196 | Seeing My Wife With Someone Else: Mickey’s Sex Stories

Mickey (43 Irish-American heterosexual polyamorous cis male, married with four kids) had a good boy phase, a rock star phase, and is now in his 40s living a mostly shame-free existence, ready to explore his more recently recognized poly and kinky parts, while balancing 24-hour shifts as an EMT, and four kids—luckily, he and his wife are awesome communicators. He tells us when his wife’s inner tiger comes out, how hot it’s been to explore other people together, and how he’s learned that it’s okay to want stuff, sexually—and how he’s practicing noticing and making space for his desire, especially in social spheres where it’s “normal” for a couple to enter a platonic relationship along with parenthood (or at least, kinky proclivities are judged to varying degrees if shared). Mickey had a fantastic consent talk from his mom alongside his brothers, complete with condom practice and clear understandings of consent and enthusiastic yeses, and he reflects on how that led to a level of hyper vigilance on his own part, especially when witnessing his female friends getting treated poorly by his friends who didn’t get a thorough talk, paving the way for a long-term relationship with his first partner, and then when he moved to Austin to be a drummer and was opening for bands like Slayer, he had people throwing themselves at him, and became a self-described monster fuckboy. He talks about the car crash that was a wake-up call for him, how he met his wife long-distance and how hot it was to touch someone for the first time where there was already deep connection, what it’s like to look over seeing her blowing another dude, how working with a kink and poly friendly therapist has been super helpful, and all the sexy explorations on their horizon.

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