Why We Give: Letting Go of Control

Aug 11, 2025

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Have you ever used your giving to steer decisions or send a message?

It might seem harmless—or even wise—to designate your gift to specific ministries or withhold it when you disagree with leadership. But when our generosity becomes a tool for control, we’ve crossed a line. In this episode, we’ll explore the subtle danger of using giving as leverage—and discover a better way rooted in surrender and trust.

A Hidden Temptation in Church Giving

Let’s be honest—no one likes the word control when it’s pointed at them. But in church life, this temptation surfaces more often than we’d like to admit.

It might look like this:

Giving only to certain ministries because you don’t trust how the church allocates general funds.
Withholding your giving when a leadership decision—like a staffing change or budget shift—doesn’t sit well with you.
Designating gifts to specific areas, not out of passion, but as a form of protest.

On the surface, it may look like good financial stewardship. But beneath the surface, it’s often an attempt to say, “I want things to go my way, and I’ll use my money to make that happen.”

That’s not generosity. That’s leverage. And Scripture warns us against it.

The Corban Example: A Heart Check from Jesus

In Mark 7, Jesus confronts the Pharisees for misusing a practice called Corban—a method of dedicating money or resources to God. While it sounded spiritual, the religious leaders were using it to dodge their responsibility to care for aging parents.

As GotQuestions.org explains:

“The Pharisees took a legitimate Corban offering and used it in an illegitimate and devious way to defraud their parents…Jesus tells the Pharisees that their misuse of Corban was an evil rationale to avoid doing what they should.”

It wasn’t the gift itself that Jesus condemned—it was the motive behind it.

In the same way, when we give to maintain control or push our preferences, we’re following the spirit of Corban. Even if our reasons sound righteous, they can mask a deeper issue: an unwillingness to surrender.

From Leverage to Surrender: The Biblical Call

The Bible offers a better vision.

Psalm 24:1 reminds us,

“The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it.”

That includes our finances. We don’t give to direct the church. We give because God owns it all—and calls us to steward it faithfully.

Consider the example in Acts 4. Believers sold land and possessions, then laid the proceeds at the apostles’ feet. No strings attached. No demands were made about how it was to be used. Just trust, unity, and wholehearted surrender.

Of course, that doesn’t mean churches shouldn’t be transparent or held accountable. Scripture calls leaders to wise and faithful stewardship. But giving with strings isn’t about accountability—it’s about control. And control is the opposite of trust.

What’s Driving Your Generosity?

Ask yourself: What’s driving my giving?

Is it love for God?
Faith in His provision?
Worship and gratitude?

Or is it something else?

Preference?
Power?
Payback?

When giving becomes conditional, it’s no longer cheerful—it’s contractual. We treat God’s work like a business deal instead of a spiritual act of worship.

But when we let go of control, something beautiful happens: we find peace. We no longer feel the pressure to manage every church decision. We can give freely, knowing God is at work—even when His ways don’t align with our expectations.

Moving Forward in Trust and Grace

If you realize that control has been influencing your giving, here are three steps to take:

1. Confess it to the Lord. God is gracious and patient. Ask Him to realign your heart with His and help you give from a place of surrender.

2. Release your preferences. You don’t have to stop asking questions or seeking transparency. But your generosity shouldn’t be tied to your personal comfort or preferences.

3. Give with trust. Trust God’s ability to work through imperfect people. Trust that when you give with the right heart, your gift brings Him glory.

Because when we give to control, we place ourselves at the center. But when we give in faith, we put God at the center—where He belongs.

A Resource for the Journey

Want to go deeper into the heart behind generosity? Request a copy of Faithful Steward, our quarterly magazine for FaithFi Partners. With a gift of $35/month or $400 annually, you’ll receive this encouraging resource and join a growing community committed to biblical financial wisdom.

Learn more at FaithFi.com/Partner.

On Today’s Program, Rob Answers Listener Questions:

My husband’s adult son often asks us for money. He and his wife are behind on their bills, but we know they also spend on partying and things like marijuana. My husband feels emotionally pulled in, especially when his son talks about possibly losing their home. We want to be generous, but we don’t want to enable irresponsible behavior. How can we approach this situation in a way that’s wise and biblical?
I’d like to assign someone as my power of attorney, but I don’t have any family members I trust to take on that role. What options do I have in this situation?
Is it wise to purchase life insurance for your children or grandchildren? What are the pros and cons?
I’m thinking about getting a reverse mortgage to create some extra income. Can you explain how they work, and whether they’re a good idea? I’d also like to know what risks or downsides I should be aware of.

Resources Mentioned:

Remember, you can call in to ask your questions every workday at (800) 525-7000. Faith & Finance is also available on Moody Radio Network and American Family Radio. You can also visit FaithFi.com to connect with our online community and partner with us as we help more people live as faithful stewards of God’s resources.

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