Slate Culture How To! | Stop Fawning
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Dec 16, 2025 
Dr. Ingrid Clayton, a clinical psychologist and trauma therapist, dives into the intriguing concept of fawning—an often overlooked trauma response. She shares personal stories, explaining how fawning manifests in everyday behaviors and its distinction from typical people-pleasing. Ingrid discusses the implications of complex trauma and offers practical tools for breaking free, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and gradual progress. Their conversation highlights how healing fosters intimacy without self-erasure, allowing a healthier connection to oneself and others.
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Teenage Moment That Revealed A Pattern
- Ingrid Clayton recounts being touched by her stepfather at 13 and responding by appeasing him to stay safe.
- That reflexive fawning later helped her recognize lifelong patterns after his death revealed unresolved trauma.
Trauma Is About Overwhelm, Not Only Events
- Trauma is defined by nervous-system overwhelm, not just the event itself.
- Complex trauma means ongoing relational or developmental harm that shapes reflexive responses like fawning.
Fawning Is A Survival Reflex, Not Choice
- Fawning differs from people-pleasing or codependency because it's a nanosecond, nervous-system survival reflex.
- Recognizing roots and system context prevents blame and shame of survivors.