The Drew Barrymore Show Matthew Hussey on Why He Doesn't Like the Term "Self Love"
Apr 27, 2024
Matthew Hussey, a renowned dating coach and New York Times bestselling author, joins Drew to dive into his new book and modern dating philosophy. He challenges the concept of 'self-love,' arguing it can create unhealthy comparison traps. Instead, he suggests reframing self-care as a responsibility we owe to ourselves. Through personal anecdotes, he discusses the importance of clear standards in relationships and outlines four key levels of importance in dating, emphasizing the relevance of mutual attraction and commitment.
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Reframe Self-Love As A Duty
- 'Self-love' as a term is misleading because it ties worth to achievements and good behavior.
- Matthew Hussey reframes loving yourself as a duty, not a feeling, decoupling worth from performance.
Conditional Worth Fuels Self-Criticism
- Seeking reasons to love yourself based on virtues creates conditional worth and invites comparison.
- Hussey points out days of failure are when self-compassion matters most, exposing the flaw in performance-based love.
Take Care Of Your 'Human' Daily
- Do treat yourself like a child in your care and ask, 'What would I do today if I was taking care of my human?'.
- Commit to daily actions that protect and provide for yourself even when you don't feel lovable.