Don’t Leave Your Spouse Out of the Money Conversation with Shaunti Feldhahn

Jun 16, 2025

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What if being great with money doesn’t guarantee you’re doing great with your spouse?

If you’re the “money person” in your marriage, you may think you’re doing everything right. But what if your spouse feels shut out of the process? It happens more than you think. Shaunti Feldhahn joins us today to talk about how you can avoid that disconnect or fix it if need be.

Shaunti Feldhahn is a Harvard graduate, former Wall Street analyst, social researcher, best-selling author, and a prominent public speaker. She is the co-author of Thriving in Love and Money: 5 Game-Changing Insights about Your Relationship, Your Money, and Yourself, written with her husband, Jeff, and has co-authored several books with him, revealing impactful truths about relationships at home and in the workplace.

Honor What Your Spouse Values

Money-minded individuals often unknowingly send the message that their spouse’s financial opinions don’t matter. Even with good intentions and solid planning, failing to honor what your spouse values can damage not just your finances but your marriage.

Spouses who handle the finances might assume they’re right and the other is wrong. That unspoken belief, even if subtle, can lead one partner to feel dismissed—and that’s a dangerous place to be.

About two-thirds of spouses believe they know better than their partner how to manage finances. This is similar to how most people think they’re above-average drivers—statistically improbable, but psychologically common.

While it’s okay to have differing financial opinions, it becomes a problem when one partner consistently feels unheard or undervalued. Many “money people” may not even realize they’re doing this, but over time, it fosters resentment and undermines trust.

Different Values, Different Priorities

More than 80% of couples have differing financial values, which are often rooted in their childhood experiences, temperaments, or faith priorities.

For instance, one spouse may believe saving for college is urgent and non-negotiable. The other may feel that making memories with their children while they are young, such as taking a trip to Disney, is equally important. Neither is wrong. They're just different.

The danger lies in assuming that one value system is superior. If one spouse feels their values are constantly being overlooked, resentment can quietly grow until it spills over into other areas of the relationship.

The real danger isn’t only in the budget—it’s in the relationship.

If one person starts to feel like their opinions don’t matter, it doesn’t just affect money decisions. It becomes a marriage issue.

And this dynamic can even show up in financial advisor meetings, where professionals may unintentionally direct conversations toward the more financially-minded spouse. This reinforces the problem and risks charting a course toward relational misalignment.

Three Steps Toward Greater Financial Unity

In her article for Faithful Steward, Shaunti offers three practical steps to bring both voices to the table:

Ask Each Other a Simple Question

At a neutral time—say, over morning coffee—ask:

“On a scale of 1 to 5, how heard and valued do you feel in our financial decisions?”

If the answer isn’t a 5, it’s a red flag—time for a deeper conversation.
Treat Less-than-Perfect Answers Seriously

A “3” or “4” means something isn’t connecting. Don’t ignore it. The goal is for both spouses to feel their voice and values are part of the plan, even when you disagree.
Explore Your Financial Values Together

Chapter 3 of her book, Thriving in Love and Money, maps out different “money values”—how people view experiences vs. things, time vs. money, or convenience vs. frugality. Shaunti encourages couples to read the chapter together (or separately with notes in the margins) to uncover hidden assumptions.

Real-Life Insight: The $1.50 Lesson

Shaunti also shares a personal example: she values time and convenience, so she’s happy to pay an extra $1.50 per movie ticket to reserve seats in advance. Jeff, her husband, sees that as unnecessary—he’d rather arrive early to save money.

Neither is “right.” However, understanding each other’s values helped them approach decisions with greater ease and grace, rather than conflict.

Remember, resentment is like a slow leak—it can go unnoticed until the tire blows out. But the antidote is simply listening with love and curiosity.

You can read her full article in Faithful Steward, our quarterly magazine designed to help you connect your faith with your finances. To receive four issues a year, along with our newest Bible studies and devotionals, become a FaithFi partner at FaithFi.com/Give.

On Today’s Program, Rob Answers Listener Questions:

I’m a veteran receiving $1900 a month in benefits. I recently paid a penalty on my Social Security premium. I would like to know if there is any way this penalty can be waived due to my hardship situation.
I have some stock that I want to sell, but I want to donate it to a charity so I don’t have to pay taxes. Can you tell me how to do this?

Resources Mentioned:

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