience a bad day, that one day, if you let that affect your state and you let that, let that affect your interaction with other people and you let that taint your experience that day it's, it's like you're focusing on yourself and you're ignoring the bigger vision. And really, it ultimately comes down to it. Not being about you. It's about what's beyond you. And that remind you to stay in that positive state. You say that's like a summary. 

Eli Wilde (01:51:51): 

Yeah. It's, you know, it can become almost like a meditative process in that and the practical application of the self and, and all of that is this is my favorite explanation I've ever heard it's that the mind wants to be happy. And you've got this, you know, really old brain that's seeking out dings on your phone and approval and you know, novelty and, and all this, your mind wants to be happy. It's like this, like a, like a rat in a cage, literally like the mind can be that way unless we control it. The mind wants to be happy. Your heart wants to be fulfilled, but your soul is here to evolve and your soul does not give a darn about what makes you happy or fulfilled. You're here to experience challenges. You're here to grow through them. And as you grow through those C and share with people, what you learned along your challenges, then you contribute beyond yourself and you have a life of meaning. 

Eli Wilde (01:52:37): 

Like these are the gifts. And it's harder to realize in the moment, but like, you know, in, in this, if you read a book about this person or watch a movie, this person had this, you know, fairytale life. And they woke up one day and everything was perfect. Next day was perfect. It was perfect. And they just had this perfect life that is called a really story. Nobody, nobody cares about that story. And even if the person's living that life, they will do something to screw up their life just so they can experience some conflict. And that's what some people do. And so we've gotta have this vision that's bigger than ourselves. And then we have those, those turbulent times you know, realize that we're all the same and we're growing and we make mistakes and all that. And I think that, you know what they say, what you focus on expands. And some people aren't even here in the present, they're focused on, on their, their past failures and we all have them, right. But they're bringing that same energy into their present. They're infecting their present with their past. Or they're not even here, they're missing out on their life. And their life situation is just, they're just rerunning. You know, same relationship, same problem. Year after year after year. And people say, most people it's like, they, you know, they, they live the same year, like 30 years in a row, you know? 

Dan Henry (01:53:41): 

And they let that, they let that dictate the 31st, 32nd, 33rd, 34th year. And eventually, you have to stop the cycle. Let, let me ask you one question to end, I wanna throw you off. I'll throw you off base here. All right. We've been talking about sales and all this stuff. Let me, let me ask you a question because I think a lot of things in life is a sale. Even if it's not a sale, like a sales call, like everything's a negotiation. I remember hearing Chris VO say that, you know, the, the famous FBI negotiator, Chris VO, he said that like everything in life is a negotiation. Every interaction you have, almost everything you do when it boils down to it. It's an, it's a negotiation. Yeah. So let me ask you a question. How would you take, and, and just some, some, if you're a salesperson, you can probably understand this. 

Dan Henry (01:54:28): 

You have a better shot at understanding this, this stuff on a deeper level. But if you were to really simplify this, really break it down into some bullet points, simplified explanations on this for those listening. If you are in a cuz we talked about relationships a lot or a little bit, I wanna tell much more than that. If you're in a relationship with somebody and let's just say that you have very difficult communication, or maybe you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend that is difficult to talk to, right? Or at least your perception is their difficult to talk to. And maybe they're always angry or maybe even your you're the angry one, or you're both angry. How, what is the best way to use some of these communication skills to make the sale of getting along with your significant, other 

Eli Wilde (01:55:19): 

As that is a hard one to ask with the answer, the one-liner, I 

Dan Henry (01:55:22): 

Didn't say it was gonna be easy. I 

Eli Wilde (01:55:24): 

Tell you this though. We, we spent some time this weekend talking to me, my buddy told out that book The Way Of The Superior Man, have you read that book? The data? Oh my God, 

Dan Henry (01:55:33): 

You got it. The Way Of The Superior Man. Yeah. There's 

Eli Wilde (01:55:36): 

Write that down. You know, there's these three levels of man that he talks about one is this, you know, this bad boy kind of alpha guy and that guy, you can't control him. He's very sexy. Even a man. He's like, he's the tough guy in the movie and he's, can't be controlled. He's wild. And women even fantasized about him. Men even fantasized being like that. So like unattached and you know, he's kind of wild. And he says, F you and I'll do whatever I want. He's like the rebel without a cause type of guy he's mysterious and all that. He's the James Bond-ish character. We just, we fantasize about that. And that's a first level, man. That's a low level, man. Cause he only cares about his own needs. A more conscious man is level two, man, where he is like, what do you think? 

