Ep. 42 - Marianne Brandon: Sex, Love, Marriage, & The Future of Intimacy

In today's episode I spoke with Dr. Marianne Brandon, a clinical psychologist, sex therapist, and author. We spoke about Marianne's killer book Monogamy: The Untold Story.

In the book, Marianne takes us through the most common challenges of monogamy - but says they’re not inevitable! By understanding the usual ways in which sex drives in marriage get derailed - Marianne shows us how we can overcome these common pitfalls and keep the magic very much alive.

We talked about the differences between men and women's sex drives, what men and women need in their relationship, and what couples can do to find a good balance. We spoke about the damaging effects of birth control pills on women’s sex drive and how hormonal replacement therapy (HRT) can be a good solution for women who are particularly affected by perimenopausal symptoms.

We spoke about how women often get dissociated from their bodies and how this can affect their sex lives. Marianne mentioned that yoga and brief meditations can make a big difference, helping women who feel disconnected from their bodies to re-attune to their bodily sensations. We also spoke about how some women still carry a lot of shame around sex because of messages they internalized in their earlier years. Marianne told us how she works with such women to release shameful feelings around sex and pleasure - especially when in the context of a loving, committed relationship.

We spoke about the different forms of infidelity and the various, creative ways in which people cheat on each other. Marianne gave us the details on what she's seen - from gray areas like sexting, porn, and OnlyFans to more clear forms of cheating like hook-up apps for married people and full-blown affairs.

We spoke about the beauty of monogamy and why humans are built for pair-bonding and attachment, even though monogamous relationships have their challenges. We gave our thoughts on why polyamory eventually ends in disaster - even with the best of intentions - and why Marianne considers polyamory a last resort.

We finished by speaking about Marianne’s Psychology Today blog 'The Future of Intimacy', where she shares helpful, practical advice for couples in the modern world. We dove into some of her most popular articles, where she talks about how modern couples can maintain a vital sex life, what to do if you're interested in sex - just not with your partner, and how advancements in sex tech - like VR porn and sex robots - are going to revolutionize the sexual marketplace.

I hope you enjoy this episode. Be sure to leave a comment and share your thoughts! 💬

00:00 Why Do So Many Married Couples Stop Having Sex?

7:25 Making Love vs. Primal Power Dynamics

11:20 There's No Version of "Fifty Shades of Grey" for Men

15:26 Common Complaints: Why Women Stop Wanting Sex

21:22 Birth Control Pills Kill Your Sex Drive

26:17 What Can Husbands Do to Have More Sex

34:24 Women: Being Connected to Our Bodies & Letting Go of Shame

43:10 Polyamory, Cheating, & Infidelity Gray Areas

50:20 Who Struggles Most with Monogamy?

56:10 Keeping the *Spark* Alive: Never Stop Flirting & Dating

59:12 “Set Your House in Perfect Order Before You Criticize the World”

1:01:12 Polygamous Societies Are The Most Violent Throughout History

1:02:08 Men Are Numbing Themselves with Drugs & Porn

1:04:00 VR Porn & The Future of Sex Tech

1:12:48 Good News: Will VR Porn Replace Sex Workers?

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