Help! My Loved One Says I’m Toxic! | with Alisa Childers and Tim Barnett
Jan 30, 2024
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Alisa Childers and Tim Barnett discuss the challenges of deconstruction in relationships and offer advice on navigating conversations with loved ones. They explore the connection between deconstruction and critical theory, the motivation behind deconstruction, and the two types of questions people may ask. They also touch on the problem of giving up external authority and highlight resources like their book and the approach at Southern Evangelical Seminary.
The deconstruction movement views evangelical Christianity as oppressive and bypasses discussions about truth, focusing on power dynamics instead.
Approaching relationships with loved ones who are deconstructing their faith requires sensitivity, understanding, and adapting the approach to each unique dynamic, setting boundaries, addressing underlying wounds, and maintaining a supportive presence.
Deep dives
The Deconstruction Movement and Critical Theory
The deconstruction movement is compared to critical theory in terms of categorizing people as oppressors or the oppressed. Deconstructionists bypass discussions about truth, focusing on power dynamics instead. Critical theory assumes that evangelical Christianity is oppressive, thus rejecting reason as a tool of oppression. When encountering deconstructionists, it is helpful to recognize their worldview and the denial of truth. Pointing out the importance of truth and questioning harmfulness can provide a starting point for dialogue.
Approaching Relationships with Deconstructing Loved Ones
Approaching relationships with loved ones who are deconstructing their faith requires sensitivity and understanding. Each relationship dynamic is unique, and it is important to adapt the approach accordingly. Setting boundaries and respecting the boundaries set by deconstructing individuals can be helpful. Recognizing and addressing the wounds behind their deconstruction, offering support, and seeking professional help if needed are essential. It is not about fixing their theology but creating space for healing and maintaining a presence in their lives.
Navigating Questions and Managing Expectations
When engaging with deconstructionists, it is helpful to differentiate between questions seeking answers and those seeking exits. Deconstructionists often seek to challenge authority and establish themselves as the ultimate authority. Understanding this mindset allows one to address the underlying authority issue in conversations. Additionally, it is crucial to remember that one's ability to answer every question or challenge presented does not determine the outcome of their loved one's deconstruction. Offering love, empathy, and a willingness to listen can make a difference in maintaining relationships during the deconstruction process.
What do you do when someone calls you "toxic" and says they don't want you in their life anymore? Is it even possible to reason with someone who rejects reason and objective truth? Because deconstruction can manifest itself in various ways and across various types of relationships, there is no one-size-fits all approach to these questions. But how do you determine what to say, how to say it, and when to even set your own personal boundaries in conversations about faith and doubt?
This week, Alisa Childers and Tim Barnett return to continue the discussion on their brand-new book, 'The Deconstruction of Christianity: What It Is, Why It’s Destructive, and How to Respond.' Frank, Alisa, and Tim will unpack some of the challenges that come with walking alongside people in the process of deconstruction and tips on how Christians can navigate these unique challenges. What's the connection between deconstruction and critical theory? Should you feel guilty if you fail to successfully reach an ex-vangelical? How can you discern the motivation behind a person's decision to deconstruct? All this and more will be discussed in this special follow-up podcast episode!
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Resources mentioned in this episode:
Tim and Alisa's book: https://a.co/d/1MnXiDr
Alisa Childer's website: https://alisachilders.com/
Red Pen Logic on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@RedPenLogic
Reality Apologetics Conference (Texas): https://www.realityapologetics.com/tx/
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