Eli Wilde (01:56:12): 

And he's like genuinely concerned and maybe in a relationship with a woman, he says, well, you know, what do you wanna do? What do, why don't, you know, let's hear your thoughts. And he is a more conscious man, but a woman will never be attracted to a man like that long term because he can't make a decision and he can never own her. And the third level, man, he much like the first level, man. He's a bad who knows what he wants and he makes decisions, but he'll be decisive. And he'll tell you what to do, not to control you, but he'll take care of this. He'll make a decision. So you don't have to. It's like, I've got this. There's this feeling of like contain me it and control. And so women or even resistant clients, which are in their feminine kind of energy all over the place. 

Eli Wilde (01:56:50): 

What they're looking for is containment and control. There's a really amazing video on containment between females and male, like what women want. And some women would argue if they see the video, they'll actually agree. It's a woman. T Swan is her name. She's like a YouTube celebrity talking about how women want containment. And this relates to sales too. And people will challenge you. They'll challenge your boundaries to see if you are this level, man. And so you might not say this verbally, but as you're being challenged, you're like, shut them up. I got you. I love you. I own you like, yeah.

Dan Henry (01:57:22): 

Your, and you don't mean own as in property, you'd say own as and own the moment or own the 

Eli Wilde (01:57:27): 

Situation. It's like, like we own each other. Like if, if you're hurting, I'm hurting, right. Like I'm concerned. 

Dan Henry (01:57:33): 

Yeah. Be careful. It's 2021 was you with the terminology 

Eli Wilde (01:57:37): 

Own. I have responsibility for your feelings. Right? 

Dan Henry (01:57:40): 

I that's what you mean by own? Yeah. Gotcha. Like 

Eli Wilde (01:57:43): 

I up. Like, I, I own it. You're upset. I'm here. I'm solid. Right? Like I have ownership over that. Not in a controlling way, but also, and here's the analogy I always give as it relates to this masculine, feminine dance. Have you ever been to San Francisco? No. Oh, it's an amazing city. Beautiful. 

Dan Henry (01:57:59): 

I was in, a California airport once. Yeah, and, and that was it that, yeah, that's, that's, that's my experience.

Eli Wilde (01:58:08): 

You've seen a picture of the Golden Gate Bridge. And there's the Alcatraz in the middle, this, this Harbor. And typically, there's, there's the Pacific Ocean. There's the Golden Gate Bridge. There's San Francisco here. There's Marin County over here. And there's this, this bay where boats come in, the fog comes in the tides up, ties down. If you've been in San Francisco, for those of you listening, it can be 50 degrees. And then it's 80 degrees. And then it drops down to 40 degrees all on the same day. It's like this, it's like this pocket of energy surrounded by these mountains. It's beautiful. It's chaotic. It's crazy. It's all over the place. And it's unpredictable much like a woman's emotions. Tide goes in and out. There's like just chaos in your company and this conversation and a stressed-out human being there's chaos. And when we see that chaos, we often want to control. 

Eli Wilde (01:58:52): 

But if we control that energy much like making a lake stagnant, it feels dead. The woman feels controlled and dead. And then there's a lot of other challenges. She, she buys into it. She doesn't feel alive and she'll react and she'll wanna do things, but you know, or just challenge you too much, whatever it is. But the, the San Francisco Harbor sees that energy as connected to energy. But as it comes in with the ups and downs and all the craziness, it is firmly grounded and rooted. Immovable deep, deeply rooted in the earth. And if you can be that says, Hey, doesn't matter if you're crazy today, doesn't matter. This, that like, I'm here to weather the storm and I'm, immovable, I'm here for you. This is a place that you can come in and feel safe, but also not controlled. I'm never gonna control. You can leave it any time 

Dan Henry (01:59:36): 

I've read about this. It's called the test. It is a test.  

Eli Wilde (01:59:39): 

People are doing that to us all the time. So your reactive client, all that. That's why it's like, that's why it's so important to ask. This seems like such a cheesy question, but what can I learn from this? What am I here to experience, what's driving this behavior? What, how do I speak behind the mask? And we've all got masks. We've all got insecurities. We've all got fear. And somebody's in that moment, they have fear. And so on my way of communicating, I'm trying to put them at ease because I know they're just scared. Like when somebody's acting like that relationship business, that alpha client, Hey, you're listening to me. They're saying I'm scared. I'm scared shitless. And I want you to make me feel okay. And I say, Hey, I hear I'm here for you. And if they're going off on a tangent, I'll label it, maybe a pattern, redirect, what are you really hoping to accomplish? So we can meet some mutual direction or target of what they're wanting. And sometimes I can't support them. Like, look, I can't support you in that. Is that what you ultimately want? So I, you know, I'm clear about my own boundaries. So all of my communication. 

Dan Henry (02:00:39): 

So basically somebody in the interaction, relationship sales with whatever, somebody in the interaction has to be stable, stable in their emotions have to be grounded. If both, if you let the other person knock you off of your balance, and then it just goes back and forth, becomes chaos, one, you, 

Eli Wilde (02:00:56)

This, you 

Dan Henry (02:00:57): 

Know, this thing one person has to basically mean you're not bothered. Cause that that's what I read about. Like the test was like basically really. They want to give you and see if you can handle it and not get all, not get all you know, imbalanced. And, but heard about it essentially to really break it down to, to, you know, what it is. If you can show that you don't let it bother you. That's like the ultimate form of I guess you could say respect. It's the other ultimate form to gain respect, to show that you're not bothered by 

Eli Wilde (02:01:28): 

In a relationship also that drama will come and the person saying, ultimately, I want your attention. And I wanna feel that I'm important to you. More important, that other thing can you make my needs very important. Can you make me feel seen, heard, and appreciated in this moment? And sometimes that will happen as you legitimately do have other things going on. And so sometimes just, you know, saying, look, you know, like, because you're so important to me, that's why I'm doing this so that I could, would it be okay? And just a hug or like a, you know, a squeeze, a way to that person's nervous system where they feel calm and we transfer it. And the not to go in too many tangents, but a, like a child, if it hears a thunderstorm and gets scared, the child will run and maybe hug the mother or hug the father. 

Eli Wilde (02:02:13): 

And that energy, that stress will go from the child to the parent and calm down the nervousness, him, the child, if the child does it and okay. And hugs the parent and the parent has more stress than the child. The stress will go into the child. The child will never regulate its nervous system and the child become, become be autistic or something like that. And so having a daily practice meditation, breathwork whatever, a way to calm yourself down, get the state to be comfortable, to feel body lead, to be in your, in your own body. Whether I'm speaking on stage or, you know, here, I wanna be aware of my body connected to my body. That's where your emotions are produced. And when you're in your head, you're dead. And so how do I be connected to myself and present? And they'll be, I communicate with my being not just with this, this mouthpiece. 

Dan Henry (02:02:58): 

Wow. Wow. That's, that's awesome. That's awesome, man. So, and I, and I love the fact that you said, I think, I don't know if anybody missed this or not, but it's, and I don't want people to miss this, that just giving a hug sometimes and grounding that person. And because in a sense, a hug can be a pattern interrupt and just give, giving them a like, Hey, give a hug. And I've seen that I can see it change. And, and it's, it's easier said than done. Cuz sometimes you let what they say, anger, you. And then you're like, I don't wanna give this person a hug and it, it but I mean, somebody has to try to master their emotions and become the highest version of their self if they want to be able to live in a world and succeed in a world where not everyone is trying to do the same thing. Makes sense. Well said, man, thank you so much for coming on. This has been like brother, a whirlwind of awesomeness. I mean it's fun this just 

Eli Wilde (02:03:51): 

Time flew by. 

Dan Henry (02:03:52): 

Yeah. Well, yeah, when we do these, it, sometimes they do fly by my, well, my bladder is knocking on my door, but that's,  dude, it's awesome. I'd love to have you back on some time and, and, and talk again. And I think there are just so many nuggets. You've probably given me more nuggets than anybody. I mean, there are like at least a hundred things in this conversation that I think can be expanded upon really change people's lives. So I, appreciate you coming on here and sharing your experience you know, coming up from your childhood getting the job with Tony and all that stuff that you went through with that. I think it's an incredible story. And I think a lot of people have learned a lot from it and I think I think everybody should go and, and hug their girlfriends and boyfriends. 

Dan Henry (02:04:41): 

Right. Or parents or parents. Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. Thank you. Thank you so much, sir. Thank you, brother. All right, guys. Thank you so much for listening. Don't forget to subscribe. And if you are looking for daily success mentoring on how to succeed, in life at whatever you do, you can go to HowToThink.Com and sign up and get a daily success mentoring, audio delivered right to your phone on our app. And again, don't forget to subscribe and please go follow Eli while where, where can they check out, check out your stuff. 

Eli Wilde (02:05:12): 

We have a Facebook group and that's pretty much where I direct people. 

Dan Henry (02:05:16): 

Okay. It's the name of it? 

Eli Wilde (02:05:18): 

Elite Level influence. We, it's a working name. E L I Elite Level Influence E Eli. All right. It's pretty cheesy. 

Dan Henry (02:05:24): 

But just to Facebook, we'll get some links and put 'em in the show notes. Well, that would be, that would be amazing. All right, man. Thank you so much for coming on. All right. Thank you. Thanks, guys. Appreciate it.