The Exclusive Career Coach 295: Help! I'm an Introvert and I Hate Networking!
I wanted to let you know that I’ll be starting another 4-week Land Your Dream Job Accelerator in January, starting the week of January 4th. If you’re interested in knowing more about LYDJA, email me at lesa@exclusivecareercoaching.com.
As a master practitioner of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), I know well the difference between introverts and extraverts. In MBTI language, introversion vs. extraversion has to do with where you get your energy.
Here’s what extraversion and introversion AREN’T: Ability to navigate social situations, friendliness, or whether you like people.
When it comes to networking, it’s not about introverts being socially awkward. It’s about the drain on their energy. It’s about having to initiate a conversation (they generally DON’T want to do this). It’s about small talk, which seems pointless to them.
I’d like to offer the flip side of networking for introverts: The strengths you bring to networking. You tend to be much better listeners than extraverts, you prefer meaningful conversations with one person or a small group of people over chit chat with a large group, and you tend to be thoughtful before you speak.
Here, then, are 13 tips for you introverts to…if not love networking, at least not hate it so much. Maybe even enjoy it a little.
1. Work on your mindset first – and throughout.
Start by filling up a piece of paper with all your thoughts about networking – I’m confident the majority of those thoughts will be negative.
Next, identify one of the thoughts you wrote down that you think takes up the most space in your brain – the one you think most often.
Find a better-feeling thought you could begin practicing. For example:
If you have been thinking “I hate networking,” you might replace it with “Networking is hard for me…and I can do hard things.”
You’ve created a neural pathway in your brain around “I hate networking” such that it is in your subconscious, playing on repeat without your awareness. It’s time to create a new neural pathway with a thought that serves you better.
Maybe your next thought will be “Networking used to be hard for me…but now it isn’t.”
2. Start with low-hanging fruit.
If you’re starting to network from ground zero, it’s important to begin by reaching out to people you already know fairly well. You want to work out the kinks in your networking skills (there WILL be some) and build your confidence up before you reach for bigger networking targets.
3. Set realistic networking goals.
If you’ve never really networked before, your goal may be one, 30-minute networking coffee. If you’ve networked periodically before, you may set a goal of meeting with three people you used to work with.
When attending a networking event, set a goal for how many people you want to meet – or a specific type of person, such as at least one person who works in HR. Then allow yourself permission to leave after you’ve accomplished your goal —this makes the event feel more doable.
4. Focus on quality over quantity.
Don’t compare yourself to your extraverted colleague who tells you she met 13 amazing people at the networking event she attended last night – she probably couldn’t tell you one meaningful fact about any of them.
Focus on forming a deep connection with a few people – play to your strengths.
5. Join groups of shared interests.
One of the biggest mistakes I see people making with networking is too narrowly defining what networking actually is…and where it can happen.
As I like to say to my clients, you can network anywhere the music isn’t too loud and the people aren’t too drunk.
What do you enjoy doing? Find a group of people who also enjoy doing that thing. The people in the group have jobs…their significant others have jobs…they have friends and family members with jobs…you get the idea.
6. Prepare in advance.
Plan your talking points and questions ahead of time.
7. Leverage online networking.
By initiating and maintaining conversations online via LinkedIn and other online forums, you get to become acquainted with someone before meeting them in person.
8. Attend small events.
I don’t recommend you start here, but at some point, you’ll want to begin attending networking events. Do your homework to find out how many people will be expected, what kinds of people attend, the venue, etc.
A smaller, more intimate gathering will allow you to engage in more meaningful conversations without feeling overwhelmed by a large crowd.
9. Arrive early.
Networking events may feel overwhelming if you envision yourself walking into a crowded room. Being one of the first to arrive may make it easier for you to strike up a one-on-one conversation.
10.Active listening.
Focus on listening more than talking – this can take the pressure off you to come up with things to say, and others (especially the extraverts) like to be heard.
11.Ask open-ended questions.
Asking questions that can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no” encourages others to share more information and keeps the conversation flowing.
12.Take breaks.
You may need to step away for a moment to recharge if you are feeling drained. Find a quite space to regroup, and then return to the event.
13.Follow up and follow through.
After a networking meeting or event, follow up with the people you met. Connect with them on LinkedIn. Provide them with any information or resources you promised them and thank them in advance for anything they promised to do for you.
DIY vs. DFY
DIY
My DIY recommendation is to get an accountability partner for your networking! I recommend someone who is good at networking…and hopefully, actually enjoys it.
You’ll want your accountability partner to help you set realistic networking goals, help you with your thoughts about networking, mentor you as you step out of your comfort zone, and hold you accountable for achieving the goals you set.
DFY
I think the done-for-you option for networking is pretty obvious: Get help from a coach who specializes in networking.
Here’s what you can expect:
-Training on how to network including how to reach out to people, who to reach out to, how to begin communications, how to set up a networking meeting, what to say during the meeting, and how to follow up afterwards.
-Mindset shift: You’ll likely need to begin thinking new thoughts about networking and your ability to network. This work is so important to make sure the networking you do is done with the proper energy.
-Practice and feedback: A coach should require you to actually network. You can’t get better at networking without actually doing it.
I work with many of my clients on networking – for many, it is a single session, while other clients needed more support. If you’re interested in getting coaching with me on networking, you can schedule a complimentary consult about my networking coaching here: