#97 – Deconstructing, with kids

Having children intensifies the deconstruction process, and can even re-start a whole new round of wrestling with long-dead questions.

Deconstruction is difficult enough on its own. But doing so while having young kids gives that process a whole new level of peril and fear. Even those who have deconstructed quite a while ago and have grown quite comfortable in their new worldview find that many of the questions they thought they’d wrestled into the dirt now come back all over again. Exvangelicals bring a lot of baggage to the parenting experience!?

To help us through this topic, we talked to Bekah McNeel, author of the book: Bringing Up Kids When Church Lets You Down: A Guide for Parents Questioning Their Faith.

Bekah shared her own story of deconstruction over the course of many years, and talked about some of the major reasons that motivate people to head for the “exit ramps”:

• Biblical inerrancy
• the subject of hell
• politics, and the embrace of Trump
• racism
• rules around what a family should look like
• academia; intellectualism; science

She then unpacked many of the issues and questions that tend to come up again for deconstructed parents when children enter the picture:

• baptism, circumcision at birth
• what if we got the whole “no hell” thing all wrong? Do we really feel confident enough to jeopardize their eternal future?
• should we start taking the kids to Sunday School / church?
• discipline, fear and shame
• sex, sexuality, body image, masturbation
• education, homeschooling, college/university
  

Our listeners also pitched in a few questions. What about the youth group, and its leaders? Are they open to kids asking tough questions: teenagers need a place where their concerns and questions are taken seriously. How your spouse feels about the deconstruction is hugely important: what do you do when the parents start believing very different things?

As always, tell us what you think…

Find out more about Bekah McNeel at https://bekahmcneel.com/, and about her book at https://bekahmcneel.com/book/

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