38. Helping Couples to Do Money Together: An Advisor’s Guide with Heather & Douglas Boneparth

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You've seen it happen: one partner takes notes while the other zones out. Tension surfaces when discussing spending. Only one person shows up to quarterly reviews. Sound familiar?

This episode tackles the messy, emotional work of helping couples navigate money together. I sit down with Heather and Douglas Boneparth, authors of "Money Together," to explore why traditional financial planning often misses the mark with couples—and what you can do differently.

We dive into the hard stuff: invisible labor that goes unvalued, career sacrifices that breed resentment, cultural and religious differences shaping financial decisions, and how mental health factors like ADHD impact financial engagement. This isn't about joint accounts versus separate accounts—it's about the power dynamics, contribution definitions, and deeply held beliefs that actually drive financial behavior.

You'll learn how to spot warning signs that money conflicts are about something deeper, how to invite both partners into conversations without creating defensiveness, and when to refer to specialists. 

Heather shares a powerful insight from their research: couples where one partner earns less or no income consistently said they don't feel free to spend. Not because of budget constraints—because they've lost agency around money. That's not a communication problem. That's a power dynamic undermining every strategy you build.

Whether you work primarily with couples or occasionally navigate partnership dynamics, this conversation equips you with frameworks for thinking differently about the human side of financial planning.

RESOURCES AND GUEST INFORMATION

About Heather and Douglas Boneparth:

Douglas Boneparth is a Certified Financial Planner with nearly two decades of experience and the founder of Bonafide Wealth. Heather Boneparth is a corporate attorney who brings a unique perspective on career transitions, power dynamics, and equity in relationships. Together, they are the authors of "Money Together: A Practical Guide to Navigating Money in Relationships."

Connect with Heather and Douglas:

• Website: Do Money Together
• Book: Money Together
• Connect with Heather and Douglas on LinkedIn
• Newsletter: The Joint Account

Resources Mentioned in the Episode:

• "Fair Play" by Eve Rodsky - Documentary on HBO

Connect with Host Ashley Quamme:

• Podcast Website: Planning & Beyond®
• LinkedIn: Ashley Quamme - Licensed Therapist & Financial Behavior Specialist
• Beyond the Plan®: Financial psychology integration services