Former kickboxer turned therapist, Hazel Gale, shares her journey of self-discovery through fighting, challenges as a woman in sports, power of writing thoughts, and authentic connection with others. She discusses overcoming mental chatter, focusing on what truly matters, and breaking free from societal expectations and self-sabotage.
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Quick takeaways
Recognizing and understanding the roles of persecutor, rescuer, and victim in the Drama Triangle can help navigate dysfunctional relationships.
Embracing self-sabotaging traits and integrating all aspects of the personality are crucial for growth and change.
Unconscious behaviors govern our actions, requiring self-awareness and reflection to rewrite outdated coping mechanisms.
Deep dives
Understanding the Drama Triangle and Victimhood
The drama triangle consists of three roles: persecutor, rescuer, and victim. When in a conflicted or co-dependent relationship, individuals often enter the drama triangle through one of these roles. The persecutor exerts control and dominion, aiming to elevate themselves by subjugating others. The rescuer perceives themselves as selfless heroes, but their need to save others stems from seeking self-worth through rescuing. The victim operates from a place of powerlessness and dependency, constantly cycling through all roles and ultimately feeling disempowered and inadequate.
Rewriting the Programming and Accepting Responsibility
To update the programming of self-sabotaging behaviors, individuals must first accept and own the issue, recognizing the positive intention behind the behavior. Rather than trying to push away undesirable traits, embracing and understanding the resources within them is crucial. Acceptance and integration of all aspects of the personality, including the perceived weaknesses, are essential for growth and change.
Recognizing Unconscious Behaviors and Beliefs
Our actions and beliefs are often governed by the unconscious mind, which accounts for approximately 90% of our behavior. Recognizing unconscious behaviors requires a level of self-awareness and reflection to understand patterns and conditioning. Changing deeply ingrained biases and behaviors involves rewriting outdated coping mechanisms and integrating previously rejected aspects of the self.
The Process of Updating Programming and Self-Compassion
Updating programming involves recognizing the functions of self-sabotaging traits and understanding that they aim to provide some benefit, even if it leads to damaging outcomes. By acknowledging and integrating these aspects of the self, individuals can tap into resources like self-compassion, creativity, and connection. Embracing and nurturing these traits can lead to a more holistic and fulfilling self-growth journey.
Understanding the Drama Triangle
The podcast delves into the concept of the Drama Triangle, which involves three roles: victim, rescuer, and persecutor. It explains how individuals may unconsciously fall into these roles, leading to dysfunctional interactions. By exploring scenarios where the victim seeks help from the rescuer, but creates barriers with 'Yes, but' responses, the podcast highlights the detrimental effects of this dynamic on relationships. It emphasizes the importance of honesty and taking responsibility for individual needs to break free from the Drama Triangle pattern.
Importance of Authenticity and Self-Reflection
Another key point discussed in the podcast is the significance of authenticity and self-reflection in personal growth. The speaker shares a personal story about the impact of overtraining in boxing and the realization that success does not guarantee internal worth. Through self-disclosure and introspection, the speaker discovered the value of connecting with others authentically rather than striving for external validation. The podcast advocates for embracing one's true self and prioritizing genuine connections to find fulfillment and satisfaction.
Former professional kickboxer turned therapist, Hazel Gale, joins Srini Rao on The Unmistakable Creative to discuss her multifaceted career and the journey of self-discovery she experienced through competitive fighting. Hazel shares how her parents' expectations clashed with her desire to be a fighter, the challenges she faced as a woman in a male-dominated sport, and the mindset required to step into the ring. She also delves into the power of writing down thoughts to organize and find meaning, the importance of self-distancing in journaling, and the realization that true worth and victory come from authentic connection with others.